Posts by rosalyn

79

My wife "Rowan" needs of your support too.

by Gerard in

jw
friends

my wife 'rowan' was born and raised a jw, her father being an elder -a very gentle loving person, but an elder.. some years ago, she was betrayed by a close friend, subjected to a jc and was disfellowshiped & shunned.

the proceeding was completely void of mercy and love, it was much like a violation, a rape.

finding herself df'd was of course terrifying, but the most disapointing outcome was that her father sided with the elders.. eventually she discovered through select books, articles and this board about the fear-driven mind control ways of her religion.

rosalyn

the vet from viet nam....he is remembering what he witnessed....the atrocities ......I think about some of these guys who have buried it so deep that only special tactics can get it out. And then sometimes it only makes things worse.

I am recalling a story told to me by a counsellor who witnessed WW2 Vet bringing his experiences up to the surface. I felt like giving the counsellor a hug. He was truly upset by the anguish he saw this older gentleman go through.

I imagine that some of us ex jws have stuff buried really deep as well and for some it might be better left there. I have no desire to delve any deeper than I have already. However everyone has to make that decision for themselves.

rosalyn

79

My wife "Rowan" needs of your support too.

by Gerard in

jw
friends

my wife 'rowan' was born and raised a jw, her father being an elder -a very gentle loving person, but an elder.. some years ago, she was betrayed by a close friend, subjected to a jc and was disfellowshiped & shunned.

the proceeding was completely void of mercy and love, it was much like a violation, a rape.

finding herself df'd was of course terrifying, but the most disapointing outcome was that her father sided with the elders.. eventually she discovered through select books, articles and this board about the fear-driven mind control ways of her religion.

rosalyn

Grace/Mouthy asked me to take a look at your post Gerrard.

My heart aches for you.Do not give up. There are so many of us who care.

I only had a little time this morning to read some of the other posts and what I did read it sounded so helpful,so endearing.

2004 was a terrible year for me and if you could see where I am today you may think"what a wonderful success story?" I still pinch myself when I think at this very moment in 2004 I was so extremely low and getting lower and lower as each day progressed. Landed in the hospital 3 times that year.

Today my situation is wonderful. I have to remember not to get too cocky. I still have to take one day at a time. I still have to remember to stop and breath and take a minute at a time.

Just keep hanging on and remember those baby steps for both of you.

You say you will go to counselling as well. You don't need to be told that counsellors are not created equal. Some are loonier than bed bugs. I, fortunately didn't get many of those. And you don't have to agree with everything they say.

Common sense and gut feelings mean more than most people realize. Of course when you are so low the gut gurgles some pretty weird bile and common sense sort goes somewhere else. Rowan, fortunately has you to help her along this rocky road. You will be her senses sometimes.

She is so lucky to have you. I have met too many that just don't have much support at all.

Medications? Don't let anyone tell you that they have no place in healing. But sometimes it takes several tries to get it right. Sometimes certain meds can make the client very ill indeed. I speak from experience. And because of this I couldn't be pumped full of pills which in turn was a blessing in disguise. But always keep that aspect of the treatment monitored.

I have so many encouraging things to say but alas I need to get at the mundane stuff of laundry but ya know, I find joy in that. Then I work this afternoon(a job that I have always liked) Best of all..... My husband and I are off to visit with our three kids for my birthday. I told them I would be happy with a Harvey's hamburger but we will probably go somewhere with plates and cutlery.

Hang in there.

much love

rosalyn

68

Broken Heart

by jillbedford in

my almost 17 year old daughter left to stay with her dad last thursday.

this is the second time she has left due to my strict rules, like 10p school day curfue, get to school on time, keep your grades above a c. she has not kept to my rules, so as a consequence i told her this last wednesday night she has lost driving priviledges of the car i gave her on her 16th birthday.

she said she was leaving to live with her dad.

rosalyn

It's a new day here in Ontario, Canada and I am refreshed from sleep.

You are hurting and you are mad at your daughter but remember you are the grown up. At the same time attempt to remember what it like was being 17. Probably your circumstance were quite different but you still had the same feelings, insecurities and such.

Sounds like you have really tried to provide the material items. A car at age 16.I didn't get my Datsun until I started to pioneer at age 18That's a joke.

She trashed her bathroom and her bedroom? That's quite extreme and I can see why you had to redecorate. Change the locks on the house? Did you feel you were in danger? Figuratively speaking, you already know not to ever lock the doors on her. Don't ever ever close the door on your kids. Yes tough love is a good thing but for heaven's sake make damn sure you are there for her. Because honey, if that girl needs someone it's now. Her Dad may let her down bigtime. He already has. These jerks that don't pay their support are another story.

The current husband.....what are his attitudes towards your parental duties? If he is enamoured with the other runners the way you think he might be..... well let him run with them.

Several times here it's been mentioned that therapy is in order. Yup! very good thing.

I have three young adults(age 22 up to 28)My husband and I are damn lucky to have these cherished human beings in our lives. We(the grown ups)caused them grief through their teenage years. That's a whole other story but I can't urge you enough to put your daughter 1st while putting yourself 1st at the same time....Tricky:very tricky.

best of luck. Hope that you and your daughter come out the other side of this without too many scars. If it means putting her above husband number two do it. If he loves you he will help you, not hinder you.

rosalyn

68

Broken Heart

by jillbedford in

my almost 17 year old daughter left to stay with her dad last thursday.

this is the second time she has left due to my strict rules, like 10p school day curfue, get to school on time, keep your grades above a c. she has not kept to my rules, so as a consequence i told her this last wednesday night she has lost driving priviledges of the car i gave her on her 16th birthday.

she said she was leaving to live with her dad.

rosalyn

Yes Grace you are a naughty granny and I really can see you driving a pink RV

what am I talking about?

go the personal experience and reunions ----veronica_mars-----"back again after all these years"

BROKEN HEART You have had a great deal of kindness, support and love given to you today. It's been several years since being on this site and I don't know you. Maybe I will look at things differently when the sun sets and rises again.

rosalyn

40

Back again, after all these years...

by veronica_mars in

wow.

i used to post here lifetimes ago, and i just recently came back and read some of my old posts.

rosalyn

Katie:

I sent you a message. So don't forget to check the box at the top corner of this page. You may already have noticed it. I really am not that computer savvy so I was delighted when I made the thing work......

Since coming back on this site I have re-connected with a friend I made several years ago making use of that inbox.

Those stinking elders are so full of themselves. And it boils me to think they are still imparting such "wisdom" My non-witness aunt said she was sure that this organization hates women. She was comparing my treatment after disfellowshipping with that of my male cousin after disfellowshipping.Sometimes I tended to agree with her.

I visited a disfellowshipped "sister" years ago. She related a story to me about how the elders visited their home because her husband was having trouble with her being submissive. They came, they counselled, they admonished and they suggested that after they left that she should go into the bedroom with her husband and make love. And that would make things better for them. What bull shit eh?

katie you hang in there girl. We are here to listen. I know I won't be able to get to this site everyday so please feel free to email me.

rosalyn

22

URGENT - UK Elders (or elders wives)

by S EIGHT in

i am in urgent need of a copy of a letter sent to uk elders in regard to weddings held at the kh and specific comments about the responsibilities of the brother giving the wedding talk.

i'm told this is a fairly recent letter.. we have an elder kicking up hell about innactive ones who want to come and watch the wedding.

he happens to be the one giving the talk and is acting like he has full control on this wedding.

rosalyn

I am so glad I am out of the organization.

I have just come back to this site after an absence of several years and reading some of these postings is getting my blood boiling. Think I had better get a another cup of green tea.

When my sister got married in 1989 my husband and 3 children were invited to the wedding service because it is public building is open to all. The reception was another story. No go there. We were asked to be in the formal wedding pictures.

Why did I allow me and mine to be treated like this? Why did we go? She is my little sister. She even told me she hated it that we couldn't see each other. However, she did come to visit my children. Since my disfellowshipping in 1985 I don't get to see much of my little sister but she has been there for me when I landed in the hospital. 1987 she came to look after my children and then in 2004 she and her husband came daily to look after my cats. I am getting off topic aren't I? Sorry 'bout that. It's just that this site is bringing back some memories.

I can't believe this elder is being given such free reign? Is he just giving the wedding talk or is he in the legal capacity of actually marrying couples?

Praise to Jesus that I am out of that crap!!!!

Good luck with the wedding.I'll be thinking about you.

rosalyn

40

Back again, after all these years...

by veronica_mars in

wow.

i used to post here lifetimes ago, and i just recently came back and read some of my old posts.

rosalyn

Dixie Chicks?!

Was just spinning that cd and when I listen to Not Ready to Make Nice I think of Grace/Mouthy even though she really loves JWs. I think I could also see Grace driving a pink RV Taking the Long Way Around. I am gone so long now from the organization that it's not often I think about all the hurt, bitterness, anger that I felt because of them. But I won't kiss their back sides either.

I have just arrived back on this site after a 5 year absence as well and it is so good to talk with people who know the lingo. However....

When I made my post this morning to get feedback on a particular topic I did think of things that haven't crept into my mind for a long time. Not feeling frustrated for myself but my heart is hurting for those that still have to mend.

rosalyn/barbara

11

conspiracy theories after leaving or being disfellowshipped

by rosalyn in

i need some feedback on treatment after leaving or being disfellowshipped: not necessarily about how you were shunned by family members, ex-friends etc.

but please don't hold back if you would like to let me know about that aspect.

i may relate one or two situations of my own if this thread gets going.. what i am looking for is: did you notice anything that might have been taken as attempts to discredit your name, sanity, credibility etc.

rosalyn

Thanks for the imput so far. Insightful.

Something I had forgotten about. (I have been unattached since 1981 on my terms and 1985 by their terms.) So you forget things and that's a good sign. Many witnesses are janitors, cleaners right? Banks etc. I remember cleaning the Avco Finance when I was 18. Never ever gave it a thought to rifle through any drawers or the like but how secure are these places really. I don't know because I just never gave it a thought until today. This was suggested to me by my friend when we had recent telephone conversation.

Plus there are some who are in positions of trust like nurses, hospital technicians. In a perfect world, if they are doing their jobs right they won't let personal opinions get in their way.

I work in a library and there is no way I would tamper with a JW's(or anyone else for that fact) over dues and loan periods etc. to cause them inconvenience. My job is too important to me and I wouldn't jeopardize it for those people anyways.

I do remember one JW who would have fines constantly and the line of questioning was quite accusatory towards me in particular. She never came out with "Are you doing something that I am getting all these fines?" but came so close to it. My work ethic is very important to me and they aren't worth it. I don't even tell other people what they take out of the building.

But now that my friend has mentioned this angle I have to be honest... I don't have the same amount of confidence in their honesty as I do in mine.

Does anyone remember the term "righteous lying"? Like I said before I have blessedly forgotten so many things and it just sounds like something we did when in the organization.

Wew I am having a trip down memory lane here......In 1981 I remember letting my husband think I had left the organization but when he was on the afternoon shift I would go to the meetings and I would go out in service when he was on day shift.....Did that for several months.

more later

ros/barb

Anyways that another angle to look at.

11

conspiracy theories after leaving or being disfellowshipped

by rosalyn in

i need some feedback on treatment after leaving or being disfellowshipped: not necessarily about how you were shunned by family members, ex-friends etc.

but please don't hold back if you would like to let me know about that aspect.

i may relate one or two situations of my own if this thread gets going.. what i am looking for is: did you notice anything that might have been taken as attempts to discredit your name, sanity, credibility etc.

rosalyn

Greetings everyone:

I need some feedback on treatment after leaving or being disfellowshipped: not necessarily about how you were shunned by family members, ex-friends etc. but please don't hold back if you would like to let me know about that aspect. I may relate one or two situations of my own if this thread gets going.

What I am looking for is: Did you notice anything that might have been taken as attempts to discredit your name, sanity, credibility etc. Stalking by our former group.?

I never felt that anyone was going out of their way to "keep an eye on me" but I remember commenting to my non-witness sister-in-law that several times when preparing for a birthday parties witnesses would come a knocking that Saturday morning. I always chocked it up to coincidence but she said "ya know many of them would know when the kids birthdays would be through the witness relatives....maybe they are popping 'round on purpose"

It did make me think a little but not much because we would often have these celebrations on varying weekends either before or after the actual date. Also I didn't dwell on it much because I was having major fun throwing these kiddie parties. I will openly admit I did dwell on other things

I would so appreciate some ideas on this because I have a dear friend who is going through a hellacious time right now with some scary thoughts on such possiblities. He has sometimes felt that they might even be following him.

I will make one short comment about being able to recognize "them" in a crowd. I have been in a car with a friend and pointed ahead and commented "there they are: out knocking on doors" I am talking of a distance of about a block or two away and not being able to see faces. She is quite impressed with my observation skills I am such a sleuth

Looking forward to everyone comments.

barbara/rosalyn

19

For you "sisters" who married in the "Truth"...

by Frequent_Fader_Miles in

just a poll question.

at the first convention/ assembly following your wedding ... did you parade around the convention site gloating in other sisters' faces, showing off your new husband?

i've never done it, but i can't help but suspect that others do.

rosalyn

I hope I am responding using the proper method. Haven't been on this site for probably 4 years but I was accepted using my user name and password.

I think any flaunting that was being done by either males or females was probably because now these people were now "getting some"