Posts by confuzzlediam

44

How do you manage to keep JW friendships after you left the organization?

by Bonsai in

jw
friends

it seems incredibly difficult.

those who leave the org.

(or fade) no longer have anything in common with jehovah's witnesses, nor do they want to stick around to get radiated by the fear and guilt that saturates every aspect of a witnesses' life.. i've lost all but one of my jw friends quite simply because i can no longer condone the evil things that they condone.

confuzzlediam

I was disfellowshipped 5 1/2 years ago. All but one of my JW "friends" stopped talking to me. The one who would still talk to me and get together with me was a family member on my soon to be x husband's side. Even then, we don't talk very often. She and her daughter are on my facebook, but I privately message them if I have something to say about their post, because I don't want them to get into trouble from family and from the org for still having anything to do with me. I know that my friendship with her will never be what it was, but I can live with that. We don't talk about religion, with the exception of when I tell her she just needs to come over to the dark side with me and get disfellowshipped!! LOL I know that she has a LOT of issues with how those in the congregation act, she sees the hypocrisy, but she still believes in the core beliefs and is unwilling to look into the false teachings that she holds as truth.

It makes me very sad for her because she has no friends in the "truth". Her only friends were myself and my x-SIL and we are both disfellowshipped. When her youngest daughter (who is active and married another JW) got married a few months ago, very few attended the bridal shower or her wedding and it broke her heart. If my x-SIL and myself were still in, we would have done all of the planning and helped with both the shower and the wedding.

I don't know what to tell you to do to keep your last JW friendship. Maybe hanging by a thread, as I am with my friend, is the only way you will be able to keep them. I'm ok with it...for the most part. I would be heartbroken if what we have left would come to an end. SO I take what I can get from her and hope that one day she will see the org for what it is and leave. Until then...it is what it is and I'm ok with it.

39

Jehovah's Witness woman refuses blood, then dies.

by Lee Elder in

another jehovah's witness woman has died while giving birth due to massive blood loss and refusing a blood transfusion.

she leaves nine children behind.

she finally consented to the transfusion but it was too late to save her.

confuzzlediam

This is so heartbreaking to me. But sadly, I would have done the same while I was in the org as I thought it was disgusting to take another human's blood into my body (after years of being told about all of the disease that could be in tainted blood). About a year or so before I was disfellowshipped, there was a young brother in the cong. (about 22) that lost his life due to a bleeding ulcer. I remember going into the room and seeing his pale, wax like skin that had lost all blood flow to it, shortly before he died. Walking out of the hospital with his mother was something that I'll never forget. How she had the strength to walk out of that hospital without her son, all because they refused a blood transfusion, i don't know. After his death, she had a hard time even driving past the hospital where he died.

I think about it now and the hospital did EVERYTHING they could, besides force a blood transfusion, to save his life. The nurses were devastated when his mom just sat there and watched the blood flow out of his body into a bag on the side of the bed. I would NEVER sit back and watch my child die if there was something as simple as a blood transfusion that could save their lives. SO happy they disfellowshipped me and I was able to see the light finally!!

18

Undue influence - other areas in life

by DavidG in

jw
friends

after gradually waking up to ttatt im finding myself with this question:.

since it is so easy to be indoctrinated with jw beliefs, are there other areas in my life where i'm also under influance of other false beliefs?

from the culture i've grown up with, school etc?.

confuzzlediam

Phizzy and StrongHaiku I just completed a Critical Reasoning class at my community college. I had NO idea what I was getting myself into when I signed up for the class. All I can say is I wish EVERYONE could take this class. My teacher told us that it would be one of the most difficult/challenging classes we would take and she was NOT lying!! But she also told us that by the end of the course, we would NEVER think the same again and she was correct!! I busted my ass in that class and achieved an A, which not many in the class were able to achieve.

I have a hard time explaining what it has taught me, other than I am now open to fallacies, bad arguments and can actually decipher bullsh*t now! lol In the beginning of the class she had us read the Allegory of the Cave and my upbringing as a witness all came to light after reading it. It was like this HUGE aha moment for me and I realized that I lived 39 years of my life in that cave, in the darkness. We are taught that the WT has the light and those outside of it live in darkness. WELL after reading it, I realized that I had been living in the dark, only seeing the shadows for what I was told they were. It was not until I was df'd did I begin to see the light!!

I have to say that while I can be fairly gullible, believing much of what I hear or see to be true, I have also begun really questioning everything and thinking for myself. I too wondered because I fell for so long of what the WT had to say, did I do that with other things in my life. I have to say that yes, I believe I did. Doesn't everyone to a certain extent? Believe till proven otherwise?

Going to watch the TED talk!! Thanks for the link!

11

I may have a friend

by Defianttruth in

jw
friends

okay, i am almost forty and outside of my wife i haven't had a friend in decades.

sure i have tons of people with whom i am friendly towards, but they all share something to do with work or business.

i remember thinking last year i had no one who called just to talk.

confuzzlediam

This is awesome!! Everyone needs someone whom they can share things in common with. SO glad you found someone who shares a common interest with and can talk to!!

12

How many of us stayed in the organization longer than necessary for these other reasons?

by John Aquila in

confuzzlediam

After I was disfellowshipped, I made 4-5 attempts at getting reinstated over about 4 years. I did this because my now X still believed and wanted me to get reinstated so he would not have to go to family functions or cong. functions by himself. He grew up with a mom who was disfellowshipped and his dad was always alone at functions outside of the meetings. My X was angry with his mom for years because she put his dad through that and in turn he would get mad at me because he was going through the same thing.

I went on anti-depressants and meds for anxiety just to attend meetings. I always made it for about 3-4 months at a time, then would stop going for one reason or another. My last effort was two months before I left him. After I left, he ended up getting involved with a non-witness and is now living the same lifestyle that I am, only not DF'd as of yet. He just stopped going to meetings. I begged him for almost 4 years to stop going and make new friends with me. He wasn't regular anyways. But it took me leaving his ass for him to see things in a different light.

Oh well...

28

The JW Family

by dubstepped in

jw
friends

maybe this is a bit obtuse, but see if you can follow me here and maybe throw in your own views.

as i see it, the organization as a whole is a family, and like most, it is dysfunctional.

you have the parents in those taking the lead (gb, elders, overseers, etc.

confuzzlediam

Dubstepped...I giggled out loud when I read your comment about "residue" sounding dirty!! LOL Guess it kind of does! But maybe in a way we have been "dirtied" by being a witness. A certain amount of grime that doesn't come off no matter how we try to get rid of it. It is SO easy to be filled with hatred when it comes to many of our experiences in the org. I know this first hand. While I haven't completely forgotten how I was treated by the elders when I was wrongfully disfellowshipped, I try really hard to understand that they were only doing what they had been taught to do. Doesn't make them bad people in general, just ones that are caught up in the glory of their positions and feeling like they could read my heart. All in all, it really was a blessing in disguise. If I had not been df'd, I probably would still be a witness, I would not have gone back to school after divorcing my husband and my kids would still be in. So, maybe I should be thanking those elders for setting me and my family free from the cult that has such a strong hold on its followers. It's ok...I'd rather be stuck outside the cult, than inside!!

28

The JW Family

by dubstepped in

jw
friends

maybe this is a bit obtuse, but see if you can follow me here and maybe throw in your own views.

as i see it, the organization as a whole is a family, and like most, it is dysfunctional.

you have the parents in those taking the lead (gb, elders, overseers, etc.

confuzzlediam

Dubstepped... I do agree with you in your thought process. What I loved most was your analogy of being a Smith. Even though I have been DF'd for over 5 years, and I don't call myself a witness, I don't know if I will ever NOT have some sort of witness in me. I am 44 and was raised JW. I am liberal in my political views, but not sure if I could ever vote. I LOVE Halloween, but not sure if I could ever celebrate it. I celebrate birthdays in my own way, but have never bought a birthday cake. Not that I view any of those things as "wrong" anymore, just don't know how to celebrate the holidays after not doing it for the first 39 years of my life. It is hard for me to believe in the trinity, in heaven, in Jesus being put to death on anything other than a torture stake. But I am open to the possibility of there being something else to believe in. I like the idea of there being a heaven, of my grandparents, uncles, cousins, friends watching over me from above. I have even been to a psychic medium who certainly made me believe that she had connected with my loved ones. Yet, I have a hard time believing it in completely, based on what I had drilled into my head growing up, that it was just the demons pretending to be that person.

One thing that I would add to your analogy of the WT being like helicopter parents, is the thought of being micro-managed. I was micro-managed by my parents, the WTS and by my husband of 25 years. I felt like I could never do anything on my own, that I would fail at anything I tried because of being micro-managed for so many years. I am now with a man who loves me for who I am and doesn't micro-manage me in any way shape or form and is a breath of fresh air.

I am at a point in my life where I am not sure what I believe in, maybe because I don't have anyone in my life telling me what I should believe. I know that I don't want to be part of any organized religion, but not sure if I believe that God really exists. Certainly not that God that I was raised to believe in. The power of prayer seems like a joke to me as no matter how hard a person or a group of people pray for someone, if the person survives, it was because of the power of prayer. If the person does not survive, then it was their time to go, God wanted them in heaven. Have a real issue with that.

Here I am in a place of limbo. Not a witness, but still have witness residue that I am not sure will ever go away. Hence your description of being a Smith. Thank you for sharing your thoughts....

29

"So you are an atheist. So would you kill me if it were to your advantage?"

by OnTheWayOut in

jw
friends

i worked a different shift.

i knew the people i worked with, but not as well as i could have.. anyway, religion comes up.

one guy mentions in front of another that i wrote a book about my religious experience.

confuzzlediam

When I was first df'd, my now x told me he was afraid that I was going to cheat on him (in so many words) now that I had decided I didn't believe in "the truth" anymore. He said that if I didn't believe in God or what the bible has to say, what would hold me back from doing something like that. I gave him an example of an atheist and what holds them back from committing murder, stealing, committing adultery. I said that just because someone does not believe in God or the bible, doesn't mean that they don't have their own set of morals to go on and don't know right from wrong. Besides, there are MANY christians who commit violent crimes in the name of God or the bible. It actually made him think...

71

A big hello and thank you

by iwasblind in

i just wanted to introduce myself and say a big hello to all of my mentally diseased friends.. i say friends because i have been lurking for some time so it feels like home (us lurkers are a bit scared and cautious so it takes a while).

i won't bore you with too many details, but i am a born in, currently serving as the cobe of a congregation.

my wife and i have pioneered for the last 10 years and were shaken awake by that ridiculous 15th july 2013 wt about the generation and 1914.. my wife who is much smarter than me has questioned for years.

confuzzlediam

Welcome to our group!! I really don't have any words of wisdom to share with you, other than to say welcome and SO glad to have you here!! I have been df'd for a little over 5 years and while I was trying to get reinstated, for family reasons, I too was shaken over the new changes. Mine was the WT that mentioned those of the anointed who remained here on earth when armageddon came would be taken up into heaven...aka the rapture. I remember leaving the hall that day with a headache and my mind swimming, but also with a greater understanding that this is NOT "the truth". As soon as I left the hall I called my now x to tell him what I had just heard and that I was reeling from it all. Up to that point I had doubts, but after that point I knew I never wanted to be part of it again.

Again, welcome to the forum!!