Between leaving behind a man-made organization and growing up into an adult on my own terms... I believe so.
The freedom to be who I am without rationalizing. That's what makes me happy.
The past is history.
alias
Posts by alias
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70In All Honesty, Are You A Happier Person Now Than when You Were A JW?
by minimus injws say, "the apostates are miserable!!
".....do you feel miserable?
(i don't).
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alias
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Mama's Memorial
by Sentinel inmost here remember that my mother died after her heart surgery on june 17th.
she has four grown children, and we are very close now as always and feeling like we are now "orphans", without both our parents in this physical life.
the kh in bradenton gave her a memorial on monday evening, july 5th.
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alias
(((Karen))) You're in my thoughts. alias
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District Convention - AVOID INTERNET DATING SERVICES
by truthseeker in.
well, here?s the latest, some of it you may have already read before.
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alias
I've observed a handful of unions spawned from JW DBs. And quite a few of them that fell apart in time.
It was sad watching how much some regretted rushing into marrying someone thinking love (and having JWism in common) would magically make it all work out. And as unfortunate as it is, once JWs marry, it's *supposed* to be forever, which is why many end up feeling stuck and depressed. (But hopefully, not for long, since the new world is supposed to come at *any moment*!)
At the very least, it's good advice for some and might help prevent the pattern of marrying in haste and repenting in leisure.
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42
Witches
by Sirona ini'm having a really wierd day today.
for some reason i've been sitting at my computer for about an hour with a strange feeling of needing to get something out of my head and onto the page.
normally i can type it out and feel great relief, but today i can't seem to identify what it is.
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alias
Sirona & Gretchen,
I always find it fascinating to read about this path.
I'd love to be an observer (visitor, friendly what-goes-on-here person) at a coven meeting, but think I'd be too afraid. You know... fear of the unknown.
Thank you for the info and insights. For the most part, I don't think anyone is a flake when they are consciously choosing *whatever* they are doing, especially when it acts as a positive in their life.
alias
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67
Crazy JW Superstitions...
by Confucious inhey!
ok, we all know of this uncanny word play about not saying, "you were lucky," and not saying "bless you" after someone sneezes.
but this is a bizarre one i heard.
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alias
Not to pray outloud because Satan will hear you and know your weaknesses.
As if that isn't obvious in your body language and the things you talk about to other people in everyday life.
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Are You a "Mess" Since Leaving The Organization or Are You OK?
by minimus inmost people have left the organization because of emotional issues.
the feeling that there is no real love or fellow feeling seems to get at people.
it gnaws at them.
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alias
I'm okay now. I've come to a place of acceptance over the past. I can't change the fact that I was raised as a JW, or that my life could have been way different otherwise. What I do now is up to me.
However, the first couple of years fading I was a mess. I didn't think I'd live through it. Suicide was an option that I was seriously considering because I couldn't deal with the collapse of *everything* I'd come to identify with being a JW for the first twenty-some years of my life. My social life... my future. Instead of knowing all of the answers, I was deeply confused and afraid.
It's a tough road walking away and reconsidering every thread of your life that was based on that belief system. It's not something you turn off like a switch. Some find ways to avoid dealing with the pain: excessive drinking, drug use, sex....
Some things that helped immensely during those first few years were places like this... listening to the experiences of others. As well, Ros had an e-mail group I joined for a few months that literally kept me hanging on.
I look back at those years with sadness, but see how far I've come. I'm glad I was able to allow time to do its healing work.
alias
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Just by curiosity, I went to the meeting today
by JH insince being inactive for so many years, i occasionally showed up at the hall, just to understand why i wasn't able to go again.
since joining this forum, i went only 2 or 3 times, each time with the same conclusion.
i just can't do it anymore...even before joining this board, i lost the desire to go there.
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alias
JH,
Yup, that pretty much sums up my own 'occasional visit' experiences too.
They love boxing in themselves, portraying the outside world as totally evil and doomed.
It reinforces their worldview... and their hope of future salvation. Focusing on all of the negativity makes them 'moan and groan' over this terrible system of things and eager to support the organization for a future utopia.
All the while their life literally slips away. It will be tragic if the paradise earth never materializes.
alias
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JW view of psychiatrists...
by Fleur inyesterday i was having a debate with my mother (who bucks the jw system by still talking to me even though i'm df'd, my parents are the only relatives who will see me) and she was going on about how the only people she ever knew who committed suicide had lost jehovah's holy spirit.
she said the same thing of people who go on medication, that it's the same as drug use and that its opening the door for demons.. that was when i finally dropped the bomb on her, that i have been on anti-depressants on and off for more than 10 years.
i have stopped taking them cold several times when i needed to (got pregnant, other reasons for another day) so they are not addictive.
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alias
Christian witnesses of Jehovah are the best-oriented, happiest and most contented group of people on the face of the earth.
It's no wonder some JWs are so @!%! up in the head. That is one large assumptional mark to meet. And if you don't, it must be your own fault.
[Active JW]
If they said it, then it must be true.
[/Active JW]Even tho' it's old news, the thought of getting therapy is still not viewed as a good thing to do in the organization, but many sure could benefit from it.
Sigh,
alias
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42
Just randomly underline study WT or book?
by Max Divergent in.
did you ever get into just doing random underlines and notes and all that on your study wt or books just to look like you?d studied it without ever having even looked at it before?
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alias
Rainbow-spectrum-highlighter and margin-scripture-writer checking in. Never randomly, however it was tempting at times. Remember the counsel when people started to print the scriptures off of the CD Rom instead of looking them up?
The fact that many of us were doing this shows that the pressure is there and exists. I dont think it is completely our imaginzation or paranoia.
I agree. I remember how small I felt a few times opening a "naked" study article, imagining the measuring of my spirituality going on behind me.
On the phone recently with my active JW mom she wrapped up our conversation: "Well I have to get to studying my Watchtower." I know that she couldn't fathom *not* having to do that during her week of theocratic activity.
Amazing to realize these things at a distance, eh?
My last few Watchtower studies I started drawing ... bugs walking around the pages.
LOL,
alias
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REPOST: For those without mothers
by Lady Lee inmothers day can bring up many issues for some of us.
for some their mothers have passed away and the opportunity to say i love you in person is forever lost.
for others our mothers are lost to the borg.
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alias
Lady Lee,
Thank you for this.
alias
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Dear Mom,
How are you today? No, I mean, how are you really?
You know, I wish you would help me understand what happened during your childhood that made you build your walls. I only know about small pieces of your life before you married Dad. I know it must be painful for you. I'm so sad that even though you are in your mid-60s, you never seemed to face your pain and work through it.
If that day ever came, I would want to be there to support you.
Mom, know that whatever it was, I still love you. I'm just so sorry that it's affected your adult life in the way it has. It was difficult growing up in an estranged family where hugs and 'I love you's' didn't flourish.
Mom, I know that your current religious beliefs somehow fill a void and bring you comfort. Your running away from your past in hopes of some future utopia is well understood. I know it is what you need to survive.
Mom, I still wish I could call you up and really talk to you. No, not just about surface things like how my sister is doing, or did I get the calendar you just sent me in the mail. But tell you how I've grown into an adult myself. How I see life now. How my life has changed since I stopped attending the KH and let my life flourish in a way that feels right to me.
Mom, after I worked through my anger towards you several years ago, I suddenly felt deep compassion for you. My heart opened up and realized how much of you I have inside me. My love of nature and animals, my creativity. And my biological defects. Most likely the same ones you had but didn't know how to deal with. Our generation has learned how to better manage the imbalances.
Mom, I'm sorry you and dad choose not to be active in the lives of your children in your retirement years. Your current priorities and beliefs occupy all of your time and energy. You will live your golden years in the way you believe is the best for you. I honor that.
When Mother's day comes around every year, my heart feels a void for the mother I never had. I've learned to fill that void with love and compassion. Who knows, maybe someday or some other time we'll connect on that level that we were meant to. Maybe that time will come through my own offspring.
I love you Mom.
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