Defense Attorney: Will you please state your age?
Little Old Lady: I am 86 years old.
Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?
Little Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the Porch and sat down beside me.
Defense Attorney: Did you know him?
Little Old Lady: No, but he sure was friendly.
Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down?
Little Old Lady: He started to rub my thigh.
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?
Little Old Lady: No, I didn't stop him.
Defense Attorney: Why not?
Little Old Lady: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Abler died some 30 years ago.
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Little Old Lady: He began to rub my breasts.
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?
Little Old Lady: No, I did not stop him.
Defense Attorney: Why not?
Little Old Lady: His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Little Old Lady: Well, by then, I was feeling really "spicy" that I just laid down and told him "Take me, young man. Take me!"
Defense Attorney: Did he take you?
Little Old Lady: Hell, no! He just yelled, "April Fool!" And that's when I shot him, the little bastard.
Heatmiser
JoinedPosts by Heatmiser
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little old lady
by Heatmiser indefense attorney: will you please state your age?.
little old lady: i am 86 years old.. defense attorney: will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of april 1st?.
little old lady: there i was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.. defense attorney: did you know him?.
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Heatmiser
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60
Why did you choose your avatar?
by FMZ ini have seen many threads about avatars, here is another one:.
i have had this avatar for some time on another board.
i was going to put a picture of myself in there, but decided against it, as i realized this picture has some symbolism to me.
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Heatmiser
It's me baby.
Heatmiser
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Avatars and Perception: A Study On The Effects of Visual Impression
by new light inhow much does a persons avatar affect how you view them?
i mean, don't you picture the avatar when you think of the person, if that's all you have to go by?
i know i do, at least if the avy is a photo of a human.
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Heatmiser
<-------HEHEHEHE
Heatmiser
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"Dogma" by Kevin Smith
by dustyb inwho's seen the movie dogma?
there was a little debacle a few days ago about jehovah is a dickhead and starts shit for nothing and kills his people.
but there's a movie that was written and directed by kevin smith named dogma.
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Heatmiser
I love all of Kevin Smiths movies. BUDDY JESUS is sooooo funny.
Heatmiser
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9
Help with ZELDA for Game Cube
by darkuncle29 ini am playing the zelda game for game cube with my friend's kids and we are stuck.
we are on the island of the bird/postal people, we are trying to figure out where the master dungeon key is.
i am going to go back to the room with the jars of water and bust all the jars just to make shure it is not hiding there.
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Heatmiser
GAMEFAQ.COM is a good place for all sorts of game FAQ's, cheats and codes. I beat this game not long after it was released so I don't remember exactly where the key is.
Heatmiser
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5
Puns upon Puns - (WARNING! Some real groaners here!)
by PopeOfEruke inpuns upon puns .
those who jump off a bridge in paris are in seine.. a backward poet writes inverse.. a man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.. dijon vu - the same mustard as before.. practice safe eating - always use condiments.. shotgun wedding: a case of wife or death.. a man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.. a hangover is the wrath of grapes.. dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.. does the name pavlov ring a bell?.
condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.. reading while sunbathing makes you well red.. when two egotists meet, it's an i for an i.. a bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.. what's the definition of a will?
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Heatmiser
Man who fart in church, sit in own pew.
Man who run in front of car get tired.
man who run behind car get exhausted.
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any published writer out there?
by rekless in.
i am writing a book called yesterday's dreams, about my thirty five years of life in the borg as well as how i lost one child and my wife due to policies brought forth by the fds and my ignorance.i need a literary agent or publisher.. i have not any idea how to publish or market it.. any help will be appreciated.. thanks
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Heatmiser
This gentleman is a poster here. I don't remember his screen name though.
http://www.rationallunacy.com/write/scifi.html
Heatmiser
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* raises BB gun ........let's go huntin'"
by Valis inlyineyes posted that in another thread and got me thinking.
i always wanted one, but there would be none of that you know...elders didn;t mind having shotguns to go hunting birds with, but no bb gun for you young man!.
sincerely,.
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Heatmiser
Here is my gun. It is a 25mm MK 38
Not me in this picture though.
Heatmiser
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If you have one, what kind of cell phone do you have?
by dustyb ini have a siemens c56.
its a small little bastard.
i like to call it my little semen =d
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Heatmiser
Mitsubishi Trium T300......It's old and ugly, but built well (from what I can find online I don't think it is sold in US anymore). It is a couple of years old now. I use Suncom/AT&T. Have traveled in USA with it and always have service. I still use TDMA.
Alot of US companies built thier networks on TDMA and are now switching to GSM. If you are with one of these compainies you will get better coverage with TDMA but you don't get all the bells and whistles you have on GSM networks.
Heatmiser
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There's *something* about Miriam
by Simon inhas anyone watched this?.
it has to be the cruelest show: 7 guys compete for one babe's affections but none of them know that "she" is really a "he" !
it's actually quite scary to watch 'cause she is quite attractive - i got caught out with that at the eurovision song contest (dana international) .
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Heatmiser
I would love to watch the faces of the guys once they know the truth.
I hate to admit it, but he/she looks pretty hot. lol
In the late 80's I worked in a shop that had a Gynocologist next door. All these fine women where in and out all day. Then one day we found out that the Doctor specialized in pre-op for transexuals (hope that is the right term). All those fine "women" where still "men" in one spot. Of course being the pigs that men are we used to talk trash about what we would do if we had such a fine woman. That all stopped after we found out the truth of the situation.
Heatmiser