Indeed Designer, it feels like they are just voyeurs of my life without having to be part of it....having their cake and eating it too
bsand20
JoinedPosts by bsand20
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30
Hard time coping with shunning
by bsand20 init's almost 1am and i can't sleep...again.
i hate to think the organization is still taking my sleep from me 16 years later but i can't help it.
i run a page on social media for ex jw support and advice and i'm usually there helping others but it definitely takes a toll on me when i'm having to argue and disprove jws that troll my page.
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30
Hard time coping with shunning
by bsand20 init's almost 1am and i can't sleep...again.
i hate to think the organization is still taking my sleep from me 16 years later but i can't help it.
i run a page on social media for ex jw support and advice and i'm usually there helping others but it definitely takes a toll on me when i'm having to argue and disprove jws that troll my page.
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bsand20
It's almost 1am and I can't sleep...again. I hate to think the organization is still taking my sleep from me 16 years later but I can't help it.
I run a page on social media for ex jw support and advice and I'm usually there helping others but it definitely takes a toll on me when I'm having to argue and disprove jws that troll my page.
I've been vocal on here about my story and where I'm at with my family. Recently my paternal grandmother passed away and my dad is agnostic. So I went to my parent's house to comfort him and be there and my mom acted like nothing happened, meaning, like she'd never said she wouldn't talk to me again. I mean we pretty much picked up where we left off. Neither of us discussed the little "ultimatum" she made for me back in January about how she had to completely cut all communication with me until i returned to the organization. Needless to say that'll never happen and she wont budge either so that pretty much means I have to come to terms with what she's decided. But then when she does speak to me like this circumstance, it's like do I take her seriously or not??
My family made their decision 16 years ago and I had one cousin still talk to me because we grew up like sisters and she said she couldn't cut me completely off....until 2 years ago when my grandfather died and at the funeral the family got to her and she decided she wasn't gonna answer my texts or messages because she needed to also obey for my own good. Here's the thing...she still has me on facebook. She views all my posts and my daily life, which at first I thought was ok because she can see my life is very full...however I'm also having feelings of just deleting her because everyone in my family has deleted me out of their lives anyway and they shouldn't be able to see me and my kids in any forum. If they want me to disappear than maybe I should, in social media that is.
I mention all this because it's making me sick. I can't sleep, I overeat, I don't enjoy activities like I used to and I rarely leave my house except for school drop off/pick up for my kids and grocery store shopping. Just feels like I'm breathing but not really living, like I"m stuck. I guess I don't feel like I have closure. I'm angry that this is my life, that this happened to me. I think about seeing a therapist but then it feels like the organization is winning because they've gotten to me. I really don't know what else to do:(
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Biblical verses my JW mom gave me for shunning
by bsand20 injohn 2:9-11-anyone who claims to be in the light but hates a brother or sister[a] is still in the darkness.
10 anyone who loves their brother and sister[b] lives in the light, and there is nothing in them to make them stumble.
11 but anyone who hates a brother or sister is in the darkness and walks around in the darkness.
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bsand20
Navytown the question isn't so much if the bible is real or not....it's just that my mom is an active JW and therefore basis her reasons for shunning me with verses from the bible, so in a sense, I have to counter why those verses are misinterpreted to make her understand she is doing something out of pure misunderstanding.
I no longer fear the GB or feel they have a stronghold on my life so I know those verses don't apply to me, however she feels they do and so I need to be able to explain to her that her position on the matter is wrong and the reasons why.
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Biblical verses my JW mom gave me for shunning
by bsand20 injohn 2:9-11-anyone who claims to be in the light but hates a brother or sister[a] is still in the darkness.
10 anyone who loves their brother and sister[b] lives in the light, and there is nothing in them to make them stumble.
11 but anyone who hates a brother or sister is in the darkness and walks around in the darkness.
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bsand20
John 2:9-11-Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates a brother or sister [a] is still in the darkness. 10 Anyone who loves their brother and sister [b] lives in the light, and there is nothing in them to make them stumble. 11 But anyone who hates a brother or sister is in the darkness and walks around in the darkness. They do not know where they are going, because the darkness has blinded them.
Isaiah 1:18-Come now, let us settle the matter,”
says the Lord .
“Though your sins are like scarlet,
they shall be as white as snow;
though they are red as crimson,
they shall be like wool.Luke 15:1-7-Now the tax collectors and sinners were all gathering around to hear Jesus. 2 But the Pharisees and the teachers of the law muttered, “This man welcomes sinners and eats with them.”
3 Then Jesus told them this parable: 4 “Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? 5 And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders 6 and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ 7 I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.
Isaiah 55:6-7-Seek the Lord while he may be found;
call on him while he is near.
7 Let the wicked forsake their ways
and the unrighteous their thoughts.
Let them turn to the Lord , and he will have mercy on them,
and to our God, for he will freely pardon.And the almighty 1 Cor 5:9-13-
I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people— 10 not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters. In that case you would have to leave this world. 11 But now I am writing to you that you must not associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister [a] but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or slanderer, a drunkard or swindler. Do not even eat with such people.
12 What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? 13 God will judge those outside. “Expel the wicked person from among you.” [b]
I have some understanding of how these verses are twisted around to fit JW doctrine, but what are the verses really referring to?
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Where do we go when we die?
by bsand20 inmy best friend of 14 years and maid of honor passed away 2 months ago at age 32 after battling breast cancer for 6 years.
i haven't been the same since for many reasons.. as a jw kid i believed 144,000 chosen went to heaven, the good people would be resurrected including those who didn't have a chance to hear about jehovah, and the rest, which were of other religions and bad people, died and would cease to exist.
again, because i was a kid when i left, i never really understood the jw position on death and why they came to their conclusion.
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bsand20
Rub a dub, time and place.
I knew this was a broad question that was gonna generate a lot of different views, however I asked this at a moment I really needed to hear something and I ask here because weird as it may sound, I can relate to answers from exJw's like me because its like talking to "family".
I know there will be many different thoughts on this subject because there is no tangible evidence to come to a definitive answer, but I guess as stated, it's also a subject for which the answer lies in what everyone individually believes to be true. I guess for me I go back and forth because I didn't get closure, I didn't get to say goodbye. Some days are good, others not so much, but not a day goes by she is not on my mind at least once. I guess this is still part of the grieving process and can only hope each day is better than the next.
Thanks everyone for your input and condolences.
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Where do we go when we die?
by bsand20 inmy best friend of 14 years and maid of honor passed away 2 months ago at age 32 after battling breast cancer for 6 years.
i haven't been the same since for many reasons.. as a jw kid i believed 144,000 chosen went to heaven, the good people would be resurrected including those who didn't have a chance to hear about jehovah, and the rest, which were of other religions and bad people, died and would cease to exist.
again, because i was a kid when i left, i never really understood the jw position on death and why they came to their conclusion.
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bsand20
My best friend of 14 years and maid of honor passed away 2 months ago at age 32 after battling breast cancer for 6 years. I haven't been the same since for many reasons.
As a JW kid I believed 144,000 chosen went to heaven, the good people would be resurrected including those who didn't have a chance to hear about Jehovah, and the rest, which were of other religions and bad people, died and would cease to exist. Again, because I was a kid when I left, I never really understood the JW position on death and why they came to their conclusion. Once I became a Christian, my belief was good people went to heaven and bad people went to hell, plain and simple. And I always assumed Catholics and Christians believed the same when it came to death, but I had never heard of purgatory till my Catholic friends told me to pray for my friend when offering comfort. Well, now there's a daily battle going on in my head about what I should believe, and it also has me wondering the real anwswer of JW belief.
What is the biblical reason JWs base their belief in the resurrection on Paradise earth? While we're at it....do you all believe the dead can see/hear us and are around us like they say? Will they know us when we are "reunited" in heaven?
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Black sheep of the family-my life as an ExJW
by bsand20 ini was a 3rd generation jw, half the congregation i attended was made up of my entire mom's side of the family, 2 of the 3 elders were my grandpa and uncle.
my first memory of the organization was when they announced my mom's name in the meeting saying she had been reinstated....it was 1988 and i was 6 years old....i didn't understand it then, but when i asked my mom why was she crying and why did they say her name in the meeting, she said "it's because i've been good!".
so she went back and after a period of time assisting constantly, she was reinstated.
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bsand20
problemaddict I sure will :)
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Black sheep of the family-my life as an ExJW
by bsand20 ini was a 3rd generation jw, half the congregation i attended was made up of my entire mom's side of the family, 2 of the 3 elders were my grandpa and uncle.
my first memory of the organization was when they announced my mom's name in the meeting saying she had been reinstated....it was 1988 and i was 6 years old....i didn't understand it then, but when i asked my mom why was she crying and why did they say her name in the meeting, she said "it's because i've been good!".
so she went back and after a period of time assisting constantly, she was reinstated.
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bsand20
OMG first off, thank you guys for reading my story....I didn't realize how LONG I had made it, lol. I just started typing and didn't realize I was going on and on and on, so really thank you, from the bottom of my heart, to everyone who took the time to read my story.
I truly wish I had found this site in my earlier years. But I'm glad I found it now:)
I am also extremely grateful for all the advice I've gotten from you all and the well wishes. Frankly, I think that's what was holding me back for the last couple of months...I really didn't know how I was gonna handle this situation with my mom. I've always taken the "high road" because well, I'm a walking testament to the new beliefs I took on after I left the JW's and felt like if I made one wrong move they would all be like "Psshht, and she's a Christian? this is what she left the organization for?". But I think essentially I have also turned myself into a walking doormat in certain situations so everyone's suggestions have really put things in perspective for me. I will be writing a letter to her and I'll update here what happens.
The phone call she made was on January 21st of this year. Since then, it has been like she said...no phone calls, texts, or visits.
At this point, with a lot of encoragement I've gotten from people just like me, I feel like this weight has been lifted off. I'm seeing things a little clearer and seeing them for what they are.....it was not my fault. Things happened the way they did and looking back, as painful and lonely as it was, I would change very little. And even though I was disfellowshipped at such a young age, the way I really see it, I THANK GOD I did. It was the moment that catapulted so many of my strengths, qualities I didn't even know I had, and made me the person I am today. I certainly now will shift my entire focus on my education and even more so my children. My son is about to turn 13 next week....I cannot believe me at 13. And I see the same strengths in him and my daughter thus far. My past may have been dark, but my future certainly has been blessed with real "new light"
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Black sheep of the family-my life as an ExJW
by bsand20 ini was a 3rd generation jw, half the congregation i attended was made up of my entire mom's side of the family, 2 of the 3 elders were my grandpa and uncle.
my first memory of the organization was when they announced my mom's name in the meeting saying she had been reinstated....it was 1988 and i was 6 years old....i didn't understand it then, but when i asked my mom why was she crying and why did they say her name in the meeting, she said "it's because i've been good!".
so she went back and after a period of time assisting constantly, she was reinstated.
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bsand20
I was a 3rd generation JW, half the congregation I attended was made up of my entire mom's side of the family, 2 of the 3 elders were my Grandpa and uncle. My first memory of the organization was when they announced my mom's name in the meeting saying she had been reinstated....it was 1988 and I was 6 years old....I didn't understand it then, but when I asked my mom why was she crying and why did they say her name in the meeting, she said "It's because I've been good!". What had happened was my mom had gotten disfellowshipped 2 years before I was born and for 8 years remained inactive till the 1987 Whittier, CA earthquake happened and she got scared straight believing for the first time that had it been Armageddon, she would've died along with me and my younger newborn brother. So she went back and after a period of time assisting constantly, she was reinstated. From then on, my life changed.
No more halloween or birthdays, which were the only 2 events she celebrated when she was df'd. No school celebrations for me. At age 9, i developed depression. I would wake up in the middle of the night crying and when my mom would ask me what was wrong and why I was crying, i would say "I don't know"...honestly, at that time I really didn't know why, I would just burst out crying for no reason.
Around this time I also started to become very observant. We would be at the meetings 1/2 an hour before it started because my grandpa was always there early to open the kingdom hall and start setting up. So what did I do with my time until others arrived? Interestingly enough, I did not run up and down the isles or play in the bathroom....I actually would go and read the old books they kept in the library. It was through this that as I got older I started to question what was being said. "Mom, how do anointed ones know they are anointed?"...."Well, how do you know you are a girl?"..."Um, idk, I just am"..."Exactly". huh?
At age 13 I got baptized, but unfortunately, it was for the wrong reasons. My mom was constantly comparing me to one of the elder's daughters who was my age, baptized and a regular pioneer. The pressure was on to please my mom and make her proud. But I also figured I'd learn to love Jehovah eventually especially after I was baptized.
When I was 15 I developed a relationship with a boy in the congregation. We later had the attitude that we were in love and wanted to be together forever and everyone was against us, blah blah blah. One day we ran away together and spent the night at a vacant home that was his dads (real estate agent) Needless to say, we did the hanky panky and we turned ourselves about.
Days later when the elders found out (at this point there were now 5 elders so 3 were not related to me) I was brought in for a meeting. This is the first time I found out they kept files on baptized members. Here...they proceded to write down what I did, how I did it, why I did it,etc. After hours of interrogations, they decided I should be disfellowshipped from the organization. I actually felt angry, not sorry. I couldn't believe this was my life. At 15 years old having commited fornication once, my life as a jw had no second chance...it was done until I decided to come back later, maybe 1 or 2 years said one elder.
My life changed again. No cousins, friends, no uncles and aunts, nothing. My grandparents lived next to us and they would hold the weekly bbq's at their house. While everyone sat in the yard, eating bbq ribs, potato salad, playing trivia games, I sat in my bedroom watching hours of I Love Lucy, loudly so I couldn't hear the chuckles and good times going on outside. And then finally, my mom would come in to my room and bring a plate of whatever goodies they had made and asked if I needed anything else or another plate to signal her from the front door. Nirvana, The Cranberries, my keyboard, my violin and I Love Lucy became my world. No family support.
School was also my world. I looked forward to going to school. Many years would pass and I would receive the perfect attendance awards for having missed not one day of school through the whole year. My plan was to go to college and show those idiots I was indeed not like them. But when I graduated HS, I was still 17, no car, no licence and my mom was not going to drive me. College was now not an option even as an exjw. The following year, I became a pregnant teen, going to trade school in the morning and working at a fast food place at night. My day started at 7am and didn't end till midnight. Again, no family support.
For the next 10 years, I would not give the WT a second thought. I got married, had 3 more children, bought a house and became a Christian. My life was perfect. Then 2012 happened. My grandfather, whom I was so close to and had a stroke in 2004, was now having complications and the doctors did not expect him to live past 3 days. So I went to visit him. This was the first time I had seen him since 1998. In the room were a few of my uncles and aunts. One went to hug me and said "Oh it's so good to see you. I've missed you so much, I can't wait till I can hold you in my arms in public again, please come back soon". My grandpa was on a ventilator, couldn't open his eyes. I leaned over, whispered goodbye and that I'd miss him and that I loved him. I left the hospital as most people there were staring at me like I was Satan himself. It wasn't until I got in my car, turned the radio on and drove home to the tune of Carrie Underwood's "See you again" that I felt the overwhelmingly painful 14 years of rejection that had been bottled up inside me. He died the next day.
After his funeral, I went to my mother's house to be there for her since she was having a hard time only to find out they were having a dinner at her home. 100 people were there. They had set up tables and chairs in her yard and everyone ate outside...My husband, my kids and I had to eat inside. During this time, one of my elder uncles pulled me aside, to my mother's bedroom and said "You know Jehovah is waiting for you. I can talk to you because I am an elder, and I really want to tell you that the end days are here. Armageddon is around the corner, and now you have to think about those 4 precious children of yours. Now it's not just you. You know this is the Truth, start attending your local congregation and you'll see that with faithful service you can come back". That did it for me. After 14 years, nothing had changed. I was still the 15 year old fornicator.
Now the even worse part of the story has arrived. My mom had always maintained communication with me, but never went to my babyshowers as that was a party for a df'd person. I shrug that off because other than that, she would visit with me, take my kids to the park, etc. But 2 months ago, she called me......and I couldn't believe what she was saying. She stated that I could no longer have any kind of communication with her because she needed to stand firm in her beliefs until I came back. No more texting, no more phone calls, no more lunches, no more visits, no more calling for help with recipes, nothing. I'm guessing it had something to do with the recent convention of 2013 where the topic of disfellowhipped people came up.
It's been difficult for me now because I find that I am angry that my childhood was what it was. My life was robbed, my family is being used as a weapon against me and there's nothing I can do about it. So here I am, venting, sharing my experience, talking with people like me so I don't feel like I'm invisible, but even through all this, strange as it may sound, I've never been happier to be free....free from opression, from anyone telling me I can't go to college, freedom to really live life and experience all it has to offer. It's been 16 years of freedom and that ladies and gentlemen is real TRUTH.
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What if I am a disfellowshipped public school teacher?
by bsand20 incould a parent put in a complaint to the school district and request that their child be transferred out of my classroom because i am exjw?
if they give me the jw school brochure (do they still do that?
sorry its been 16years since i've been out) can i just tell them i'm familiar with their teachings or should i just pretend i'm new to their teachings?....i'm a freshman in college so i have still a long ways before this situation is presented, however i"m trying to get prepared for it.
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bsand20
Wow! Thanks everyone for your thoughts and advice:) I am new to the site, thanks for the many welcomes :) First and foremost, YES! I am extremely happy I am free...I will post my story at a later time, but one of the things that still weighed heavily in my heart was the fact that I was not allowed to go to college when I graduated HS. I'm now 31 and now that my children are in school full time, I've decided I would be doing my 15 year old disfellowshipped self a huge disservice if I didn't accomplish the goals I had in place then. I've always wanted to be an elementary school teacher but I realized only a few years ago that I REALLY wanted to be a school teacher not caring about the salary...in fact, I'd gladly do it for free. Teaching children to be critical thinkers is very empowering, and even more so empowering if it happens to be a student who is not getting encouragement at home or worse, being abused or in dire circumstances. School was my only escape as a kid. Had it not been for public school and the amazing teachers I had, I would not be here. The toll the WT takes on your life as a child is unbelievable. So I'm compelled to give back. Way too many teachers nowadays become one for the wrong reasons or simply couldn't care less once tenure sets in. Or often times people chose not to persue a career in teaching because well, it just doesn't pay the big bucks, and its really the students who suffer. PS- I live in California so the Civil Act of 1964 would apply to me :)
@KateWild, I see what you mean. But I've given this a long hard thought. I do feel the need to share my story and have conversations with those who are just like me because it really really helps. However, I wouldn't do it to the extent of hurting a child or jeopardizing something I've worked really hard to do. I just figured someone would find out somehow, idk, maybe one of my family members leaking the info to the other parents or something, but yeah definitely wouldn't bring it up at this point. Like others have said....my job is going to be to encourage that little boy or girl who say they want to be a doctor or an astronaut and let them know it is within their reach whatever they want to do:)