It's genetic. There's a little thing on the Y chromosome that means that men don't always get women.
I think it's for survival of the species. Confused men are soooo cute and endearing that we just can't help ourselves.
CeriseRose
JoinedPosts by CeriseRose
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22
That most puzzlin' species called Women, or Ladies if you prefer .....
by Celtic inceltic sighs harumphing as he does so.. if only.. if only more men were like women and some women were like men the world would be almost perfect.
the added schenalligan though still in the recipe afterwards i'm sure would be women, though definitely not men, though in the minority would still cause hell for everyone else.
you can take that as an inverted compliment.
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11
Disfellowshipping versus Disassociation and Shunning
by CeriseRose into start off, i'm not sure if what i have to say is a question or a comment.
i disassociated myself at the end of january.
it was announced 2 weeks ago.
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CeriseRose
And I hit send before I finished. Thank you for your responses and hugs and reminder that things get better. *hugs back*
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11
Disfellowshipping versus Disassociation and Shunning
by CeriseRose into start off, i'm not sure if what i have to say is a question or a comment.
i disassociated myself at the end of january.
it was announced 2 weeks ago.
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CeriseRose
You know if it weren't for my sister, I probably would have just stopped going all together and no one would have looked twice. The vast majority of the cong.didn't support me emotionally or spiritually, and the two or three people who did, were still doing so whether or not I could make meetings.
I guess the reason I DA'd was because for me it was action. I've felt like the passive victim at the mercy of others and situations for so long, this was a stand I could make on my own terms. I was tired of my sister alternating emotional support and blackmail and requiring me to account for myself, as if I owed her that validation. I love my sister, more than anything, but I can't live my life to make hers perfect. I told her as much.
I can totally understand the feeling that one doesn't need to make a stand, because it releases you from the control of the WT boys. For me, I didn't see it that way. But then, I never thought of just fading away...mind you with the boyfriend, I'm sure someone somewhere would have had their panties in a bunch over it and gone the JC route.
I'm just amazed that only 2 months out, things are so clearly wrong in that org. and I couldn't even see it while in. Boggles the mind.
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Whats been your greatest personal Struggle?
by ScoobySnax inwhats been yours?
be honest.. i know mines always been trying to reconcile being gay and being jw.
as i was growing up it was like being in the middle of 2 polar opposites both tugging at me day in day out, sometimes trying to understand one whilst ignoring the other and vice versa.
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CeriseRose
Dealing with my parents' terminal illnesses and deaths. From the agonizing waiting in hospitals, for test results, for medication to kick in, visits that are so bittersweet and poignant, crying, yelling, wailing, praying, losing faith, sitting up for days worrying, sitting up for days in hospitals, pacing, knowing every inch of the hospital as well as the staff, being encouraging to them, forgiving them, unable to forgive myself, not being able to eat, doing everything I could to make their time comfortable, to show them they were loved and honoured, watching seizures, hurrying to call nurses, put oxygen masks on, septic wounds, phoning family to come, waiting for family to come, being alone and awake in a chair all night, the sound of someone drowning in their own fluids, knowing more about cancer than anyone should, wanting my Mommy and Daddy back, and finally, going on without them. Knowing that any children I have will not meet them. Not knowing if I'll ever see them again anywhere, anyhow, at any time. Trying to live my life so I can be proud of myself, my choices and therefore, continue to make them proud of me, if they are seeing me from...wherever.
I have no answers anymore. And I have no comfort. That is what I struggle with..
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What do you do?
by desib77 ini know most jws are encouraged to take worthless jobs and barely scrape by so as to spend more time in the ministry.
i was fortunate to have my dad encourage me to do something more with my life than house cleaning.
i followed in his steps and became a civil draftsman....(draftsperson .
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CeriseRose
When I became a JW, I was 21. I had gained a certificate in computerized accounting (bookkeeping) from a business college (6 month course). That allowed me to get a job with a large telecom company (telco), doing clerical work completely unrelated to bookkeeping...the company merely wanted some sort of certificate/diploma/degree before hiring. I was just considering going back to University to be a teacher when I was witnessed to and became a JW.
My job in the telco went from a basic sales clerk position to a specialized department where we responded to legal documents that requested quotes and information. I took training specific to being able to interpret and respond to these documents, as well as technical writing (transforming technical jargon to plain language for laypersons). I was offered a buyout from my company in lieu of downsizing, and took it. 2 months later (June 2003) I'd completed my Technical and Business Writing certification.
Because of the lump sum payout, I took some time off. Then I took a 6 month contract as a Writer for an international financial audit firm. That ended in Feb, I left JWs in January. Now I'm finishing my first course toward my Bachelor of English and collecting unemployment until another contract comes my way.
I love writing, and I think that being a JW I was stunted in that, which really crippled a part of me. Now that I can write freely, whether it's for work or creatively, I feel like I got myself back. So I'm happy.
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Choose the JW lifestyle or literal death
by franklin J ininteresting premise:.
euphemism had an interesting thread yesterday about monotheism and pluralism .
and it got me to thinkings about our experiences in escaping jws and the watchtower.
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CeriseRose
*growl* okay instead of editing my post, it deleted it. anyway... What I had said was that I, like Sassy, left without understanding of the wrong doctrine and failed prophecy history of the WTBTS. So I left in full knowledge that I would die at Armageddon. I don't have children, so I suspect if others' lives were involved, especially lives in my care, that may have been different. I don't really know, so it's hypothetical at best. When I left I figured that living life on my terms, even if that only meant 5 minutes, was better than living forever on theirs. I still believe that.
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Choose the JW lifestyle or literal death
by franklin J ininteresting premise:.
euphemism had an interesting thread yesterday about monotheism and pluralism .
and it got me to thinkings about our experiences in escaping jws and the watchtower.
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Disfellowshipping versus Disassociation and Shunning
by CeriseRose into start off, i'm not sure if what i have to say is a question or a comment.
i disassociated myself at the end of january.
it was announced 2 weeks ago.
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CeriseRose
To start off, I'm not sure if what I have to say is a question or a comment. I disassociated myself at the end of January. It was announced 2 weeks ago. I am being shunned by my blood sister, her husband, inlaws, and my friends here (a truly pitiful number that I would consider "true" friends). I have a 'worldly' boyfriend, one whom I started seeing last August. By then I was already 'gone' in my heart, I just hadn't made it official. Part of that was from fear of shunning, which I knew would happen, and like most other bad things in life, I was actively ignoring/putting off. The other part was because I hadn't reconciled myself in my heart to having broken my vow to Jehovah to serve him 'wholeheartedly'. When I had and when living the so-called "double life" became too much, as well as a healthy dose of pushing from my sis, I finally made it official. I've felt relieved ever since.
So all that being said, I chose to disassociate myself. During my time as a JW, I always understood DA to be the road taken when someone had done wrong but wanted out before they got caught. I didn't really see a difference between DFd and DAd from a 'sin' point of view (which is, essentially how the WTBTS wants is apparently). Now I do understand a difference, that a person can choose to fade or to DA and have done nothing wrong. Understanding, however doesn't make me feel settled.
How can I be classified as 'bad' or 'wrong', when I didn't do anything 'wrong' that was at the level of serious sin? I dated outside the faith, which, to my knowledge, is not grounds for disfellowshipping. Yet I am shunned the same way an 'unrepentant sinner' is. (And please understand, I'm not speaking out of the words of my own heart, as it were, but from the point of view of the JWs.) I'm having trouble grasping that the same course of treatment is handled for both. What about people who just want to leave the religion 'just because'? There's nothing they've 'done', they just don't want to do it anymore. I mean other religions, you can leave and are not shunned.
I guess maybe this isn't a question, since I already know that answer. That it's their defect, their attitude problem, part of the cult mentality, and control. I guess it is just hitting me that shunning really is a completely unloving and uncaring act. I was reading on a new person's post and the comments came up from someone about how it is Pavlovian response and an act of self-righteousness and superior piety (I may not have the exact words, going by memory, but I hope I have the gist). It makes sense to me. I guess I just feel really unsettled.
And I really miss my sister.
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I am marrying a df JW-
by wtphobic ini will be marrying a df jw in just 2 months.
it is now really bothering him that his parents won't come to the wedding.
omg- not only is he df, but it's being held in a church!!!
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CeriseRose
Welcome to the board and congratulations on your upcoming wedding!
Being fairly new here myself, I can't direct you to any threads. I will say that after reading the posts here you are getting good advice.
The only thing I would add is that your fiance, as has been mentioned previously, is going through a grieving process. Going through my own right now with regard to JWs, as well as having gone through some loss grief in the past few years, I will tell you one valuable thing I learned. It is really really really important to honour his timing and to give him the space to do what he needs to do in the time he needs to do it. You say it's been 6 years, but he's still dealing with some relationship issues...this is quite normal, especially if he was raised as a witness, and has family still 'in'.
I know that your wedding date makes perfect sense to you to be a pivotal "new start"; and in a perfect world it would be. I've learned (the hard way) that grief isn't so neat and tidy. If he's indicating that he will deal with it after the wedding, then it's important to let him do so; otherwise if you push (which it doesn't sound like you're the type to anyway), he may end up blaming you down the line.
I have had many well-meaning people try to push me through the grieving stages...it's natural for people who love someone to want them to get through it and feel better again. Unfortunately, grief is a fairly solo activity. It sounds like he's ready to act and let his family know that he has no intention of ever coming back, and thus gain some closure. Just hang on to that and let him know that you're loving and supporting him throughout.
And if I sound wise (hah), it's because I have a wonderful boyfriend who is basically doing that with me. Not pushing me, not directing me, just letting me deal in my own time and reassuring me that he's here. And having such a safe place to heal in is vastly different from doing it in a vacuum.
Welcome again! :)
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Talking the talk is one thing, but would you ever dare to.......
by ParadigmRevolution in.
......attend?.
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CeriseRose
I went to this with my bf the weekend before I wrote my letter. Saw a couple from my KH but managed to 'avoid' them. It was highly entertaining...if you're in Canada and get the chance...go! :)