It's great to see you posting again BrianJ!
I'm trying to imagine the mental turmoil giving a talk at a circuit assembly while being mentally awake.. that would fry my noodle!
I've never fished, but the thought of going out in a small boat with my son and spending a day fishing is magical. It makes me think how stupid Pascal's wager is. What you're losing if you take Pascal's bet is days fishing with your family, it's wasting this one life you have now doing crap like giving talks and knocking doors. It's a life of mental turmoil.
The most valuable things that you have in your possession right now are your life and your family. Anyone that wants to get you to use those precious possessions in doing what they say had better have some concrete evidence of the benefits and not just baseless claims of a future dream of a hand-drawn panda paradise.