Posts by airwlk149

24

I MOVED OUT!

by airwlk149 in

ok, so i moved out on saturday.

i am not 18 for 17 more days but my mom asked me to leave early all the same.

on friday things got hairy, we had jw friends from out of town visiting, and i exploded.

ok- when i said that i could watch friends and rated r movies i was joking around. my situation is a very tense situation so anything that i can make a joke about i will. sorry if i offended anyone. i do have alot of worries, college, work, a place to live... etc., but i thank my lucky stars that i have some really wonderful friends to help me through all of this. they are non-jw's (worldly). last night my dad came and took me to dinner and reassured me that he would always talk to me and love me no matter what the elder's or anyone said. that made me feel better. he still wants me to attend meetings with him but i told him no. we started talking about religion and he said that disfellowshipping is a scriptual punishment. so we still disagree with alot of things. but it is nice to know that i have my family no matter what. as for my jw friends, well since i am not disfellowshipped they can still talk to me. one jw "friend" wants me to keep studying the knowledge book with her. i don't think so.....
anyways i hope i cleared some things up. i only said i was apostate to scare my parents. that sounds mean and wicked and it is, but i couldn't help it at that moment. i probably am apostate since i have so many evil thoughts about elders and some jw's...
if anyone wants to email me- it's: [email protected]

and Ray Skyhorse, if you read this email me so we can talk... i would enjoy talking to you!

love always,
katie

thanks for reading! :)

24

I MOVED OUT!

by airwlk149 in

ok, so i moved out on saturday.

i am not 18 for 17 more days but my mom asked me to leave early all the same.

on friday things got hairy, we had jw friends from out of town visiting, and i exploded.

airwlk149

ok, so i moved out on saturday. i am not 18 for 17 more days but my mom asked me to leave early all the same. on friday things got hairy, we had jw friends from out of town visiting, and i exploded. i told my dad that i never even wanted to be reinstated and that i am now apostate. he kind of freaked over that. i told him that i hated all witnesses and they were the worst people on earth. as you can see i kinda exploded! a bunch of tears and anger seeped out of me. my dad told me not to leave, but i did. i stayed at my "issue's" house.(lol) the next day my mom came to pick me up and asked me what had happened the night before with my dad and i (she had been in bed) i told her and i included that i didn't want my 2 friends studying anymore. that sent her over the deep end, that and the word "apostate". so she told me to leave now. she started throwing my stuff on my bed and to start packing. so i did. i called my friend/issue and told her to come pick me up. she came over. she took awhile and my mom was trying to convince me that she wasn't coming for me. well she did and i put all my stuff in her car and moved it to her room and garage. so since saturday i have been living with my "issue". we share a room. i am having fun with it. i am kind of scared because i don't have a permenet place to live yet, but i'll be ok. now i don't have to go to meetings or anything. I GET TO WATCH FRIENDS ON THURSDAY! AND RATED R MOVIES! so yeah- things are getting better...

love always,
katie

thanks for reading! :)

trying to figure it all out....

by airwlk149 in

jw
friends

not much happening here.

actually that's the understatement of the year!

everything has been happening.

airwlk149

hi everyone. not much happening here. actually that's the understatement of the year! everything has been happening. right now we have some very active jw's staying with us. they are bugging me about when am i going out in service? i woke up this morning and heard my mom and my friend's mom talking about me. they thought i was asleep so i overheard alot. "katie doesn't seem like she's REALLY back. you can tell in her eyes. her heart just isn't into it. i think it's her association- she really needs to stop hanging around those two girls(one of them is my "issue") it's bad for her! they are gonna pull her into the world, 'bad association spoils useful habit'...etc." BULLSHIT! i am so sick of jw's trying to tell me what to do. i am not getting enough time so i am going to end up baad association for everyone else in our congregation. i didn't even want to be reinstated what makes them think that i am going out in service? my friends mom was asking me if i was going to pioneer. i wanted to laugh and say HELL FRICKING NO WAY! IS SHE CRAZY? ok other than that jw drama at my house, i have been spending a lot of time with my "issue". not that i hadn't been before. it's just lately there is more intimacy. it's a nice feeling. :) so yeah. on my last post, just wanting to talk to somebody...- i think i offended some people. i didn't mean to. i do have a father. a really good father. & i agree that children should have a father.i just was asking myself really if i'll still get to have kids. if i still want them. i love my "issue" so much, so i don't know? just thinking outloud. don't mind me! :) i am 17- well 18 in 24 days, so i am young. still undecided on so many things. i am leaving good ol Sac., Ca in 24 days. i don't know where i am going yet. maybe i'll just leave my HOUSE and not my neighborhood. my "issue" DOES live around the corner from me. and i don't want to leave her, i love her too much. but i have to prove to my mom that i can leave if I WANT TO! she can't hold me back. whatever- i have 24 days to figure it out. :) well, that's it for now. no one has emailed me. but i am kinda new at this. so if you say that i can email you- why don't you leave your email address? in case you all don't know mine it is- [email protected]. just address it to katie, so my "issue" knows it's for me! and leave your email addresses so i can write you all! Love you all bunches!
katie

thanks for reading! :)

21

just wanting to talk to someone...

by airwlk149 in

jw
friends

ok- this isn't going to be very interesting.

just wanting to talk without speaking words.

but i am not talking about the "friend" who is really an issue.

airwlk149

ok- this isn't going to be very interesting. just wanting to talk without speaking words. so i decided to come here and type what i am feeling. though i can't really because i don't know how i am feeling. my "friend" and i are getting alot closer. if anyone who read my last post, am i normal? you'll know which "friend" i am talking about. the other day i was on the internet and i was talking to this guy and he asked if i was single and i said i didn't know. because i really don't know. i don't have a boyfriend... so yeah then later that night i was telling this to my "friend" and i asked her what she thought i was to her. she said she didn't know either. so i said you are my issue. so that's what i have, an issue. not a boyfriend or a girlfriend, but an issue. i think that's kind of funny in a way. we do love each other and i am almost convinced that i could be a lesbian. and sometimes i think she is one too. we could be a couple. it's really hard for me to say it, but that's what i want. we talked the other day and i told her i could she us living together. she just listened. i know it's harder for her to say stuff then it is for me. she mainly listens, but it's by her actions that i know where she stands. the other thing is that i really want kids. all my life that's what i dreamed about. that and being a teacher. but would people let me teach their children if they knew i was a lesbian? and would it be fair to raise a child with two moms and no dad? i could see us raising a baby together. we watched my niece together the other day- she's two- and we had so much fun giving her a bath and putting her to bed, reading her stories and such. but how would we have a baby together. i would love it if it could come from both of us, but i don't think that's possible. then when i reflect back on how i feel, i feel icky because these things are coming out of my mouth. my mother would shit a brick. last night my friends that are studying came over and we had to watch the young people ask video on how to make real friends. it was so dumb, because on the video they are telling you not to hang out with anyone who is not jw, because they are worldly. but both of my friends are not jw- and i know one of them has no plans on becoming one. the other one is getting sucked in.... "everyone is SO nice" "they're not that bad, Katie..." etc., she even told me last night at the store that she is not that excited for the holidays because there not that fun, and she has more fun just goiung to congregation get togethers. that's a scary thought. but i am not talking about the "friend" who is really an issue. thank god! well, i am going to go. thanks for reading, if anyone even got this far, because all i really did was ramble!
love,
katie

thanks for reading! :)

15

am i normal?

by airwlk149 in

ok, so i am 17 almost 18. i used to have a boyfriend.

we were gonna get married this coming december, but stuff happened and we aren't now.

i had sex with him before marriage, and the bible firmly states to deaden your body memebers, which apparently we did not.

airwlk149

thank you to all who responded to my post. it helps to know that other people aren't as judgemental as many of the people i have come in contact with. i am getting used to the idea and the feelings of being with her.

thanks for reading! :)

34

ouija boards

by radar in

jw
friends

have any of you tried it?.

radar

airwlk149

no- i don't like them.

thanks for reading! :)

18

what it feels like to be reinstated

by airwlk149 in

i just got reinstated about 3 months ago and i am still trying to adjust.

i got baptized right before i turned 16, got disfellowshipped not even a year later.

then another year later i get reinstated.

airwlk149

i just want to say thank-you to all of you who responded to my post. it warmed my heart to see how so many people responded with the love that you all showed. i see now that there are so many people who are like me and have been through what i have been through, and it makes me see that i am not alone in feeling what i feel. it's the worst feeling to feel, but i got through it and i know that i can make it. i would love to talk to all of you and hear what you have to say. email me anytime and i will try and email all of you. thank-you again so much!

thanks for reading! :)

20

A brief summary of life as one of JW's

by Angst in

thank you stacey and individual's wife!

i appreciate your comments and encouragement.

the ex-witnesses i am in communication with are family and they are very hateful towards the witnesses.

airwlk149

ok- this is amazing. so i just found out about this place only a few days ago and now i am hooked. i have never in my life thought that i could find a place where so many people thought the same thing as i did. mainly because i always thought that they were wrong thoughts.(apostate as my mom would sat. we can't even have the internet because it is satan's way into our household.) i know that this couple who were dating went out on this boat thing and were drinking very heavily and got caught having sex. by three elders. but the girl was one of the elder's daughters and so was the guy. the other elder was just their friend. they didn't get in trouble at all. but when i went before the elder committee two of those elder's disfellowshipped me for loose conduct with my boyfriend who at the time i was going to marry. the two i spoke of earlier we not going to get married. screw those double standards! i totally related to your story about bethel. my parents want my little brother to attend, but i doubt he will get recommended because our family has not such a good standing in the hall. my mom is a religious nut, though she can't make all her meetings. my dad is not an elder or servant. my mom is not a pioneer. my older sister was disfellowshipped. so yeah. anyone who wants to talk can email me anytime. i like knowing that i am not alone. thanks! :)

15

am i normal?

by airwlk149 in

ok, so i am 17 almost 18. i used to have a boyfriend.

we were gonna get married this coming december, but stuff happened and we aren't now.

i had sex with him before marriage, and the bible firmly states to deaden your body memebers, which apparently we did not.

airwlk149

ok, so i am 17 almost 18. i used to have a boyfriend. we were gonna get married this coming december, but stuff happened and we aren't now. i had sex with him before marriage, and the bible firmly states to deaden your body memebers, which apparently we did not. so i haven't seen or heard from him in over a year. i got a job where i met alot of new people. there was this one girl that i became friends with. well we got closer and closer and now she's my best friend. i see her everyday. well, about 2 months ago i told her that i was sexually attracted to her. i don't think i am a lesbian because i don't like FEMALES i only like her. or i should say love because i do love her. so i was suprised that i didn't freak her out. it actually made us closer. i don't know what's going on because then like a week after i tell her this i get reinstated! now my mom is like, "you have to study the knowledge book with them and teach them the truth or you can't spend time with them. they are worldly."(i hate the term worldly) so yeahhhhh. i am so confused. don't know what i can do? i mean now that i am reinstated i can talk to my ex-boyfriend(i haven't yet and don't know if i will.), which i don't really consider him my ex because WE never broke up. our parents and the elder's broke us up. i really did truly love him with all my heart and wanted to marry him. we were very sexual towards each other, so that's why i can't help wonder why i am so attracted to my girlfriend? i love her, and it seems so natural and ok to want to be with her, even though i know alot of people say and think it isn't. nobody knows about "us". she told one friend a little bit of what's going on and so did i, but they don't know much and it would be too akward to tell them. i need someone i can talk to. i have one person i have talked to over the internet and i thank her and she knows who she is. she actually told me to come on here and post so i could get feedback on how i was feeling because i have been going crazy!
i truly love my friend and i do know she loves me back. i am getting more comfortable with how i feel, because i don't feel like these feelings are going to fade anytime soon. i don't know what i would call myself. or what i would call "US"? so yeah. aig?

thanks for reading! :)

18

what it feels like to be reinstated

by airwlk149 in

i just got reinstated about 3 months ago and i am still trying to adjust.

i got baptized right before i turned 16, got disfellowshipped not even a year later.

then another year later i get reinstated.

airwlk149

hi. i just got reinstated about 3 months ago and i am still trying to adjust. i got baptized right before i turned 16, got disfellowshipped not even a year later. then another year later i get reinstated. i am now almost 18. getting disfellowshipped was the hardest thing i have ever been through. i lost my whole life, my friends, everything. i wanted to die, i tried to kill myself 3 times. but i lived and i made myself a new life and new friends. now that i am reinstated my mom is saying that my new friends have to study or we can't hang out. i feel like i am going nuts! all these people who treated me like dirt and acted as though i was dead are now acting like i have been out of town saying crap like, "welcome back!" and thinking i can pick up with them right where we left off. i can't do tht. i remember what it felt like to see them ignore me. my friends that i made are there because they love ME not because i was a pioneer or an elder's daughter. the boy i was with, who i was supposed to marry this december, did not get disfellowshipped mainly because his dad and brother were on his committee. i haven't seen or talked to him since we got in "trouble". how's that for true love? they acted like we murdered someone. whatever. that's all for now.