I'm with everyone that says go hire a lawyer. In my experience, the judges assuming everyone is lying or has an agenda and it can easily become your word vs hers. Also if you get emotional, and it may well be tough not to since this issue is horrific, that will work against you in a significant way. It's almost as if you can't win. If you stay calm, well then you must not be telling the truth since you aren't upset, but if you get upset, the judge gets mad and may well toss you and throw it all to the other side. I've seen it happen.
I once got mad at my attorney and was screaming at the lawyer (what do I pay you for) in the hallway, not in the courtroom. The next thing I knew, there were three officers pointing guns at me saying "we were told someone was threatening a judge" and they threatened me with a 3 day stay in the mental ward. I hadn't even threatend the lawyer! I was just upset, and yes, I had been burned in court that day.
Query the lawyer carefully. Be sure you don't have one that favor's "mother's rights." Had I known my lawyer that day had 8 kids from 7 ex-wives he'd screwed out of child support I would have known he was the wrong lawyer for me.
I am not an attorney, however I am a single parent who has dealt far more with the CA family courts than I ever would have chosen to. I am under the impression that once the kids hit 14 they can usually choose which parent to live with. While there's no guarantee the courts will back them (and the one thing I've learned from the system is that even when they usually follow a certain path, there's never any certainty that they will do it that way for you), the mediator generally puts huge weight on what the the kids say. The psychologist's findings and recommendations also have a huge impact.
Since two of your daughters are past that age, it may be far easier than you expect to gain custody of them. I'm not sure if the kids can refuse visitation with their mother. I've not known anyone who has had that experience. My ex-husband (a veteran of 4 divorces and kids with 3 different women) knows of an amazing lawyer in San Francisco if you need one, however I hear he is very expensive; don't know if he'll do pro-bono.
Keep the faith (yours and your belief in your kids). Best of luck
i've enrolled in a religious studies class this term focusing on christianity and the more i read, the more i'm getting the impression that the wtb&ts actually has more in common with the jews than mainstream christianity as i've illustrated below:.
main stream christianity jews jehovah's witnesses.
trinity - 3 god's in one one god: yahweh one god: jehovah (english version of yahweh).
Ah...I offer what I expect is an unexpected point of view. Understand I come to these boards to understand my partner better, but I am a Jew. I'd say what I know of is still more Christian than not. First of all, the Jews don't view Jesus as the messiah or anything other than possibly a prophet. He didn't fulfill the messianic prophecies.
But as a religion (though some right wing sects may differ a bit), we do not believe in Hell, and the biggest difference as I have explained to my children is that we were taught a love and respect of G-D, not a fear. We are not born into sin and do not need salvation. We can be forgiven at any time just by asking. We get all our repentence needs out once a year (Yom Kippur). We are not discouraged from having outside friendships, though marriage to outsiders is discouraged. To the best of my knowledge, only the extremely orthodox shun their young for marrying a non-jew.
Family comes first, not the church.
However I recently discovered one alarming similarity. In a discussion with my partner about Jericho and the biblical passages around that time, I realized that despite an extensive Jewish education (all the way through 12th grade), I knew almost nothing about those battles and massacres. They are not discussed in Sabbath or festival passages. So I went to Jewish.com and the Ask a Rabbi feature and asked, why these old testament books were not taught.
His answer was very disappointing. He said that they want to make Jewish youth excited and proud to be Jewish so they don't teach any of the bad things that were done by Jews in the history.
I found that just as appalling as you guys have found the untruths and misrepresentations in your religion to be.
I no longer have any faith in organized religion, despite a faith in G-d.
yes my life is just one big crazy circus,,,, i go to the apostofest and have a great time.....meeting great people,,, and then i come home to recoupe... well i am in my new house ,, trying to put things away ,,, when i hear a pounding on the back door.... i am alittle startled thinking it was my daughter,,,no think again,, its the austin swat team with all there gear and weapons drawn... (i abouttttttttttt shit my pants....) they had to tear down a portion of my security fence to get in....( i shudder to think if i wasnt home,,, would they have just broke down my door.... me thinks so.....) so i go what is this about...they tell me there is a guy across the street with a rifle shooting .... and making threats... they proceed to all gather at the only window i have downstairs ,,,,and keep telling me to get down.... incase the bullets start flying.....am i dreaming...is this really happening to me.... i just wanted to start my life over... and now it could be ending//////i keep running upstairs to change my clothes...and then they invade my bedroom as it has the perfect spot to watch him,,, as they move around my not moved in stuff to another corner////one guy was sooo sweet and done was a complete moron ordering me around ...in my house./....yikes.....so finally one guy say s get her out of here and i hear 6 shots.....this time i did shit my pants but thank god i was kneeling in the bathroom.... i must have been a bad girl at the apostofest... i am being punished for all my sins .. oh this will take awhile so macho swat team guy says take her out of here of course i gladly leave while i am being escorted by a nice copper.... now remember my 2 vehicles are right outside and the chance they will get shot up are good ...!!!
!so i am alittle concerned my house has become commando central...with austins finest... and i am escorted around the street to a van/////i left ndak for this... why not ... they dont callme wild fire for nothing.... well minutes pass and i meet my neighbors ,, welcome wagon texas style....yikes,,,,,so finally the all clear is given i walk up to some smart asses and say what if my vehilcles are all shot up they say well you need to talke to so and so...i go great while my life passssses before my eyes... i go back to my house ... afraid of i may find inside ... but alas.,,, only the wooden shades to the window are damaged scuff marks on the floor and my bedroom looks well messy like it did before.....all this time i am taking pictures of everything ... all for proof and to think i didnt even hand in the move --in sheet yet... what a hoot.... they hauled him away safely.. but the yellow tape comes up so i cant go anywhere and i am invaded by detectives.. police... they take pics and ask ????...
i dont know much i just moved in...soooooooooooooo what can i say...adventure or trouble follows me around for sure.....he was shooting mostly at the trash can and he did shoot close to my vehicle but missed it//// oh well... dontcha know ,,, life is one big circus.. parade...you name it, i am usually in the middle of it..... i miss you guys already... gumby,, shotgun, valis.... cg...theresa....wild turkey and dede...npy... winston.. xena....joanne... my northern partner in crime/////i am just glad its all over or is it????
Geez! I know when that was! My son pointed out the SWAT team as I took them to the airport yesterday afternoon! And to think, I thought he was kidding. Didn't know Austin had a SWAT team, I mean it is so boringly good here, ya can get arrested for smoking a doob and not bothering anyone....:(
Glad you are okay! Also glad you are in another part of the town. :)
I'm in the financial trade and professionals view Primerica and WMA (a similar program) with some pretty strong disgust. Yes, they are MLM's and they do sign up people with grand promises that rarely are fulfilled. They also sell inferior products that cost more than competitors, and the reps make a far lower cut than if they worked for a legitimate financial services organization. Their sales practices are questionable as well. Imagine dealing with something as important as your client's financial security and working off canned, one size fit all presentations. The reps get no real knowledge, just a "memorize this pitch." Also you pay for all your licenses and training with this organization. By contrast if you go to Merrill Lynch or an insurance company, they pay for all your training and licensing and usually have a salary to bridge the career transition for the first year or two.
And any organization whether its Amway, or Quixtar (also amway), etc. where you only make real money recruiting is bad news.
I used to sell Tupperware and found the chanting and ranting in the meetings to look eerily like a revival, and yes, there is only one right way to think! At least Tupperware people make money..my guess is more than Primerica reps do.
First of all, if you are having problems in your marriage, in all fairness to everyone, including YOU, you need to resolve them one way or the other BEFORE you entertain getting started with someone new. If you are going to begin to see someone else, or even just play the field, you should be a free agent. Free legally, and emotionally.
Secondly if you somehow think the single world guarantees better companionship you may be dissapointed. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't. Also a woman that is drawn to a married man and that would even consider an affair is trouble. She's got issues you have yet to see. Stay away.
Women are just a lot more open-minded, and less visual, then most men are when it comes to choosing companions. We will choose from a broader pool of candidates. Also some girls think older men are smarter. Girls - that's not necessarily true! LOL
Yes, our bodies all age but with that usually comes a mellower personality, a better set of values, better sex and a comfort level few men find with younger women. Of course this is a generalization, there will always be exceptions.
Sometimes a couple will just drift apart. We all change as we grow older and those changes may or may not be compatible with staying together. However, all relationships take work and perhaps this is just a lull you two can work through. Before you ditch the bird in the hand, perhaps you should consider some couples counseling so that you can both evaluate whether or not a future together is in the cards. Even if the decision is to end it, if you can reach that together, you may be able to part amicably. Start cheating, and that isn't going to happen. Prepare for hell.
okay... this is _sorta_ a 'reunion' - so i posted it here.. i will be flying out to san jose tomorrow (april 27th), and then driving back to texas via ih-10.
(i think we are going to start off by coming through part of los angeles.).
this will take me through all sorts of interesting places that i have never been... (i've been to san jose, ca - but not out ih-10).. anyway... i think that it would be really really really cool if i could meet (even if just over the phone) some of you folks - who might be in this 'path'.. so... if you feel 'brave' enuf to want to meet up with a nerd - and trust that i am not psychotic... neurotic, or any of those other 'otics', then perhaps... if you could pm me... i can give you my e-mail addy, and we could then exchange a phone number or something.. i leave tomorrow... i know this is pretty sudden-like... so... you will need to make a 'coin-toss' decision - and pm me tonight... or no later than tomorrow am.. i hope that i can at least talk to... or meet... one person from this forum in the next few days.
I did this drive when I moved to Texas 2 1/2 years ago. Of course I'm a bit south of y'all in Austin. I considered taking 40 through OK and visiting cousins in OKC.
We detoured through Vegas, then went over Hoover dam to Phoenix (to visit friends) then downward and across on the 10 until Hill Country where I veered off onto 290 and bypassed San Antonio. I got my first viewing of Bordor Patrol on duty on this route.
You might want to look at an Atlas and detour your trip to visit more folks? Surely there are no ex-dubs in Van Horn???
I think that a lot of factors enter into whether a relationship works or not, but other people's opinions shouldn't. Certainly darn near everyone has an idea of how to pick the perfect partner, and yet with a higher than 50% divorce rate, and even more that stay married and are miserable, that we have yet to find a formula that works. Even when you start out blissful, people change over a lifetime and compatibility may not remain. I'm not trying to be negative, what I am saying is that if you are both happy with the situation, than you should enjoy each other for as long as that lasts. If that is a lifetime, by all means... But walking away from someone you do enjoy just because others may not approve, that would be very sad indeed. ps..they have drugs now for ED..could be how Tony Curtis fathered at 70. I will say though that women tend to want far more sex at 40 than most men 40 or older, but I think any couple that has a will, can find a way.
You never did say whether or not she was like this before the miscarriage. It is highly possible (provided that it wasn't like this beforehand) that she really resents your sense of relief at the miscarriage. Planned or not, once pregnant, most women get very excited about the new baby and very protective. Even though they say most miscarriages are for the best (not a perfect baby) it is still a real loss of a child. You may be able to talk through this without a counselor, but my guess is a pro would be a huge help.
If she's was like that beforehand, well then you have to weigh whether or not a completely self-absorbed person is someone you want to stay with. I do suggest you be very diligent with birth control until such time as your marriage is on very secure ground. A baby almost never makes a marriage better if it is falling apart anyway, and it is unfair to intentionally bring a child into an unstable one.
I'm with the others, if chores were just the issue, it really helps to go ahead and make a list and assign things. It feels tedious but it stops a lot of arguing. Also a biggy I discovered when I used to teach new parenting classes, women presume men just "know" what we want and expect. Men, on the other hand, don't usually respond well to subtlty and hints. They need direct information. Perhaps she needs to clearly define what she wants and expects IN ADVANCE rather than just chewing you out for not mysteriously figuring it all out.
In any case, being negative after the fact almost never resolves a situation. Defining your expectations from each other and establishing reasonable boundaries may help you work it out. Certainly talking about it will tell you a lot about whether or not you are likely to be happy together.
It takes two to make a marriage work but only one to kill it. Fixing this will take both of you and most likely a counselor.
