Just an observation, but it is the rest of us talking about all the other things in a relationship aside from sex, and the OP only seems to talk about that one thing. We're sitting here trying to lay out the complexities of relationships and he's just talking about his "vitality" and equating intimacy solely to sex, which means either we're all battling out this men vs women issue while dude just sits there and grunts out "I want sex". None of us knows much about the OP's relationship because he's going no deeper than the fact that he wants something and she's not cooperating. We have no clue where his responsibility lies because he puts it all on her, which isn't a great sign. It rarely falls squarely on one person's shoulder in any relationship. We all play in to whatever function or dysfunction exists in our marriages and should look inward to start the process of fixing something first. This is coming from a former" blamer" myself. You need to check yourself first and I'm not seeing the OP doing that here.
dubstepped
JoinedPosts by dubstepped
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103
Need advice: Intimacy with my wife almost non existint because she considers me an apostate
by goingthruthemotions injust on of the perks of being an apostate who is married to a branwashed, blinded jw woman.
you know, we have been married for ~27 years....most of which we had nothing to do with the piece of shite cult.
up till the begining of 2014 was when i woke up.
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103
Need advice: Intimacy with my wife almost non existint because she considers me an apostate
by goingthruthemotions injust on of the perks of being an apostate who is married to a branwashed, blinded jw woman.
you know, we have been married for ~27 years....most of which we had nothing to do with the piece of shite cult.
up till the begining of 2014 was when i woke up.
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dubstepped
I haven't seen anyone address this so I will because it really struck me in the OP. GTTM said what's the use of being married if this is lacking, or something to that affect. My hope is that your relationship involves much more than sex that fills other needs of you both. If not, you've got bigger problems than a lack of sex. Intimacy involves much more than sex, which you seem to equate it with. Add in the lack of understanding of how your wife works as aa woman that has needs precluding sex instead of it just being sex for the sake of sexual release and you guys might want to see a marriage counselor to help work through some of this. Something like your awakening is devastating for her. She knows what you think of her and her organization. Without respect, love dies. You guys need to work on connecting again and this could be a great opportunity to work on other areas of your relationship and you could discover or rediscover things that being you closer than the Borg ever could. -
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I'm sick of...
by freemindfade ini'm sick of.... ...having an elder i barely know invite himself over to my house, and bring another asshole elder with him, you know, to "see how i'm doing" f-ck them.
...having same elder with all insincerity approach me at the beeting and before inviting himself over, ask, "how are you doing?
" then when i say everything is great, go ahead and invite them selves over anyway.
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dubstepped
DA = Dead Air
It is like I turned the radio off and no longer have to listen to that noise again, ever, and the relief is amazing.
Disassociating is NOT playing their game. I heard that mess so many times. Who is playing their game, the person staying in it and having to do things they don't like to keep up appearances or the person that walks away forever? My wife and I chose to DA happily. Is it a tough decision? Yes, and painful at that with the permanence of such a decision when it has been your whole life. But these last two weeks have been so free. They can't touch us. I can adulterate while smoking a cigarette on my birthday and not care one iota what some judgemental person with a rafter in their own eye says about me. Not that I want to live an immoral life, but there is such freedom knowing that those judgy bastards have nothing to say that I have to listen to. Those that DA never have to play their game. I do get the ramifications if you have friends or family in, but if you're still in you are indeed playing their game. That's why you're ranting like this, because you're stuck in a game you don't want to play. I'm so sorry that's the case. I feel tremendously for those stuck in because of just that, the stress of playing the game. Much love man, for you and the others trying to play the game that you just can't win. We didn't have what it takes to do that.
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7
not going to school
by Sabin ini don't know if it is the same where you are but where i live it is a common practise of jdub`s to withdraw their kid`s from school at about year 8 even younger in some cases.
they say they are being home schooled & of cause they do cover a certain amount of school topics.
don't get me wrong i`m not saying that it is wrong to home school a youngster, especially if they are being bullied or suffering in some way, but the jdub`s don't do it for this purpose, oh no their kid`s are out on the field service during what would be school hours.
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dubstepped
It really turns my stomach. Why? Because I've watched the effects of it. It has been hot here since I was a kid, and I'm thankful that I went to traditional schools and got the education I could, as I was discouraged from going any further. I've seen this in my own family and one member didn't graduate or even get their GED and it obviously impacted their employment thereafter. The other member that I watched do it graduated from the accredited online program, but dear God, a monkey could do the work they were assigned. It was perfect for JW's though, as all they had to do was regurgitate information in open book tests on the simplest of subjects. My wife actually was home schooled, which primarily consisted of her codependent needy mom using her for company the whole time and discouraging her from doing her school work. My wife never graduated, so I pushed her to get her GED when we got married.
I do realize that there are kids that can come out of a home schooling process with a wonderful education. However, that would more likely happen when their parents are educated themselves. Otherwise it is the blind leading the blind. Go over to JW Talk and read their forum on home schooling. Holy crap, those people are dumber than rocks and they're looking for any excuse not to teach their children anything not from a Watchtower magazine or to use the ministry hours to substitute for more traditional schooling. The parents over their can barely string together a coherent sentence and couldn't spell their way into a remedial English class, but they're all educators now, teaching the next generation.........errrr............overlapping generation???? With an organization that can't even figure out the meaning of simple words and/or concepts, what hope do the kids have?
Parents, if you want to limit your own lives, go right ahead. Knock yourselves out. DO NOT jeopardize the futures of your kids and limit them simply because you need a buddy or want them to follow a predetermined course destined by the organization that you blindly serve.
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"Getting Baptized Is A Protection...."
by dubstepped ini'm sure that most of us heard that line when we were young.
i never could convince myself of that, other than that it hung a blade over my head that would then be on the chopping block should i err in some way and thus they would be protected from me, but i also knew that i needed to do so anyway.
otherwise i'd be a pariah if i got older and didn't take the step, and i wanted to be good in their eyes.
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dubstepped
I'm sure that most of us heard that line when we were young. I never could convince myself of that, other than that it hung a blade over my head that would then be on the chopping block should I err in some way and thus they would be protected from me, but I also knew that I needed to do so anyway. Otherwise I'd be a pariah if I got older and didn't take the step, and I wanted to be good in their eyes.
I finally figured it out though. It actually finally became a protection for me. If I hadn't been baptized I never could have disassociated, and now I actually am protected from the ten kinds of crazy that the toxic organization brings to people. They can't talk to me now even if they wanted to. No more passive aggressive comments. No more bigoted statements to listen to. No more fear mongering directed at me.
Looks like they were right all along, just not in the way that they thought.
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JW do alot of bad... and we are all collectively responsible for this!
by StephaneLaliberte ini know someone who was working for an elder.
when she got disfellowshipped, he gave her two weeks noticed and paid for one... she didn't bring that sob to court as it was her own father.
that happened about a months ago.. another example is that me and my family have become inactive.
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dubstepped
I agree to some extent with the OP. That's one reason of many that we just DAed. To continue to stay in while wanting out felt like enabling the organization to continue while I held the burden. Nope, not going to do it. What would happen if all of the faders stood up and DAed? It would make a statement. Fading says nothing, though I understand why people do it for family. Still, I believe that sends the wrong message to the top, that they can do what they want and few will take a stand against them.
Many that are DFed hang their head in shame and go away with a whimper. It is what they want and brainwashed people to do.
So many in the Borg have doubts but are scared to voice them. All of this lets things go on unchanged. The organization is a bully and people are afraid to punch them in the nose. As a result, they keep on doing what they do. I don't really fault people for not standing up because it is tough for people bearing their scars to do so, but I have to wonder how much the status quo goes on because few really use their voice.
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Reflecting on my Disfellowshipping
by kairos intoday is the day.. i was baptized as one of jehovah's witnesses on march 25th 1989.disfellowshipped for admitted apostasy today, september 10th 2015.. what an amazing story we all share.
how did we get involved with this group and think this was the best way of life?.
i asked my wife to stay home from the meeting tonight and spend the evening with me.she is.... we celebrated our 19th wedding anniversary this past monday.. i must admit, i never saw any of this coming, but it couldn't have come sooner.i'm free of all the fake friendships.
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dubstepped
Cheers Mr. Kairos! I know you never expected to be here, like I never expected to be DAed last week. What a long, strange journey it has been. But let me tell you that there was a sense of freedom and peace that came over us last week and continues today. Many hang their heads when they get out, but hold your head erect, for your deliverance is here. You're done my man. Don't look back. Keep running toward freedom. It is a strange place, but it is also beautiful if you do it well. -
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Where my cleaners at?
by dubstepped ini was just wondering who else on here cleans for a living.
we all know the dubs' penchant for cleaning, so i was wondering if my wife and i were the lone cleaners on here.
we've cleaned together for 15+ years now.
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dubstepped
I was just wondering who else on here cleans for a living. We all know the dubs' penchant for cleaning, so I was wondering if my wife and I were the lone cleaners on here. We've cleaned together for 15+ years now. Everything from rentals to houses, from detailing cars to washing windows, with carpet cleaning and even some painting in there as well. We've also cleaned offices, a library, car dealerships, and banks. We now focus on house cleaning and have for years, with carpet cleaning and on rare occasions we'll detail a car for a cleaning client. No employees here, even though we've got a huge waiting list for our house cleaning services. Employees are just a hassle that we don't want to deal with, and honestly we love our clients and they are our friends and our family now that we've DA'ed.
I gave up college and other entrepreneurial opportunities when I graduated high school to pioneer, as we all know for good dubs wanting to please that's what you do. I honestly don't regret the path my life has taken though. It could have been more lucrative for sure. However, my wife and I have an amazing relationship and we get to work together every day. Additionally, I get to listen to podcasts and books every day while I work, and it was those audio programs that helped broaden my perspective and eventually wake me up. I listened to books on codependence, emotional abuse, narcissism, ADHD, finance, business, and so much more. I listened to podcasts on psychology, mental illness, money, great true stories, and more. Those things exposed me to so much that helped me round out as a person instead of just having a life revolving around the narrow perspective of the JW religion. I also got to observe families that we work for and to see that they in no way reflected the bigoted view given to me from the religion that I grew up with, and the same for my wife. I have a great life now, and am soooooooo at peace since our DA'ing was announced last Wednesday, just one week ago.
So, how about you? Any other cleaners here? What type of cleaning do you do? Has it served you other than simply being a job in ways?
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Deconstructing Splanes 'Generation' explanation
by Splash inat around 4 minutes into the september 2015 video splane said "for the man and the baby to be part of josephs generation they would have had to have lived at least some time during joseph's lifespan.".
this is the lynchpin of the wt argument, that two lives must overlap to be considered the same generation.. let's take an example of twins who are born just a few minutes apart.
obviously, these twins are the same generation as each other.
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dubstepped
Am I totally wrong, or to be in someone's generation don't you have to be born around roughly the same time? It isn't just about living at some point in the duration of a person's life, but about having life spans that start around the same time, much like my parents and I (and my siblings) are different generations of a family. Even the scripture they used at Exodus 1:6 to define generation talked about Joseph's brothers as that generation and then used a vague term thereafter. But specifically it talked about a generation in context of siblings, who for all intents and purposes would be born in roughly the same stretch of childbearing time and constitute a generation. -
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Done.....done done done....
by dubstepped inmy wife and i just found out that our disassociation was announced last night.
we....are...free!.
i'd like to take a moment to thank some people:.
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dubstepped
I just wanted to say a quick "Thanks!" to all of my friends here before I head off to bed. Hopefully our first night free is one of sound sleep. My wife has had some battles with insomnia throughout this process because of dreams from the stress of the process. But it is so worth it already. We have a new life brewing and it already tastes so much better than the one we left behind. Your words mean a lot to both of us. I may post here, but I show lots of things to my wife and it made us both feel less alone through the process of awakening and eventually DA'ing.
@never a jw - I hope I can take you up on that offer someday. Unfortunately we live in Indiana, not sunny California. We've got time now to follow our own dreams, one of which is going out west. We've never been farther west than St. Louis, lol. That's not very far west.
And let me give a shout out to all of those on here that can't DA because they have a spouse or someone that they're close to in that prevents it. You folks have my utmost respect. We did lose family in this process and it was painful and will continue to be. But my wife and I happened to wake up together and escape together. I wish that for everyone else fighting for family. May you someday be able to escape with that person or those people. I sincerely wish that for you. There's no magic formula, just time and/or timing. Keep up the good fight.