well tonight was typical of how my husband continues to keep himself from being a normal loving human.
my daughter had a dinner tonight, and she invited us over a week ago. i told her wed be there,
well, my husband does not enjoy going to peoples homes for dinner , he will make any excuse to not go.
todays? 'i work all week including saturday, i want sunday to watch the game and just relax'. he relaxes every day from 9am to 2 pm till he goes to work.
i called my daughter and told her , you dad doesnt want to come, hes tired and wants to stay home and relax.
she texted him not letting him know i told her that, and asked him if he invited his brother [who stopped by to look at a computer , a man we see once a year at best] to see what he would reply back.
well when he told her he wasnt going they must have had words.
so as usual i went over alone.
when i got ot her house she said shes not talking to him anymore, and isnt coming over on christmas day for dinner.
so not only has he not , as usual considered her feelings, nor mine, nor his grandchilds, he doesnt care that now he has ruined my dinner.
hes alienated his own brothers and sisters as well he never sees them or makes any effort to call them.
he is very selfish, and i dont understand why. he has no reason to be.
if he askes me to go anywhere with him, i go. I go because i consider his feelings. hes my husband and its normal to be with the one yur supposed to love if the want your company. I dont really mind ,
but If I ask him to go anywhere with me [which after only 3 i learned never to ask] he makes any escuse, or comes right out ans says no I dont want to. if he does go with me anyplace he makes it painfully obviouse hes simply tolerating it.
Im clueless. when we had a serious talk after we got back together after our seperation two years ago, he told me that he finds me ' attractive'
more so than most women, and its not me , bla bla, [as to why he cant perform, its him getting older and he cant make 'it work' ]
no its beer, its killed it, and put weight on him.
this is all his excuse to avoid telling me the truth. which i have no idea what that is. he NEVER talks about anything that bothers him
well, so im 'attractive', and he has no desire for me? . hmm. funny the bottle of personal lubricant is almost empty, and i havent used it.
is that a nice way of telling me im not pretty or cute to him? well, ok then why ask for my forgivness?
my daughter told me 'dads selfish, everybody works we take time out for those we care about'
shes seen him so drunk last year at a picnic she held at her place, that he fell asleep on the ground in front of everyone.
i saw him arrive drunk,[ i had food to deliver earlier] and i immediately left. ruined my day and made himself a spectical.
i said to her, 'well he cant come over your house watch what he wants and drink beer till he falls asleep'
thats what he does every saturday and sunday and any day he has off.
i have tried to be the perfect wife. anyone who knows me knows that i am as close to one as can be. he always gets his way, i try not to get into any disagreements with him, i let him sleep alone , i have stopped asking for sex months ago, i try to avoid spending more money that I have to.
the house is clean, meals are cooked, apointments are made, clothes are washed, ect. all he has ever needed to do was go to work,
which yes is a hard job, i dont deny it, and he does good work, hes saved us thousands on auto repairs and home repairs, he can do almost anything.
but hes aways avoided being with me my family, and freinds.
I think hes bitter , for two reasons, one , he feels he was 'trapped' into marrying me after i got pregnant, then persuaded to be a jw, which made him loose any and all future freinds [not that hed have had any good ones thats for sure]
then when he did have the chance to divorce me, he caved because his new relationship wasnt going to work out, the lonliness and regret made his second guess his feelings, as of course did I, and being a forgiving person that i am I gave him yet the 500th chance to prove he can be a loving husband.
so for two months maybe four we lived sort of like a normal couple, having sex, going out to dinner, watching movies together.
but that was about it, he still wouldnt go visit anyone with me.
and here we are three years later right back where we were 10 years [or three] ago.
now i have three more doctors to go to and make sure i am 'healthy'
my lowere back mri showed nothing, my foot mri showed nothing, the pain i have seems to be emotional.
a good massage would help, and Im not getting that, lol
and right now my mom is preaching to me, and she told me now my dad again yes, againwent into the emergency room.
so im out, lol