My wife "Rowan" needs of your support too.

by Gerard 79 Replies latest jw friends

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  Gerard

  My wife 'Rowan' was born and raised a JW, her father being an Elder -a very gentle loving person, but an Elder.

  Some years ago, she was betrayed by a close friend, subjected to a JC and was disfellowshiped & shunned. The proceeding was completely void of mercy and love, it was much like a violation, a rape. Finding herself DF'd was of course terrifying, but the most disapointing outcome was that her father sided with the Elders.

  Eventually she discovered through select books, articles and this board about the fear-driven mind control ways of her religion. She broke free of the fear implanted by the WT, a MAYOR brakethrough to be admired and celebrated. She was re-established (after 2 humiliating attempts) only to renew family ties (she faded successfully now) but years or bottled anger and constant pain have taken their toll. She has suffered through years of significant depression and now she is undergoing a mayor brakedown, which is requiring of professional help.

  I love her so much, but as a non-JW, I will never fully understand the spiritual abuse and insults she went through and am just beguining to understand what a chronic clinical depression does to people. I know that hope has to be re-established and start a path for reducing the anger and disapointment (to her father and the WT) that is destroying her. Myself, I will also seek counselling.

  'Rowan' is trully beautiful, has a gorgeous body and she is an incredible smart woman just starting her professional career with aim to establishing her private consulting services. Rowan is a loving wife and has a bright future ahead, but has healing to do to reduce the anger and pain, and I will appreciate very much that those of you who have gone through a similar experience can also give her your support and a word of hope to keep on living.

  Thank you,

  Gerard
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  nvrgnbk

  IMO, Gerardo

  If she has a man like you as a partner and can deprogram herself informationally, she's going to be just fine. It's a long road ahead, but she'll make it.

  Give her a hug from JWD, from your description of her that shouldn't be too unpleasant for you.

  'Rowan' is trully beautiful, has a gorgeous body

  Very best wishes Gerardo,

  Nvr
• 

  ex-nj-jw

  ((((((((((((((((((((((Rowan))))))))))))))))))))))

  It will take time, but with you by her side, I'm sure she will be fine!!!

  Keep your chin up

  nj
• 

  LovesDubs

  I have never been but if you find a good therapist who is familiar with the cult mindset to work her OUT of the old mindset and INTO a new one where her life is her own now...it might help.

  Its wonderful that she has such an understanding hubby!!

  hugs to you both
• 

  tall penguin

  "Some years ago, she was betrayed by a close friend, subjected to a JC and was disfellowshiped & shunned. The proceeding was completely void of mercy and love, it was much like a violation, a rape."
  
  Oh, dear Rowan. I have been there. And yes, it is like a rape. I went through a jc 8 years ago this month. It was 6 hours of invasive interrogation. I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress as a result and still have flashbacks. I have only now begun to really feel what I went through and it hurts like hell.
  
  My therapist described it as "mental rape" but in the body, it feels very similar to the physical act of rape. You were invaded. You were violated by people you trusted and who were supposed to help you. And to have your father, a man you loved and respected, side with these violators, is almost too much to bear isn't it? In my case, it was my mother who defended the elders and told me to "trust in Jehovah" to take care of matters. A complete mindfuck to say the least.
  
  I won't offer you any cliched platitudes. What I can offer you is a hug and my listening ear and the empathy of someone who's been there and, many days, still is. Feel free to pm me anytime or contact me through my site at www.tallpenguin.com.
  
  And thank you Gerard for being such a great support to your wife. It will make her journey that much easier.
  
  Love,
  tall penguin
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  DJK

  Counciling or proffesional help is great. Don't go into it with blinders on. Stay open to the possibility there may be other things causing depression as I experienced less than a year ago. For me, things to do with age and the medications I was on were the major players. What has really worked well for me is writing. I have written some stories that have helped me to feel better. I found the old saying, "write, write from the heart and write the truth, the truth will set you free" really works.
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  Hortensia

  there is an excellent book, Adult Children of Alcoholics, by Woititz, which is written for spouses of ACAs, but also applies very well to the situation of a spouse of a former JW. It's just a little book, but hits the nail on the head, especially as regards issues with trust and relationships.
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  minimus

  I'm sorry to hear of this situation as it happens too often to too many "good" people. The truth is your wife needs to recognize that the nature of the religion is to take away the naturalness of family and human feelings -----for Jehovah. When a dad does robotic obedience to mere men -----for Jehovah, you've got to be able to discern that they cannot see what hurt and damage they are really doing.........COUNSELING is the only way to see that she should never feel guilty for her situation. SHE is the victim. I do believe this site does help persons in her situation. Look at some of Lady Lee's topics for help too. I wish you both the best!!!!
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  LongHairGal

  Gerard,

  Please give your wife Rowan a big hug from me.

  Tell her I love her even though I don't know her. She is lucky to have a man as compassionate as you are. She sounds like a smart and brave girl. Give her a lot of love and support.

  Love,

  LHG
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  rowan

  thank you Gerry for posting this, and thank you all friends who are on the other side, underestanding what is going on.

  This morning I was diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder. My confort zone all these years has been to numb my feelings and immerse myself in work. It is awkward and painful to face all these issues, another symptom of PTSD, and ironically a treatment in itself. I always related PTSD with war and plane crashes, I guess, Tall Penguin, that it might not be so rare among ex members of cults.

  Thank you so much for being on the other side. Gerry is a saint to put up with me. He also needs a lot of support right now. Thank you Tall Penguin for your PMs to Gerry, they are full of good insight.

  Rowan