Posts by Alive!

48

Struggling

by Alive! in

i read here regularly and although i haven't joined in, i really appreciate all the wonderful contributions from those who are willing to share their experiences.... .

i was a convert.

i won't go into the whole history ( perhaps another day) - my story could easily be recognised in the small town where i live, with my husband.. so, we stopped going to the meetings around a period of time when we were going through severe emotional difficulties - at that point, we needed unconditional family love - the hectic, forced jw dinner parties and social occasions gave no real comfort.

Alive!

Yes, Magnum's pizza and blood illustration is brilliant! LOL.

14

Where did the Buzz go?

by snugglebunny in

jw
friends

i recently came across the very first kingdom song i ever heard.

twickenham, 1955. i was just a kid then of course, but i do recall the "buzz" that seemed to permeate everything, not dis-similar to that of an international rugby match.

people were smiling while singing their hearts out, the lunch-time queues for the cafeteria full of old friends getting re-aquainted, young lads and lasses eyeing one another and blushing furiously, sessions 2 untl 4 then 7 until 9.30 giving folk plenty of time to socialise.. where did it all go wrong?.

Alive!

When I first converted, I was overwhelmed with the hope for mankind.

I believed that only and absolutely only the most wicked and deviant could possibly reject Jehovah, at that final Armageddon hour.

That even those who rejected the "truth" now - would joyfully acknowledge Jah and Jesus at the final push, somehow.

I loved the sense of purpose, the conventions, the working together to provide hot meals.

But..... Even back 25 years ago, I'd get qualms about stuff that didn't make sense.

I buried any concerns - after all, wasn't this the true religion?

48

Struggling

by Alive! in

i read here regularly and although i haven't joined in, i really appreciate all the wonderful contributions from those who are willing to share their experiences.... .

i was a convert.

i won't go into the whole history ( perhaps another day) - my story could easily be recognised in the small town where i live, with my husband.. so, we stopped going to the meetings around a period of time when we were going through severe emotional difficulties - at that point, we needed unconditional family love - the hectic, forced jw dinner parties and social occasions gave no real comfort.

Alive!

Thank you again to Simon and et al for this space to write.

I feel guilty if people go to the trouble of reading my vent - you all have enough on your plates. Having said that - this is helping me through a bad few hours where several things came to a head. So forgive me if I keep tapping.

By the I have started volunteering, and LOVE it. Thanks for the heads up though - I knew I needed to make myself feel valuable and with purpose.

i don't do rejection well - I really don't.

I don't think anyone does rejection "well" - but in my case, the sting of rejection taps into an old childhood issue.

Two of my closest friends who have been wonderful to me in the past -( and I hope I have cared for them through the years ) have said that it's hard to maintain a relationship with me as I have been offensive about the Slave. I showed them a series of issues with intellectual dishonesty in the magazines, these issues were brought to my attention by a recipient of my preaching work a few years ago. LOL. Trinity brochure, Creation book etc.

What really got me was my trusted friends' complete refusal to admit to a problem.

Instead, one accused me of being ungrateful to Jehovah by rejecting his 'bread' or criticising it. That hurt. I am a people pleaser it would seem - being reviled and having my character undermined hurts and I find it hard to not let the sting undermine my inner sense of self.

I haven't handled all this entirely well I have to admit - but you know, I kind of guessed that one way or the other, our absence meant we were dead meat.

I have presented criticisms and exposed problems as in " how would an outsider see this?"

People are desperately tired of religion - we held up this "faith" as the only hope - and then we give them evidence of not having Holy Spirit... by biblical standards.

People deserve better than this. Becoming JW is not like becoming a Christian.

i experienced an outpouring of criticism and self defence, ending with them proudly announcing that at least "they held fast to loyalty".

48

Struggling

by Alive! in

i read here regularly and although i haven't joined in, i really appreciate all the wonderful contributions from those who are willing to share their experiences.... .

i was a convert.

i won't go into the whole history ( perhaps another day) - my story could easily be recognised in the small town where i live, with my husband.. so, we stopped going to the meetings around a period of time when we were going through severe emotional difficulties - at that point, we needed unconditional family love - the hectic, forced jw dinner parties and social occasions gave no real comfort.

Alive!

Thank you for your replies.

Yes, hoped to have children in the "new system" - the high profile Elder and his wife who originally studied with us, were strong supporters of the "no children" thing as were several of their Elder family friends.

I have watched witness children in my congregation fall into serious drug abuse, losing their lives, turning to prostitution. It's seriously upset me over the years how many kids fall on the wayside, get left behind because "they need to come back to Jehovah".

A sister bumped into me in a local showing mall recently - after saying how well I looked, she put on a sad face and said "have you left Jehovah - will you return to him?".

Another sent me a poem a couple of years ago.....which was half jokey and half serious - the last line ended "RIP Bob and Sue" after references to our departure from regular meeting attendance.

These particular Sisters wield a fair amount of social control in our congregation.

i guess some of you will know the sickening in the stomach feeling such personalities can cause......once upon a time these women "loved" to be my friends....I guess I was a more attractive associate when I was in the zone, when I had hundreds of 'friends'.

Now - it's like they never existed.

During the months where our attendance was patchy, I remember being asked to host a party for a couple of young witnesses who were getting engaged. We had 100 plus people in our large entertainment friendly home. It was a stunning night. A few weeks later, the same month they held a going away party to which the entire congregation was invited -.5 minutes before we left the Sunday meeting, one of their flat mates asked if we'd like to come. We had no idea there was to be a party, so we turned up expecting a small gathering for this "last minute" BBQ.

When we walked in and saw the huge banquet and nearly the entire congregation, we realised with a stab that we had been invited as last minute thought.

I knew what was going on - I suspected there was a form of marking - a couple of months later we were not invited to a congregation do - great apologies from the organising team, but we hadn't been at the meeting where invites were distributed.

That's right. I was struggling with depression. I needed comfort. True and kind social interaction. Warm cheer...the stuff of human life. But no meeting, well no invite.

We had ZERO converts in our congregation from outside in the 25 years we attended and made this "truth our own". Except for a couple of seriously whacky people.

Guess it works for some ......and of course, we who leave are the ones with the problem.

Sorry, I sound bitter. I don't think I am though - I'm hurt to the core..

48

Struggling

by Alive! in

i read here regularly and although i haven't joined in, i really appreciate all the wonderful contributions from those who are willing to share their experiences.... .

i was a convert.

i won't go into the whole history ( perhaps another day) - my story could easily be recognised in the small town where i live, with my husband.. so, we stopped going to the meetings around a period of time when we were going through severe emotional difficulties - at that point, we needed unconditional family love - the hectic, forced jw dinner parties and social occasions gave no real comfort.

Alive!

Hi

i read here regularly and although I haven't joined in, I really appreciate all the wonderful contributions from those who are willing to share their experiences....

i was a convert. I won't go into the whole history ( perhaps another day) - my story could easily be recognised in the small town where I live, with my husband.

So, we stopped going to the meetings around a period of time when we were going through severe emotional difficulties - at that point, we needed unconditional family love - the hectic, forced JW dinner parties and social occasions gave no real comfort.

When we started going again - it was clear to us that we were "marked"....invites to social events would be called out to others, over our heads. We had fought a deeply personal battle and had come through, we were standing firm together and here we were, feeling like outcasts in our congregational "family" as we plastered on smiles and tried to get back into congregation life.

i guess it hit us, that we had no JW friends who we could trust as "life buddies".

I started going out on service nearly every day - my heart sank more and more as uncomfortable realities kept challenging me. I would endure, for the "truth". But the "truth" was falling apart.

The generation teachings, the incredible inconsistency of the blood doctrine.

I challenged a couple of highly experienced pioneer friends to explain how fractionated blood drawn from stored whole blood is a matter of conscience, I asked them to imagine the question came from a non-witness. My heart sank further as I listened to these people talk absolute rubbish.

it's like 'cake' - they said. All the ingredients make cake, but apart from cake they are something else, eggs, flour etc.

My pioneer friends missed the point completely that blood, "sacred blood" must be drawn and stored to produce fractions. When I pointed this out - they ran a mile.

One said they'd do some research. Really? Never heard back.

I could write pages....your stories and experiences reflect mine so closely, I could easily cut and paste the posts of others and claim them as my own!

We've gone from being a "much loved" popular couple to having no support network in our home town. We are 60 years old. No children. Out in the cold. We invested in a "family" that is not family unless you swallow the same lies and deceits.

I struggle, the toll on my mental health is huge.

I wouldn't wish this on anyone (((( hugs)))) to you all.

29

Thankyou tv.jw! you are helping my wife wake up!

by stuckinarut2 in

i have to thank tv.jw!!!

(im not putting the complete link, but you know what i mean).

after showing my wife the 'trolley song' as we now call it, she was rolling on the floor in embarrassment and shock.. she shook her head, and was clearly troubled by what we watched.. little by little, the org is actually helping more to wake up!

Alive!

Good grief. Seriously.

No decent person with a heart of integrity is going to be drawn to all this junk.

My non-witness family and friends would have no respect for this.

Sadly, if I were to say anything to witness friends...I'd be judged as being over critical.

But we all know, the truly "spiritually hungry" they are trying to reach would not be attracted to this media disaster.

More stumbling from Bethel - add it to the list including the Caleb and Sofia obsessions and let's not forget the deaf masturbation video. This is all worthless distraction costing dollars, dollars and dollars.

Meanwhile, the sore at heart and hurt are being left behind on the wayside.

31

The WT is making a broadway musical about a cart, no joke!

by EndofMysteries in

i'm literally speechless on this.

mixed between a big wth, rofl, dumbest thing ever made, and shock that wt actually made this and is taking it seriously!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lxvnn04xd3u.

Alive!

I followed the trail when I read about the "Trolley Song" here - and am floored.

You will all remember that terrible video about masturbation - produced for the deaf in sign language.

I was still deeply "in" (although starting to feel uncomfortable with "things" regarding the integrity of "nu-lite") when I viewed the masturbation video on the watchtower's website.

At that time, remember, there were limited videos....this was new media for the Watchtower society, the organisation had not yet morphed into jw.org.

Why, why did this subject had to be filmed with all the hand gestures and facial expressions of female and male masturbation and orgasmic pleasure. The deaf didn't need the information accompanied by sign language.....they could read it well enough.

It was one of the big nails in my particular coffin of faith in this organisation - I knew something was terribly wrong. For the GB and the movers and shakers to nod with assent to making such a useless video, which could offend and repel people outside of the witness world.

At that time there were less than half a dozen videos for the deaf on the site....

And now we have an inanimate object turned into some sort of caring, feeling personality.

When I was first studying with the witnesses - they had an internal slogan - they were looking for spiritually honest, spiritually humble and spiritually hungry people.

This organisation has no idea about the heart of people. If they really believe that people with such qualities will be drawn to musicals about "carts"...do they not understand? Are they so far from wanting to attract truly hungry, spiritual hearts?

It seems to me, they are once again using media to control and sway the emotions of the R and F.

The desired affect is that the R and F grow a sentimental attachment to the cart. Along with sentimental attachments to button pins with jw.org, all the Caleb and Sofia paraphenalia....

Junk. Pure junk.

No-one of any integrity is going to be drawn to this - surely?

50

My mother says I should just DA already.

by Julia Orwell in

cut the cord.

sever all ties.

start new.. and she's right.

Alive!

Sorry, I rarely contribute here, perhaps just a couple of posts in the past.

There are some wonderful insights and suggestions in this thread.

You know, I have had a huge struggle over the past couple of years.

From the initial misery of realization that there is something terribly wrong with the organisation to a full blown rejection of a "movement" I had absolute faith in - its tough. Really tough.

But, you will get through. You really will.

18

Today's wt "study" obfuscations

by prologos in

paragraph 9 : " jesus blood validates the new covenant -- makes posiible the forgiveness sins for all time#.-- [and]--.

god could apply the value of jesus' shed blood to adams descendants--*.

--he could** also adopt certain --humans "as sons"--".

Alive!

Yes, once upon a time I would have loved this study - Dwelling on the "meatier" things.

My feeling of humility to have such "sacred secrets" revealed to me - well, it's hard to put into words, but I know many of you will understand.

Sheesh - what a total plonker!

7

Counting time to build bethel.

by krejames in

visited jw family yesterday.

conversation turns to bethel's recruitment drive for volunteers to help build the new complex in essex and how many pioneers and holding back from volunteering directly with bethel but willing to volunteer thru what was the regional building committee (can't remember what the new name for rbcs is).

the reason?

Alive!

Crazy, crazy and more crazy.

And so familiar.....counting time is everything.

I spent that laat few days of an aux pioneer month driving between RVs - choosing to go from one end of town to the other - counting the time...... With my pioneer partner for the month.

This was several years ago - both of us sincere in our desire to meet our pledge to do the hours.

Good grief. I'm so ashamed.