One time, I was waitressing at a tourist restaurant on the beach. This woman at on of my tables (visiting from NYC, of course) was so rude to me, ordering me around and snapping her fingers to get my attention like I was her dog or something. As I approached her table with a fresh pot of coffee, she gestured imperiously for me to come over. Thinking she wanted yet another warm-up, I asked her, "Would you like a bit more?" only it came out "Would you like more, bitch?". I tried to tell her my English was not so good, but she wasn't buying it.
Insomniac
JoinedPosts by Insomniac
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21
Slip of the tongue and other embarrassments
by target inlove it when someone is trying to say something and the tongue chooses to rearrange the wording.
i think my favorite was one sunday a particular ms who had a thing for perfectionism was announcing the song to be sung "jehovah's happy people".
it came out "jehovah's happy peepee".
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19
Breakfast
by Englishman ini adore eating out for breakfast.
hl has gone to work and i have a free day.
so i'm off to sainsbury's to do a shop.
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Insomniac
Good gosh-a-mighty, how do y'all move after all that rich food? You make it sound tasty, though. Now, what is this black pudding stuff? I'm confused; is it actually a pudding made with blood? And what does it taste like? I don't believe we have that in the US.
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WHAT DO YOU SEE IN THE MIRROR?
by Terry ini see everything falling apart.
i have to suck it in; strike the right pose and choose the best angle to keep from grossing myself out.. what do you see?.
i'm 58 years old; what do i expect to see?.
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Insomniac
When I look in the mirror, I see the results of things I can't control- plenty of old scars, a few grey hairs, a birthmark on my arm that I hate, a soft belly no amount of crunches has rid me of.
And I see the things I do have control over- muscular legs from running up and down stairs all day carrying equipment, a tattoo that symbolizes empowerment, the prettiest nose my surgeon could give me, and nice, clear skin.
Together, it all seems to work. I'm no supermodel, but I get enough male (and occasionally female) attention to have finally convinced me that I'm pretty. I never felt that way in my teens or twenties; maybe self-acceptance comes easier to us as our bodies leave the generic beauty of youth, and gradually acquire the patina of an interesting life. As if the imperfections that mar our bodies over time, also serve as a kind of signature, marking us as the individuals we are. Whatever else it may be, this body is a reflection of who I am and the life I've led, so by accepting it, I also accept the choices I've made to get where I am.
Wow, I was really rambling there for a minute; guess I shouldn't try to post before I'm fully awake.
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15
IT'S ALMOST TIME FOR DANSK!!!!!!!!!!!
by Princess init's tuesday!
where are our heads?.
hurry up.
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Insomniac
Awww, we love you, too, Ian! And I'm so glad to hear that you're feeling good right now. Now go and have a terrific day! -E.
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21
bilbical ways to acquire a wife.
by candidlynuts infind an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes.
(deuteronomy 21:11-13) .
find a prostitute and marry her.
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Insomniac
Cut 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies and get his daughter for a wife.
(David--1 Samuel 18:27)Word to the wise: this method does not help you snag a husband. I tried it, and just pissed off my boyfriend and his folks. Now I'm not invited to family picnics no more.
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Insomniac
Naaah. Because then they'd slam me, and I'd slam back harder, and the whole thing would escalate until the poor guy needed therapy.
There are times when something someone posts here upsets me, angers me, disturbs me, whatever. I may slap my hand hard on my desk and call the individual a moron- but only my cat and I are privy to who the person is. I try not to get nasty on this site, just as I wouldn't pee in my own swimming pool. I value a clean, civil environment, and it's not worth losing that for the few seconds of satisfaction I'd get from being rude to someone I've never even met.
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QUIRKS; what are yours?
by Terry innot everybody is quirky.
but, we all know people who are....really...really quirky.. in school you can call them nerds.
in society we can avoid them, make fun of them and laugh.. but, each of us have certain quirks.
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Insomniac
And I'm scared of girls who paint their toilets black and decorate them with the heads of cut out rock stars.
OK, so as Country Goil has pointed out, another of my quirks is that I like to pee in interesting surroundings.
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QUIRKS; what are yours?
by Terry innot everybody is quirky.
but, we all know people who are....really...really quirky.. in school you can call them nerds.
in society we can avoid them, make fun of them and laugh.. but, each of us have certain quirks.
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Insomniac
I wash my hands an awful lot. Truly, way more often than most people do.
I hate cupboard and closet doors being left open; drives me crazy when I go to my bf's house, as he never closes anything, ever.
I sleep on my right side one night, and my left side the next night. I read an article when I was a child, about a little girl, presumably orphaned, who was abandoned on a city street. She lay for days on her side, while people walked over her. Then she was taken to an overcrowded orphanage, where she was fed but received little other care; too weak to move, she continued to lie on her side. By the time she was adopted by some Americans, her head was all flat on that side. This story scared me so much that to this day, I switch sides nightly.
I write lists all the time- grocery lists, great names for rock bands, synonyms for commonly-used words, names of historical persons I'd like to meet- on post-it notes, which flutter madly about my apartment like crazed butterflies.
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Top five films seen this year...
by Brummie in1, i robot (though the very last 1 minute scene was stchupid) .
2, eternal sunshine of the spotless mind.
(jim carey, best film he's ever done so far).
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Insomniac
In no particular order:
Kill Bill, Vols. 1 and 2 (awesome fight scenes!)
The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (hard to find, but worth it)
The Cooler (wherein William H. Macy somehow morphs into a sexy man)
Kiss the Sky (William Petersen nekkid)
Eve's Bayou
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65
What Are You All Reading?!
by Doubtfully Yours inso, what's everybody reading these days?.
i used to read so passionately, but i've lost the hobby due to everyday life stress and distractions.
i want to get back into reading again.
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Insomniac
Princess- Did you love Lord John and the Private Matter? I had a copy of it on tape a few months back(just before it was for sale in the stores!) and I enjoyed the story no end.
Currently I'm working on:
Voyager by Diana Gabaldon (working my way through the series a second time; hey, it's been a decade since I've last read them)
Born Bad by Andrew Vachss
Scum Manifesto by Valerie Solanas
and, for a lark: A Rose in Winter by Kathleen Woodiwiss (a romance novel with unintentionally hilarious dialogue and a rather improbable premise).