Hi Lynne , welcome :)
its not that i dont understand on some level but even if you filed a law suit and some how miraculously won, its not as if you could ever know for sure that they didnt make a copy of the records before turning them over to you, and ultimately, you cannot erase the minds of those that were involved.
Its ok to be mad, we all go through varying degrees and stages of it. As you noted your not even sure why you want them.... It sometimes helps to try to articulate these things. The effort helps to identify your end goal... In this particular case, wanting to see your records is indicative of wanting to know what they said about you behind your back maybe even wanting to take some control from them.
All understandable.... whatever you THINK they said, they probably did. But they wouldnt have written it in the official record. And you wont get any control back in a time consuming and ultimately doomed lawsuit . Spend some time here. It may help in way you cant yet imagine