FMZ

Joined

• started 93 topics
• posted 1,996 times   see topics posted on
• send a message

Posts by FMZ

• 
  40

  Would you ever go back to an organized religion after leaving the Witnesses

  by MicStroz in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i was wondering just what the percentage would be on those who .

  have left and at some point turn to another group or church.. i know from my own trials that i will never be a part of any.

  organization.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  FMZ

  I'll drink to that... F*ckers won't get me again... I am my own person.

  FMZ
• 
  14

  Goth/Punk/Metalhead/Rivethead XJWs on this forum

  by ColdRedRain in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i've noticed that alot of jw youth that leave the faith in their late teens and early twenties become one of those 4 things, yet i haven't seen many in this forum.

  it might also be that i'm not here that often (380 posts since oct of '02).

  anyways, if there are any, speak up.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  FMZ

  I listen to everything from jazz and blues, to classical piano, to rap, to gothic.......... The list goes on. I am currently listening to John Lennon. I am 21 years old, an left last year. I dont see myself as a goth, but I do feel I have a strong link to the feelings and emotions in such songs. In just the same way, the feeling put into a concerto can also bring me to tears.

  If I can relate to music, I will listen to it, strive to understand it, and learn from it. Music is a beautiful art form, more amazing than any other. It can bring feelings of rapture, fear, happiness, guilt, depression. Music can take you to the heights of the heavens, or drive you into the depths of hell, all with one strike of the ivory key; the ivory key that opens the lock to one's emotions.

  It is amazing how music can be interpreted differently by different people, for instance Creed's amazing 'One Last Breath', here is the chorus:

  "Hold me now
  I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking
  maybe six feet
  Ain't so far down"

  I see this song as the guy wanting to kill himself... He is saying, if you want to keep me, then hold me... otherwise, I will kill myself, because 6 feet isnt so far down... it won't hurt that much, and life will be over, no more pain. My wife however, says it is about him thinking that it is only 6 feet difference between where he is now, and isnt worth it, as it would sadden his love.

  I heard this song and related because it is suicidal... my wife relates to it because she says it shows true love.

  Futher Mucking Musician
• 
  27

  What's The Most Traumatic Thing That's Ever Happened To You As A Witness?

  by minimus in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  when you look back at your witness life, you probably can see that you were regularly exposed to traumatic conditions and situations because you were a jw.

  thinking back, was there anything that stood out in your mind that especially wounded you?

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  FMZ

  I would have to say explaining in detail what my fiance and I did in my bedroom, in front of two elders and my mother (I was 17). We had made a "mistake" and was told the only way of making it right is to tell the elders. So I did, I went to see an elder, told him what happened. Then he said he had to contact my mother and have another little meeting (for a private reproof).

  I forced myself to eat the few days before... and vomited before the meeting because I was so nervous. I went in and told them what had happened briefly, and they kept asking questions about where I put my hands, and where I touched her, and where she touched me. It was so shameful. I wanted to die.

  If I knew then what I know now, I would have told him where he can shove his perverted views... and I would have also told him all the other stuff we did that "only married couples should do". Which brings me to an interesting point... in ancient times, the act of marriage was simply dedicating ones life to a partner. And by THOSE terms, my wife and I were already married. We did NO wrong. Bastards.

  FMZ
• 
  33

  Democrat or Republican?

  by spiritwalker in

  1. social
  2. current

  when i left the witnesses, i decided it was time to vote.

  so i registered republican and went to voting all republican and conservative.

  i figured, they might not be perfect, but unlike the democrats that i have seen.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  FMZ

  I'm going with Kerry! He has the balls to stand up and do whats right, not just what the "religious right" wants... What is so dirty about Howard Stern??? He talks about breasts, oral sex, anal sex. I have seen EVERY one of these openly discussed on this forum. He is just a guy talking about what NORMAL people talk about. People say he is rude to the women on his show... you know what, any woman going on his show knows what he is like, so they should expect nothing less.

  As far as the political debate goes, Bush (who apparently is ruling the FCC through daddy's boy Michael Powell) needs to realize that radios have this amazing thing these days... it's called a tuner knob. I don't need some republican telling me what I want to hear. If I don't want to hear something, then I turn that amazing little knob.

  Under Bush, this country will just keep spiralling into a Nazi-esque regime, with the Jews being replaced with anyone who is not a religious fanatic (or Bush supporter).

  Just my two pence. BTW... Bush is a moron, making jokes about not being able to find the WMDs in Iraq, after hundreds have died over there.

  Futher Mucking Kerry Supporter

  Go to www.howardstern.com for more info
• 
  3

  Poetry...

  by FMZ in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  as i always feel that putting pen to paper is almost as good as telling someone your feelings... here is a poem i wrote about the b0rg:.

  the other sheep.... a flock of sheep on one dark night,.

  lays down to sleep, all seems right,.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  FMZ

  As I always feel that putting pen to paper is almost as good as telling someone your feelings... Here is a poem I wrote about the b0rg:

  The Other Sheep...

  A flock of sheep on one dark night,
  Lays down to sleep, all seems right,
  Then silently, without a sound,
  One falls prey to an evil hound.

  One lost white sheep has fallen prey,
  Yet still their numbers remain the same.
  The sheep still lay in peaceful slumber,
  As demonic eyes plot their plunder.

  'Neath the guise of a pure white cowl,
  Stands a grey beast with blood soaked jowls.
  The sheep sleep on, unaware,
  They live their life without a care.

  This so-called sheep raises himself aloft,
  To lead the flock to pastures lost,
  A greener field beyond the borders,
  They follow behind and follow orders.

  This Other Sheep is now the Shepherd,
  And leading the flock to be slaughtered,
  Though all they see is a white disguise,
  Their leader will very soon be their demise.

  'Neath the guise of a pure white cowl,
  Stands a grey beast with blood soaked jowls.
  The sheep march on, unaware,
  They search for the pastures without a care.

  With crimson teeth, appetite diminished,
  The dirt beneath tells a story not finished.
  Of how a beautiful flock was led astray,
  And keeps on following the wolf to this day.

  Millions lost, their minds controlled,
  By this deceptive wild beast of old,
  A congregation, a flock no less,
  Needs a Shepherd now and to be blessed.

  'Neath the guise of a pure white cowl,
  Stands a grey beast with blood soaked jowls.
  The Shepherd sees into the beasts evil heart,
  Just a matter of time before it's soul will depart.

  This one is about Armageddon. It is somewhat of a retort to the phrase "apolcalypse now"... it came to mind whilst listening to the Thin Lizzy song "Angel of Death".

  Apocalypse When?

  This world we live in will soon pass away
  This we have been told for 2 thousand years

  A time of the likes this world has never seen
  A divine intervention of an unworldly degree

  The Bible, it has spoken about this era,
  Armageddon, faith and fear the name does inspire.

  Earthquakes, famine, death and destruction,
  peaceful life, no tears nor disruption,
  We are promised these things, we have prayed and then,
  No sign of a new world... Apocalypse, WHEN?

  The Earth gets worse, polluted with evil minds,
  The Four Horsemen have come, and still they ride.

  Death runs amock, millions of souls stolen in his raid.
  Those who are lucky perish at his blade.

  The rest live our lives, awaiting the Angel of Death,
  Is he late, did he die with faith's last breath?

  Holocaust, ethereal battle, death and destruction,
  (God give us) peaceful life, no tears nor disruption.
  We are promised these things, and still no sign,
  Lord kill me now, if it is past the Time.

  Even though our faith is like the strongest rock,
  Even stones are corroded by the flowing of time.
  Please God, if our faith is too late,
  Let us fall into the Oblivion that we deserve.

  Otherwise.....
  Let us overcome the death and destruction,
  Give us peaceful life, no tears nor disruption,
  You have promised these things, to you we bow,
  A sign of a new world, PLEASE, Apocalypse NOW.

  I'm by far no professional... just helps a little ya know... Does anyone else write? (These were written more as lyrics than poetry, but it still works I guess)

  Futher Mucker
• 
  54

  Your Tomb Stone... what do you want written on it?

  by Elsewhere in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  .

  i think i would like this on mine:.

  you had your chance, but now he's gone.. please keep the line moving..

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  FMZ

  Would like to be cremated to save the money. After all, when we die we are but dust anyway. If the authorities allowed it I'd be buried in the woods behind my house. If I had to have an epitaph, it would read something like..

  "My Prayer Was Finally Answered

  Deus Fortitudo Mea

  (God is My Strength)"

  I think too many people fear death. Why? Death is like a jalapeno pepper. Millions have already tasted them, and lived (with mild discomfort for a short time). Though before you try your first, you are nervous, maybe even scared.

  Death is but the beginning. I have prayed for death many times, to be released from this imperfect fleshly prison, and find out the universe's secrets. We are capable of so little whilst bonded to this body. This cannot be all there is... can it? If there is life after death, then I would like to learn everything. If there is not... I will never know it.

  As my signature in another forum states: "The meaning of life has been raped and desecrated, so embrace the killer of the body, for the soul shall live on and find the pure meaning of death."

  FMZ
• 
  20

  Depressed

  by Descender in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  hi, i'm wondering what the best way to get over depression is.

  i've been in a black hole for 3 months now and every damn day is a battle just to get out of bed.

  i've been faded for awhile now and so i lost most all the jw friends that i had in that transition.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  FMZ

  When my ex and I left we both found things we had always wanted to do but weren't allowed to do as dubs...he played some football and I got into bellydancing...something to think about...

  /me thinks long and hard about Xena bellydancing... hehe
• 
  19

  Yellowstone going to blow?

  by Pleasuredome in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  there's a rumour going around that the volcanic bubble under yellowstone's basin has raised over 100 feet in the past day and there are indications it is ready to blow.

  this might go on the news as an official anouncement later today.

  does anyone live near yellowstone?

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  FMZ

  Hopefully will put everyone at ease... When I heard I sent an email in to Yellowstone to inquire... here is the reply:

  There have been some relatively small hydrothermal disturbances at
  Yellowstone lately that had local effects. We have no reason to suspect
  that anything is building toward a volcanic eruption in the next few years
  (or centuries, for that matter). It is certainly possible that Yellowstone
  can become volcanically active again, and it is likely if you consider
  timescales of 10,000 to 100,000 years. If our monitoring systems show any
  information that an eruption is becoming more likely, you can be sure that
  we will inform that Park and the public! It's our job. Until that time,
  most of the information in the press is uninformed speculation, and to some
  degree wishful thinking by "disaster specialists."
  
  Jake Lowenstern
  Chief Scientist
  Yellowstone Volcano Observatory
  http://volcanoes.usgs.gov/yvo/

  FMZ
• 
  20

  Depressed

  by Descender in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  hi, i'm wondering what the best way to get over depression is.

  i've been in a black hole for 3 months now and every damn day is a battle just to get out of bed.

  i've been faded for awhile now and so i lost most all the jw friends that i had in that transition.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  FMZ

  Hey mate. I am relatively new to this board, and have been outta the b0rg for a year now, but I have only just told my parents back in England that I'm out, so I have lost much also. I just wanted to drop you a message and offer any help I can give. I have been a manic depressive for as long as I remember. I only just got on my depression medication (Zoloft) and they have doubled my dosage already to 100mg.

  I was pretty much the same as you, not even thinking about going to a doc. I always convinced myself that I would be "giving in" if I took meds, and that it would just show even more how weak I am. Just recently though, I finally decided that since it is a chemical imbalance, then (just like a headache) meds would be the best thing for it. Although I feel a little better in myself, there is still much mental work to be done.

  Studies have shown that a combination of therapy and meds is best. For your case, I think this would be a good idea. The therapy will help a LOT with what you are going through with your wife etc. The meds will help you counteract the physical effects of depression, i.e. lack of energy / motivation etc.

  Something that helped me, and this may not be recommended for everyone, is confronting my depression aggressively. Sure, I prayed, I took my meds, but all that only managed to help me get through the day. What sometimes helps a little though, is finding the heaviest, most dark, macabre music I have and laying down on the floor listening to it. Many people think that all heavy music is Satanic, this is bunk. Although there is much music that does have Satanic undertones, there is even more that sings about love, romance, death, etc., just be sure to read the lyrics before trying this (a few bands I recommend: Forest of Shadows, Nile, Type-O-Negative). Allow the sound of the music to take over you, feel the pain in it, cry if you feel like it. I almost use this as a form of meditation to confront my demons, and get thoughts and feelings over with.

  If heavy music does nothing for you (understandable), then just meditate alone. Don't be put off by the stereotypical monk sat cross legged on top of a mountain... Just lay on your bed, relax all your muscles, then close your eyes and breathe deeply. Let your thoughts and feelings flow. Don't think about your problems, but just be a spectator to your thoughts, let them come and go. After a few sessions you will get better. Often after meditating like this, I will feel as refreshed as if I had slept for hours, and I will be mentally more alert and level headed. If you would like more info on this, check out the links section on my new web-site www.your-reality.com , the link is on the left. There are links to a few meditation sites there.

  One of the biggest hurdles for me, was that being depressed caused me to feel that I deserved it somehow, because I didn't have the mental strength to overcome it by myself. This, again, was a big reason for me not wanting to get meds. Just keep in mind it is a chemical imbalance. Either you don't produce enough serotonin, or your brain absorbs too much of it to be of use. SSRIs (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors) are usually helpful in either case.

  Just as depression is a downward spiral, getting out of depression is like an upward spiral. As you take your meds (and get counselling), you feel better able to cope with your problems, and when you can cope with your problems, you feel less depressed, which gives you more confidence in approaching the world, and when you have more confidence, you can (again) tackle your problems better. Just remember though... meds only build this staircase. YOU must climb it.

  Well, I didnt mean this to be such a ramble, but just writing this has helped me a little, as I sincerely hope it helps you. If you ever need anything mate, let me know. You can contact me at [email protected] . Also, I am on MSN Messenger as [email protected] .

  And now everyone on the board probably thinks I am a depressive, Satanic-music-listening, thinks-hes-a-doctor, meditating, know-it-all weirdo... I'm out.

  FMZ
• 
  66

  Passing the time at JW Assemblies

  by Leolaia in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  love_truth, in describing the utter dullness of jw assemblies and conventions, just gave me an interesting idea for a thread.

  what were some of the ways you tried to make the hours pass?

  some of mine: looking at the interesting refracting patterns the arena floodlights made on my eyeglasses when looking thru them at an angle.looking for people i knew from my congregation and others in the mass of people in the arena.counting the number of people leaving the section to go to the bathroompractice writing people's names in elvish scripthaving a conversation with friends a row behind me by passing notes back and forthseeing how many pages of my bible stick together when i slam a wad of gum in between its pages.. what else?

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  FMZ

  Hi there, new to the board. Ex-JW (born into the bOrg, left last year when I was 20) in search of the real truth.

  My way of passing time at the conventions etc the last couple of years was concentrating on not throwing up. Suffering from social anxiety problems and a fear of being in crowds was never any fun. I would always have to sit by the aisle because if there was someone I didnt know between me and the aisle I would freak out. But of course, I HAD to attend. My parents made me sit with them each time. One time I took a walkman and listened to the program from outside the arena. Even though I was sat there on the steps outside with a Bible in hand, I still got dirty looks from the elders walking past.

  Oh well... of course, I am not good enough for Jehovah because I don't like being around people, and found it hard to go on the ministry.

  FMZ