I don't know if you've read anti-JW info or not, because you didn't say. A lot of JWs succumb to the phobia indoctrination and are quite fearful at the idea of reading apostate sites. Obviously you've broken through some of that by posting here, but I don't know how much.
I think perhaps I misunderstood what you meant when you said you loved the organization. I agree that JWs trapped in this organization are mostly deserving of our compassion. They're in a tough spot to be sure. We're in agreement there. My point also was not to convince you of anything, just to illustrate the point of why so many are justifiably angry at the organization, in hopes that you (and perhaps other lurkers like you were) might cut some people some slack and not immediately dismiss everything that's said just because it betrays obvious anger at the watchtower society. That anger also can have a tendency to linger since as you correctly point out, individual JWs are mostly just trying their best and there is therefore nowhere to really direct one's anger upon waking up to the fact that they've been systematically lied to for their entire lives.
To your specific points - I don't blame the WTS for the actions of the vile men in Malawi, but the leadership was aware of the problem and made no attempt to compromise or even make purchasing a party card a "conscience matter." Instead they insisted that anyone who submit to the superior authorities in this way (which involved no more a declaration of loyalty to a government than what the GB members themselves signed when they got their passports) should be disfellowshipped and shunned. In this case, it seems likely to me that many who would otherwise have been enabled by their conscience to escape the vile treatment they were subjected to chose instead to submit to the watchtower's rules as the thought of trying to live without their family and friends and all whom they ever loved would be too much to bear.
I don't think there have been numbers put to the suicides due to shunning, but it has definitely happened many times. It is obviously not literally "countless" as there is certainly a number to it, but I think even one suicide is too many if it could have been prevented had someone's parent's natural affection been allowed. You're correct in that there are varying degrees of adherence to the shunning dictate, but that doesn't make it right and because of the undue influence that JWs have been subjected to, they are not entirely to blame here.
You're also quite correct that families break up all the time. But does that mean that adding additional sources of marital distress is just fine to do? Marriages break up all the time, so there'd be nothing wrong with me creating false evidence of an affair and presenting it to a friend's wife? One extra broken marriage due to the indoctrination of the watchtower is too many. Especially when it's yours.
There may not be malevolent motives (though we'll have to agree to disagree there - it seems impossible to me that everything comes from benevolence) but that doesn't make the actions any less angering. There may not be malevolent motives when a company fails to enforce safety compliance, but they're still held accountable for a death and they still are (justifiably in my opinion) the target of a great deal of anger. They may not be actively setting out to cause deaths, but they are causing them and they know it. Their negligence in this regard has left them with blood on their hands even if there was no bad motive. The bible itself affirms this principle.
On the topic of blood - I wholeheartedly believe that bloodless surgery would've come about without the Jehovah's Witness blood ban. It may not have gone exactly as it has, but I think it's obvious that preventing blood loss during surgery is better than just transfusing a ton of someone else's blood. Furthermore, I'm perfectly ok with it if someone chooses to sacrifice their life in order to further medical science. However, what I'm not OK with is someone who might, based on their own interpretation of scripture, see no reason why they should refuse blood from a living donor but faced with the loss of everyone that they've ever known and loved choose to risk death rather than live on with that loss. I'm also not OK with children being allowed to die due to the religious beliefs of their parents. In spite of what the watchtower propaganda might state, it is my belief that minor children are not of sufficiently sound mind to make this choice. These people did not choose to sacrifice their lives in order to further medicine, they chose death as a result of having been systematically lied to.
Again, I'm not trying to convince you of the truth of any of the watchtower society's crimes. All I'm suggesting is that you might benefit from looking at things from another perspective to see if maybe some of the anger that's out could possibly be justified. Maybe it's somewhat misplaced in that most JWs really do have the best of intentions, but it's only natural to be angered by life's injustices and by the injuries inflicted upon you personally. If there's no where to direct that anger, maybe it doesn't always come out in a helpful way, but it's still justified anger that should not be invalidated.
Lastly, I want to thank you for sharing your thoughts on my post, as I'm not certain I would've done so in your position. I'm truly sorry if you felt I was insulting your intelligence or if you took offense in any way. That was certainly not my intent. I was once in your position, and I look back on those times with regret over the amount of time I was trapped with the "bitter apostates" indoctrination keeping me from looking at objective information. It took me a while to think my way out. Since I see myself as being in a much freer state now, and I'm very happy to have gotten here, I simply wanted to make a suggestion that might've helped me once.
