kyria

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Posts by kyria

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  10

  Jehovah's Witness Costume Top Seller This Year

  by Nosferatu in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  http://www.dailyprobe.com/arcs/102902/index.shtml

  jehovah's witness costume top seller this year .

  boston (dpi) - the top-selling costume in nearly every costume shop this year is the jehovah's witness costume.

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  kyria

  Here in Exodus it says that Jehovah brought a plague of M&M's upon the Egyptians...
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  66

  Introducing Myself...

  by kyria in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i just wanted to introduce myself and share my verbose story.

  my name is kyria, i'm 29 years old, originally from the pawtucket/lincoln rhode island congregation in the states.

  i found this board yesterday, and am completely blown away by what an amazing place it is.

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  kyria

  Hello everyone.
  

  I just wanted to introduce myself and share my verbose story. My name is Kyria, I'm 29 years old, originally from the Pawtucket/Lincoln Rhode Island congregation in the states.

  I found this board yesterday, and am completely blown away by what an amazing place it is. I can't believe I didn't know about it before now. I love reading other people's stories and I am really looking forward to sharing experiences with people who understand my background. It seems like I've been hiding all this for so long. Even when I tell people about my past, it's just "telling". There has been no one in my life to say "Wow, I remember that."

  I was raised as a Jehovah's Witness, baptized at 16, disfellowshipped at 23. I did the typical "married at 18" thing, to a brother who was 8 years my senior. I dropped out of high school, and we started dating when I was 16. I think I told him I loved him and said we should get married about a week into the relationship! We had absolutely no concept of how to have a relationship. His role model was a mother who stayed in a physically abusive relationship for the congregation, and mine was a mother who stayed in a psychologically abusive relationship. All we knew was that we were both lonely and wanted out of our houses.

  On our first anniversary, I told him I didn't love him anymore. His response was, "So? What are you going to do about it? You can't divorce me." It's so twisted that a husband would "keep" a wife who just flat out said she no longer loves him. So twisted that I couldn't bring myself to leave for almost 4 more years. I remember I used to constantly beg him to cheat on me so we could get divorced. I used to sit at home and drink all day and cut myself. This was my life.

  I didn't leave all at once. I didn't have an epiphany, I didn't even have doubts about the Watchtower teachings. I had bad associations.

  The Witnesses are right to be so crazed about "bad associations", they know that once their members see that "worldly" people aren't all Satan worshipping crack-whores, they're going to start drifting away. I began attending a local poetry reading where I met some of the sweetest people I've ever known. Slowly I began to realize something was missing from my life.

  I had an affair with a poet with the express purpose of coming home and telling my husband. I was so excited coming home from the hotel. The sex had been horrible, but all I wanted was freedom. Of course, he decided to "forgive" me, and I realized that I was trapped forever. I decided to kill myself. I never got around to it, but ended up in a mental hospital for a week. Of course, I didn't really want to die - I wanted to live! The psychologist in the hospital was smart enough not to mention my religion too much. She merely hinted that maybe I might not be happy as a Jehovah's Witness and that I would have to make a decision as to whether or not I wanted to stay with my husband. Amazingly, I was able to think clearly enough to decide I needed to leave.

  The night I left, my husband called my parents and told them what was happening. They drove to the house and stood screaming at me in the driveway saying "Do you want to die at Armageddon?", my father calling me a whore for cheating. I tried to run, but they physically held me down on the ground and forced me back into the house. I slept there that night, plotting my escape.

  I have a lot of blanks at this point. I know that I walked down the middle of the street to a friends house, and that he wouldn't let me in because it would be "inappropriate". I know that I made a frantic phone call to "the affair" and begged him to let me come live with him (this is how much of a child I was, I I really thought he would just let me move in with hiim). But I don't remember the rest of this night. I may have called one of the poets I knew. Eventually, I ended up staying with a poet and his mother who thankfully letting me stay in their guest room while I deprogrammed a little. She was a nurse and a feminist activist, and thought of me as a battered woman. I don't know what I would have done without that. Thank god for those "worldly" people.

  I went to my meeting to get disfellowshipped. It blows my mind now that I even bothered to attend, but I was still under their mind control. After the meeting, I drove to a place called Lincoln Woods, where I took out a bottle of whiskey and drank myself into a stupor. I walked into the middle of an open grassy area where I had my final conversation with Jehovah. I yelled into the sky that I hoped he could forgive me, but that I just had to leave. I felt no malice towards the congregation at that point. In my heart I thought that the people who were till JW's were right. It just wasn't right for me. It's amazing that I was able to leave while not truly understanding why. It was only a year later that I slowly began to feel anger towards what had been done to me in my youth.

  I haven't spoken to my father in 3 years. He doesn't know I was married, or that I've moved. He won't call me, and, though I'm sure I could call him, it's just too stressful to think about now. This haunts me day and night. At the strangest times I'll get some kind of flashback or feeling of overwhelming guilt. Sometimes I'll see an old man in a hat and just burst into tears.

  My mother is now trying to get reinstated because of "the way the world is now" (smacks hand to forehead). It's amazing a lack of historical knowledge and the war in Iraq will do to a person. I knew something was wrong when we went out to lunch and she decided to drive me past the old Kingdom Hall. Talk about passive aggressive. Hopefully I won't have to stop talking to her too.

  Lately I've been coming to terms with my past. I feel like I'm finally a whole person (well, almost... I'm really close!) I left my husband DJ of 3 years just 6 months ago and moved to New York, due to fear that I might be making yet another relationship mistake. I still have remnants of the brainwashing, and one of my issues is that I get far too intimate in relationships far too quickly! I also haven't experienced dating at all, and it seems like all my boyfriends are just father-figures. Although I love him, I'm still trying to decide if I've experienced enough of life to truly settle down just yet.

  Since I never graduated high school, I had to do a little fancy footwork to support myself. I fibbed a little on job applications (hey, I was already disfellowshipped, what could it hurt?) and eventually landed myself an entry-level job at a dot com where I taught myself computer skills. Now I have 5 years of web design experience under my belt and I'm doing pretty good! I continued writing poetry, but eventually stopped performing it because I got interested in standup comedy. I don't talk about my religious past in my act, but I am currently working on a one-woman show about my JW past which I plan to perform in Boston and New York very soon. I also write for a NY humor magazine called Jest, which landed me a nice contracting job writing for VH1. Go figure. The girl who almost didn't make it out alive now has a tv writing credit! So now I'm just making my way here in New York just waiting to become famous so I can be worshipped like the false idol I know I really am ;)

  I wish there were a way to tell people who knew me who are still in the organization that I'm doing well. I know the mindset when they think that you're gone. I didn't get chewed up and spit back out, and I won't ever come crawling back to the Kingdom Hall. In fact, any problems I had in leaving only had to do with the fact that I was completely unprepared for life by the Witnesses! My family is the one who made me helpless, that made it hard for me to succeed in the normal world. At 23, I had to turn around and try to learn all of the skills most normal people have been collecting since childhood. I started at a distinct disadvantage, but I give the Witnesses a big ol "F You" when I say, hey, I made it anyway!

  Leaving was the hardest thing I ever did, but I'm so glad to have had that kind of experience in my life. I gained an insight into parts of human nature that you can only understand by experiencing them. I know I have a lot of neuroses and I still suffer from depression, but I'm proud of who I am. There's something to be said about the knowledge that you are strong, that you made it, that you got through it. I have met so many good and amazing people and learned so much about what true spirituality means. I've even come to a point where I find religion to be interesting again, although I don't think I could ever bring myself to join any kind of organization.

  So many people have their lives all set out for them. Their parents pay for a nice little college education and they set about to get a nice little job and a nice little house with a picket fence. Although I envy that stability, I don't envy the worldview that comes with that tidy little life. I like the way my past has molded me into a woman of eclectic experience and strength. When people want to know about me, I always have a good story to tell.

  Thank you for this website!!
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  90

  What Was Your Reputation In The Congregation?

  by minimus in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  were you considered a "troublemaker", a "complainer", a "fine" brother or sister?

  were you always being called before the elders for one thing or another?

  is your reputation the same here as it was in the congregation??

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  kyria

  kyria: Sorry, but that kind of behavior is against forum rules.

  Welcome!!

  Oh no, another society whose rules I just can't follow!

  Thanks for the welcome...
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  10

  Jehovah's Witness Costume Top Seller This Year

  by Nosferatu in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  http://www.dailyprobe.com/arcs/102902/index.shtml

  jehovah's witness costume top seller this year .

  boston (dpi) - the top-selling costume in nearly every costume shop this year is the jehovah's witness costume.

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  kyria

  I mentioned this in another thread, but on my first Halloween out I actually dressed up as a Jehovah's Witness. I wore a long flowered dress and carried my old bible with me. It was really creepy, but it was my way of distancing myself from my past.

  I originally planned it to be more of a performance art piece, where I would go around the party witnessing to people, but that was too psychotic even for me.

  Most people thought it was really funny, but the few who knew about my past were understandably freaked out.
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  17

  Have you reunited with anyone from your past?

  by kyria in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  has anyone reunited with someone they used to be friends with when they were jw?

  what did it feel like?

  were you glad you did it?

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  kyria

  Thank you so much for the link to that board!

  It's funny, there are some people that I just have a feeling about. They had the kind of personality that said they might have gotten out. But you never know, right?

  My mother is trying to get reinstated now so I've managed to find out about a couple old friends (the maid of honor at my wedding) and was very sad to find that they're still brainwashed. For example, the story about the woman who wants her kids raised by her dub hubby. I'm not sure if I'm ready to handle that right now.

  I don't want to bring up the topic too often with mom, of course. Just when I feel like handling a lecture.
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  26

  Humourous, yet interesting questions

  by RAYZORBLADE in

  1. social
  2. humour

  time to crack the stuffiness out of ourselves today.

  well...let's say, everyday.. i'm going to have some fun here, because well, anything besides that, is no fun.. questions, questions, and more questions, and what will the answers be?

  you decide.. 1. are you an exjw, but still have remnants (shhh) of former jw thinking?.

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  kyria

  1. Are you an exJW, but still have remnants (shhh) of former JW thinking?

  I have remnants of former JW's... in my (shhh) trunk.

  2. Are you 'out' there? as in, not afraid to be seen on an apostate site, or known to be a former JW?

  I am out like RuPaul! I'm so worldly I even watch the Smurfs! Work it, girl!

  3. Are you angry, bitter or sad, as a result of your exposure and participation in JW activities/lifestyle?

  As a teenager I listened to The Cure and Morissey and wrote poetry in a graveyard near my house. No sadness I could ever have could compete with that kind of teen angst.

  4. Do you still have this feeling 'Armageddon' could still come anyday or in the future?

  Only when I watch George Bush attempt to read his teleprompter.

  5. What was your biggest epiphany that lead you to leave the JWs, or at least make plans to do so?

  Pot brownies and Morphine (the band, not the drug... we already had the pot)

  6. Do you still read/believe in the bible?

  Yes, and I also believe that if I walk through my wardrobe I can enter the magical land of Narnia.

  7. Do you still believe in god/higher power?

  I believe that it's easier to believe in one than to have nowhere to eat on the holidays.

  8. Do you accept other exJWs with opposing views than yours: athieism/agnostic vs. belief in god/higher power? (vice-versa)

  Debating the bible is like debating Lord of The Rings. I liked the books and all, but I'm not about to dress up like an elf and wait in line all night for tickets.

  9. Do you grade people on their disfellowshipping offenses? ie: apostacy, fornication, smoking etc.

  No, but Mayor Bloomberg does. First the smoking ban, next up - the fornication ban!

  10. Are you still a JW? (no names required)

  HA HA HA HA HA HAehem. Er, No.

  11. Anything you'd like to add, for what it's worth?

  Hail Eris! Fnord.
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  17

  Have you reunited with anyone from your past?

  by kyria in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  has anyone reunited with someone they used to be friends with when they were jw?

  what did it feel like?

  were you glad you did it?

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  kyria

  Has anyone reunited with someone they used to be friends with when they were JW? What did it feel like? Were you glad you did it?
  

  I'm scared to try and track people down, but I'm SO curious about the people I used to know. Especially the kids I grew up with. It's funny what the "shunning" policy does to you... it's like a whole part of your life doesn't exist. There are parts of me that no one could ever understand unless they'd been there. Of course, the people who were there won't talk to me.
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  50

  How do we stop feeling like exjws?

  by Brummie in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  i dont know.

  today i had an episode of dissociation, the feeling of being totally disconnected from everything and everyone.

  as if all of a sudden i knew no one or wasnt connected to anyone.

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  kyria

  I know exactly how you feel. Recently, I burst out crying (for the first time in a long time) because I suddenly realized that I still am, and always will be that gangly weird kid that no one liked. I moved to New York about 6 months ago, and I had to make all new friends. It's been stressful, I can't hide my quirkyness. I will always be a little off-center, a little bit crazy. Hey, some people like it, and some people think I'm nuts. But no matter how hard I try, I cannot get my mind on the same track as everyone else. There's the small flashbacks, and the general feeling of being an outsider. We were not raised with the same experiences as everyone else. It's taken me this long just to catch up on all the movies I'm supposed to have seen. I don't make for very tantalizing bar conversation. Hell, I still haven't seen "Ghostbusters".

  In truth, though, I don't ever want to stop being an ex-JW. It's made me who I am today, and I like that. Someone who sees through the smoke and mirrors of religion and, I feel, am on the correct path to becoming a truly spiritual person. I have so many interesting stories, and so many eclectic interests. If art comes from pain, I thank my past for making me an artist. I wouldn't give it up for anything. Not for the most boring, whitebread, functional family in all of suburbia. I'll take my past and use it to see the present that much clearer.
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  21

  JW marriages: happy/unhappy

  by starfish422 in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  i've been wondering how many jws have gotten married too quickly, without knowing their prospective "mate" well enough, and have ended up really unhappy.

  it always seemed to me that a couple would be dating for, like, 6 or 9 months and get engaged, have a 9 month engagement and be married; often because they bought the "no sex before marriage" garbage.

  i'm sure that there *are* happy jw marriages out there; and certainly being unhappily married isn't the sole property of jws.

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  kyria

  Thanks Badger!!

  Funny you should mention that. When I finally I left, I just took off walking. I didn't have a car, so I just started walking in the general direction of the next state. That may sound far, but I lived in Rhode Island, so I actually made it to Massachusetts in about 2 hours. :)

  It was pouring rain when I knocked on the door of a male friend of mine. He wouldn't let me in because he said it would be "inappropriate", and he was under review by the elders himself for making out with a friend of mine! He actually offered to give me money to stay in a hotel. I tearfully declined and ended up calling someone "worldly" I knew from a poetry reading I'd been secretly attending. That was the day I realized that those evil worldly people sure seemed a lot more Christian and loving than the supposed Christians. I ended up living with this guy and his mother for a couple of months while I tried to get my head together. I was very lucky to be taken in.
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  44

  What Do You Miss Most About Having Been A Witness?

  by minimus in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  anything??

  ?

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  kyria

  I miss buying new clothes for the assembly! Mom would take us shopping and then we'd strut around in our new hats and flirt with all the cute boys. Oh man, the assemblies were one giant fashion show. And when I was really young, at the circuit assembly, they actually had people cooking the food during the sessions, you could smell it when you went out into the hallway. The food was great. They must have decided that cost too much because they quickly switched over to the horrible plastic-wrapped turkey sandwiches and Shasta soda. I was always jealous of my friends who got to work in the kitchen. They'd walk around with their clear plastic gloves and aprons on, showing off.

  Sure, the talks were long and boring, but I would spend the whole time staring down that cute boy from some other congregation or drawing in my notepad. God bless whoever made it acceptable to give a pen and paper to a child!

  After the assembly, we'd get a couple of families together and all go out for Chinese food. Looking like idiots with our nametags on, praying before the meal, even though we never normally did. There will never again be anything in my life that will equal the excitement, and the new hats, I got from a district assembly as a child.