Posts by anewlife

12

I visited my elderly JW parents today

by BrendaCloutier in

i had business in that end of town, and just stopped by.

i had been wanting to do so for quite a while.

my parents will be 87 each next month.

anewlife

I'm so happy for you!

My parents have just reached their 60s. I've been out 5 years and do not plan on ever going back.

A few months ago my mom (who hasn't talked to me in a couple of years) called to tell me my aunt had passed away and invited me to the KH for the service. I was somewhat abrupt and short with her, asking her, "Why would I want to go to a place where I'm only to be ignored and not able to talk with anyone?" She replied she wanted to keep me "abreast of what was happening with the family." I told her I didn't need to know if they weren't going to have me apart of their lives on a day to day basis. I asked her what would happen if she ever got sick. She said she'd call and let me know. I replied to her, "Mom, wouldn't you rather see me when you're healthy and be able to talk to me, rather than at a time when you were sick and frail?" She said, "Well, yeah!" So I left it at that. That was in May. She has not called once since.

Your story gives me hope....Maybe 20 years or so is all they need.

101

Hard to get over: No New System

by confusedjw in

i have to tell you something.. i really find it hard getting over the idea of no new system and all that it meant to me.

to be with my children and their children forever in perfect health.. too many days it just leaves me empty.

i just wish i could shake it and enjoy life, but the idea that we just live for 70 years and die kills me.

anewlife

I love what Jez said. I'd never thought about how the beauty of watching children grow up would lose it's intrigue and charm. Eventually when the Earth "became full" as was also taught, children were never going to be born. What a tremendous loss so many would have in not having children nor seeing them grow up.

Life is a process. You'd eventually come to the end of that process in, say, a thousand years....then what?

My only frustration with not leaving until in my 30s was the loss of years living with JW thinking so I reasoned, "In the new system, I'm going to do gymnastics and not be afraid of getting hurt; I'm going to learn to play the piano (because I'll have more time and I'll have the sharpness of a young mind forever); I'm going to ski and mountain climb and so on. Now time has passed and it's no longer reasonable for a woman in her 40s to take up gymnastics or mountain climb. Had I not ever "bought into" the live forever thing, I would have LIVED my life. I would have gone to college and had a better career and so forth.

Living for 70, 80 even 90 years seems very reasonable to me. When it's my time to die, it's someone else's time to live. Everyone should have their turn to make an impression on this world and experience life; not just a select few, say, 6,000,000 give or take.

28

The desire to return just for family's sake

by Ephanyminitas in

jw
friends

those of you who have close witness family members -- how hard has it been not to just throw up your hands and just return to the society, just for appearance's sake?

my parents, whom i love very much, are witnesses, and it's very difficult for me to go day to day knowing that i'm completely letting them down.

i no longer believe anything the society says, but oh how tempting it would be to just go back and fake my way through, knowing that i could give my parents peace.

anewlife

I, too, have thought of "returning" simply for contact with my family. It was very hard as I know I was not happy being a JW. Then some things have happened since I left ( 2 years ago) with the Society and my family and this has only validated how completely unloving and wrong this organization is. I have a younger sister whom I miss the most. However, I have recently gone into some counseling to help deal with all this crap this organization has put upon so many people. My family has not reached out to me either. I also felt that if they really loved me, they'd at least try to get me to come back to the organization. Nope, they haven't done that. My dad did invite me to the Memorial this year however (but I honestly think he was just trying to "get his time in") it didn't really seem that I was the important factor in his invitation. I have in the past month reached a "healing" in that my counselor said to me, "You keep repeating the same thing, but expecting different results. These people are only doing what they have been taught (brainwashed) to believe is correct. Their choices is based on their religious beliefs, not necessarily their personal beliefs. They're just not strong enough to break away from it as you are." This has really helped. Each day I emotionally detach a little bit more and it's getting easier all the time. My sister is expecting a baby in a few weeks and I'm simply OK just hearing about how she's feeling. I do not wish to go see the baby as I can have no future with him/her and I've accepted this....perhaps someday they'll too see the real light. Until then I focus my time and energy on those that truly love me no matter what I believe. I have also contacted a cousin who was DF'd 5 years ago and we have reconnected in a wonderful way (something that never would have happened had I not been DF'd as well).

I feel for your dilema, as it is one we have all faced one time in our lives. Time seems to be the ultimate key factor. My heart goes out to you and remember you can share your pain here and receive lots of support and hugs!

MegaDude: I read your post from April 2002....it was soooo good. I could completely relate to how you handled your situation. This is the way I choose to handle my relationship with my sister as well. I can see a similar situation happening to me running into her somewhere and the "catch up/awkward" situation of it all, but I know I'll be just fine when I walk away and the hurt will not be there as it was before. Thanks for sharing your story.

anewlife

61

Which did you prefer? Watchtower or Awake?

by LDH in

jw
friends

when i was a jw, i really couldn't stomach the watchtowers.

the only articles i would read would be for the family study/watchtower study.

it seemed so archaic and old-people-ish.. i did read the awake from cover to cover almost every time.

anewlife

I LOVE SOME OF THE RESPONSES!!!

Mega Dude: I can just picture your cat! LMAO

I, too, was glad to hear I was not the only one who read the Awake and skipped the last paragraph or two because of all of the blah, blah, blah....Jehovah did this and Jehovah that....PLEEEEEEEASE!

I also "skimmed" the WT to find "new light" too. How disappointing it always was! Questions from the readers was always my favorite too and what I would read first. It used to always annoy me though when they would "indirectly" call the writer of the question "stupid," like if they were REALLY a spiritual person they wouldn't have had to write the "ALL POWERFUL" GB and waste their time! They should have known the answer! Geez!

42

How Much is Shunning Worth?

by Xena in

jw
friends

my jw niece called me last night on the phone.

she is having a pampered chef party (for those of you who don't know what these are, it's like a tupperware party except they cook a meal and sell the cooking stuff).

it is going to be at my jw sister's house and all the dubs will be there....including my "best" friend who ratted me out to my sister regarding us celebrating christmas last year.. i am not invited....but my niece would like me to buy some stuff and to make up for shunning me she is offering to give me her hostess discount....woohoo huh?.

anewlife

Scully: I like your idea....but must say, it was the pizza stone ($35 + tax) that I bought that simply cracked down the middle one day. No reason...as I took care of it according to directions, but should you organize one....send me an email....there's other things I like! LOL

31

DID YOU ENJOY SHERHERDING CALLS?

by minimus in

jw
friends

elders are supposed to be loving, caring shepherds.

when a problem arises, elders are supposed to be there.

visiting in homes was something the organization always stressed.

anewlife

I remember one specific shepherding call that made a lasting impression. The week before the "visit" it was announced which bookstudy group would be receiving their visit. We happened to miss that meeting. On Sunday we were there and NO announcement was made. The visit was to be the upcoming Tuesday evening. No call was made, no attempt whatsoever. That following Saturday, mind you 5 days later, this elder calls and starts the conversation off with, "Did you know we were supposed to have a shepherding call with your family this past Tuesday?" I said, "No, I wasn't aware." He then said, "Well it was announced last week at the Service Meeting and then again on Sunday." I then replied, "Well, my son was sick last week so we didn't make it, but we were there on Sunday and NO ANNOUNCEMENT was made!" He then retracted and said, "Well, it must have just been made at the Service Meeting." (A nice attempt at trying to emphasize the point that our meeting attendance was less than desirable!) He then goes on to say that he will be coming on the upcoming Tuesday and would be coming directly after work. (Apparently he was going to do this shepherding call merely as a "duty" and would be coming alone.) He then asked if he had to wear a tie. I said, "No, it did not matter to me." When Tuesday arrived we were all "prepared" for this "spiritually upbuilding" call and I even made the extra effort to "feed" the brother with one of his favorite little snacks. He came in (tieless, of course) and was hospitable as I offered him some brownies and something to drink. Well, after he eats MY food, he then goes into his "upbuilding" talk to me and my husband and our young sons with this opening statement, "Frankly....I'm disappointed in the two of you!" Disappointed, disappointed.....that was all I heard. All I could think of after that was, "This is supposed to encourage us? This is supposed to make us feel remorseful for not being regular at Jehovah's house?" I never heard anything else he said. When he left I was nothing but furious! It left an awful, bitter taste in my mouth.

Needless to say, after venting to my husband for a couple of hours afterwards, we then let the rest of the elder body know what was said and how it was handled. Sad to say, however, they politely agreed with us as this is not the best way to "shepherd" a family, but as this elder was merely a "member of the boys club" he continued to make his rounds of shepherding calls and still does today. Those poor families! My only hope is that he will discourage them as well and they finally see the light one day and get themselves the hell out of that organization/cult!

Cheryl

42

How Much is Shunning Worth?

by Xena in

jw
friends

my jw niece called me last night on the phone.

she is having a pampered chef party (for those of you who don't know what these are, it's like a tupperware party except they cook a meal and sell the cooking stuff).

it is going to be at my jw sister's house and all the dubs will be there....including my "best" friend who ratted me out to my sister regarding us celebrating christmas last year.. i am not invited....but my niece would like me to buy some stuff and to make up for shunning me she is offering to give me her hostess discount....woohoo huh?.

anewlife

Xena: Didn't see your post until after I posted mine....that is a HUGE issue with me too....the BS they spew about "the love they have among themselves!"

Also the money thing....that is so true! My younger sister wouldn't speak a word to me until it was time for my parents 40th wedding anniversary. Then everyone was putting in to buy my parents a new bedroom set....so, my "money is good" so my sister braves "reproach from Jehovah" and calls me to ask if I would contribute. At first I was shocked by her call so I merely said, "I'll let you know." Then after I thought about it, I said, "Hell no" and bought my parents something totally on my own. (Wished I hadn't even done that now though as everyone else got a nice personalized thank-you card....I got nothing! Hypocrites!)

cheryl

42

How Much is Shunning Worth?

by Xena in

jw
friends

my jw niece called me last night on the phone.

she is having a pampered chef party (for those of you who don't know what these are, it's like a tupperware party except they cook a meal and sell the cooking stuff).

it is going to be at my jw sister's house and all the dubs will be there....including my "best" friend who ratted me out to my sister regarding us celebrating christmas last year.. i am not invited....but my niece would like me to buy some stuff and to make up for shunning me she is offering to give me her hostess discount....woohoo huh?.

anewlife

Xena: Do you really feel this is a satisfactory way to "justify" shunning? These people are absolutely pathetic as someone else said....and materialistic as Farkel said.

I experienced the same thing...Pampered Chef too. A young sister (20) who I had always gotten along with ran into my son and got my phone number from him. She called and I was very happy to hear from her, knowing I was DF'd and she called anyway. She told me she was selling Pampered Chef and if I bought something that would give her an "excuse" to come over and see me when she had to deliver it. I was game...sounded like a nice way to get back in touch. The order (a nice size btw) came in. I received a message on my home answering machine from the girl's mother that my order was in. I called back only to get her machine. Anyway to make a long story short the girl NEVER contacted me again....her mother put my order out on her front porch so I could "pick it up" as "they weren't going to be home!" Needless to say, I felt used and was pissed. (Then to top it off, the damn thing broke after only using it about 6-7 times!) The good thing....I learn my lessons quickly and never again have I "fallen" for such crap!

In my opinion, no discount is worth it! The discount is only a way for her to feel better about herself...not you. You will then become a victim again of the WTBTS if you accept....that's just how I feel!

anewlife/Cheryl

24

Can someone explain this to me?

by Tinkerbell4125 in

jw
friends

sister got married back in the summer.

she had a small wedding and they only invited their families.

this is what i don't understand.

anewlife

Tinkerbell: I feel for you and understand you completely!!

I have a very similar situation. My aunt "walked away" years ago, met a man, moved him in with her, (she finally married him a few years ago), now celebrates all the holidays in a big way and YET when the family gets together, she is always invited and treated just the same. Then there's my sister....a MAJOR fence rider! (Don't get me wrong, I love her to pieces, I just have no patience for hypocrisy.) She RARELY attends meetings, dates worldly men, even steals from Wal-Mart, swears, celebrated Christmas with me last year and birthdays and yet because she is a fence rider and "kisses the asses" of those who bend over, nothing is said or done and she continues to be accepted by the family as part of the family. I myself am DF'd and am shunned to the ultimate extreme! What really infuriates me to know end sometimes is KNOWING all this stuff my sister does and I don't even come close to doing anything of the sort! Yet I say nothing to no one because I love my sister and really don't want her to feel the "shunning" that I do because it's HORRIBLE!

What an absolutely screwed up organization!....and ever so glad to be completely OUT!!!!!

anewlife/Cheryl

39

I'm just curious.........

by WildHorses in

jw
friends

i want to get an idea of how many people have left the org in the past five years.

which of the following years did you leave?.

1998 i left.

anewlife

This is most interesting...

May 8, 2000 DF'd, but was there for the announcement and every meeting for 6 weeks after and then finally said, "Enough is enough....I'm outta here!"