Posts by dubstepped

9

Circuit Overseers are putting their resume on LinkedIn? This is new?!

by dropoffyourkeylee in

i am a bit surprised to see what appears to be current and in-good-standing circuit overseers putting their resumes on linkedin.

www.linkedin.com/title/circuit-overseer.

do you know any of these, and are they legit?.

dubstepped

Why would they even need LinkedIn profiles? Those are for professional networking. COs don't work secularly.

27

Question: Can't You Just Ignore A Judicial Committee?

by Sorry in

one thing i've never understood is judicial committees.

yes, i understand it's held to see if elders should go through with the disfellowshipping process.

but why give them all the power?

dubstepped

If you don't show up they'll DF you by default, which shows the presumption of guilt is the way they work . Guilty is what they truly want to find you.

12

Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response (ASMR)

by Simon in

i stumbled across something the other day that made me sit up because it seemed to perfectly describe a feeling i experience from time to time that apparently isn't uncommon.. it's called autonomous sensory meridian response or "asmr" and is a kind of tingly feeling on/in your head.

you can read about it here:.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/autonomous_sensory_meridian_response.

dubstepped

Do you happen to listen to Beautiful Anonymous, Simon? If so, I heard the same, though I have a friend that likes to listen to it.

55

Let's Be Honest - You or One of Your Ancestors Was an Idiot

by Simon in

why were we ever a jw?

were we mad?

we must have been .... well, my excuse is that i knew nothing else.

dubstepped

Could something small have changed the course of your life?

Dad lost his job because the factory that paid very well moved away and we had to move to cheaper housing. Guess who we moved in next door to? Yep, a crazy JW family. That one move screwed our lives.

Mom wasn't an idiot, per se, but was very damaged and prone to predators. The people next door were predators, abusing their children in every way, and predators, treating our family like garbage over the years. My mom idolized the insane mom next door who took her under her wing and taught her "the truth". Life would never be the same again.

I found out recently that my mom had severe trauma in her own past. She is a very smart lady, but emotionally very hurt, and I think she was just looking for all of the answers to her life. JWs have an answer or some sort for everything and offer a very attractive future benefits plan, even though it's all bullshit.

28

So getting disfellowshipped sounds kind of great.

by schnell in

i grew up in this religion, i was baptized at 14, married at 27, and now i'm 31. i'm also evolutionist and atheist.

i wanted this to be the truth.

i spent years as an apologist trying to reconcile everything.

dubstepped

Just for transparency, it is unlikely that your letter will be read in it's entirety or that more than maybe one or two elders will look at it. But in my view, that letter isn't for them, it's for you. It was cathartic to sit and write some of those things out. I actually went for the kill them with kindness letter to freak them out and not be what they would think I would be, and I can say that it worked. I forgot to sign mine and they had to call me to verify that I wrote it, which makes sense, so I let them know and was so nice to them. I went out as the good and kind person that I wanted to be. I wanted to be better than them, not to play into their preconceived notions. That was my style, and they were blown away by my attitude when talking with them. Like I said though, that was me, and you've got to do you. If you write one at some point, on your own timeline, do it however you want, however you will look back later and feel good about it.

28

So getting disfellowshipped sounds kind of great.

by schnell in

i grew up in this religion, i was baptized at 14, married at 27, and now i'm 31. i'm also evolutionist and atheist.

i wanted this to be the truth.

i spent years as an apologist trying to reconcile everything.

dubstepped

I've said it once and I'll say it again, who is "playing their game", the guy that stays in and has to lie and hide things or the guy that tells them to fuck off with a disassociation letter and therefore ends all contact? That whole "playing their" game bit has been played out over and over and as one that disassociated, I got to stop playing it. Game over. In the meantime I watch the majority of you that fade go through so much drama to keep your fade going.

It's up to you schnell as to what you want to do. There is nothing wrong with disassociating if that's your choice. My wife and I did it and life has been so much better since leaving. It is all quiet on the toxic JW front, unlike many who fade and have to "play the game" for family and/or friends.

You do you. Only you know what you want, and of course you need to work alongside your wife with this. If you want to fade, that's fine, but realize that you'll have to pretend not to be the real you when in among those people, thus playing their game. If you want to end the game, there's a tool for that too, but it is permanent and you can't un-ring that bell. We've not regretted it.

11

Kingdom Hall construction -- Counting time and reporting travel, meals, and lodging expenses

by FatFreek 2005 in

i have two questions.

1. if you work on kingdom hall construction, are you allowed to count your time in lieu of field service?

an old thread here indicated that if you are pioneer, you can count your time.

dubstepped

Yes and yes.

33

Disassociation revealed what type of man my father really is.

by Paul Mooney in

i began my exit from the jehovah’s witness organization about 5 years.

i was a 4th generation born-in, with all the baggage that comes with having the “spiritual heritage” attached to the group.

i was an elder/bethelite/pioneer/whatever other useless privilege there was, i had no family or friends outside of the organization… my entire life was that org.

dubstepped

Damn. I can't imagine getting a beautiful letter like that from my dad even before I disassociated. My mind is blown at the possibility of getting something like that after. Wow, just wow. That has to feel amazing on some level even if it is bittersweet. Thanks for sharing a glimpse into something so rare.

10

Week 16 Since My Disfellowshipping - Update

by pale.emperor in

hi guys.

i could really do with you advice regarding my current state since being disfellowshipped 16 weeks ago.. since being given the boot (i did try to fade but it failed) ive been on a rollacoaster of emotions.

lately im getting frequent headaches, tiredness and i have about 3 or 4 thoughts running through my mind at all times.. im passed the sadness phase of discovering it's a cult.

dubstepped

I've been thinking about this all day and finally got home to reply. I wish that meant that I had some amazing words of wisdom, but I likely don't.

I think that the five stages of grief, denial, grief, bargaining, depression, and acceptance do occur but not necessarily after you leave. I think it's part of the process of leaving and then continues some afterward.

For me, I was super anxious right when we left, but it was buffered with this almost manic sense of freedom. It was without compare. It was maybe a good anxious, as anything was now possible and I was free. I had a lot of time to make my decision to leave though. I'd say it took maybe six years of getting healthy enough to do so. Really, our path afterward was nothing short of fantastic. Lately I did get down and posted here a bit, but I'm past it already. It was just a minor funk, likely caused by some things I referenced in the thread.

I gave my example a little just for context, but honestly I think that there is no list of phases. Everyone exits in different ways. You were preparing mentally by reading apostate stuff, but you were caught and thrust out without it being your choice. You lost your wife and share your child in a different way now. My experience is so different than that. I really think that we all come out in different ways and that it impacts those phases. Plus, we all have different emotional makeups, different social circles (or lack thereof) when leaving, etc. It's kind of amazing that we all spent years in an organization doing pretty much the exact same things, but we all have such different experiences on the way out and after.

I'm so sorry you found yourself homeless. Isn't it awesome though when those evil "worldly" people prove themselves better than the dubs over and over again? I mean, the acts of kindness toward us have been so much greater than anything experienced in decades with the dubs. It just affirms how much we were lied to by the dubs who mischaracterized an entire group of people to make them so ugly you'd be afraid of them and stick closely to the Borganization. Isn't that sick?

I don't want to pry or anything, but if you need any financial advice or ideas on how to make some money or something shoot me a pm. I'm not rich, but I've turned my financial situation around completely and money is no longer a worry, and my wife and I don't have any special skills. I just listened and learned from people that had been through the wringer and had wisdom to offer.

It sounds like your brother is really falling for the fantasy of the JWs, and I'm sorry. It unfortunately dehumanizes people. It steals their compassion for the world and makes them self-centered, looking for the panda paradise to come fix their problems. It also makes them paranoid, as you see from his comments about apostate materials. I was paranoid like that. I was shaking the first time I came on a site like this.

Hugs man, I'm so sorry about your family. It's an unfortunate reality that they will cut you completely off 99% of the time. We got to leave on our own initiative. We knew exactly what the consequences would be. We had seen our families shun before and knew what it would be for us. I think those expectations made it easier to accept. It sucks though, doesn't it, no matter what you expect.

25

Is disassociating worth the hassle?

by HereIgo in

i have been out now for 6 years but lately i have been giving some thought to da.

i just kind of feel that chapter in my life is still open and for some reason i feel like da'ing might close that chapter but i'm not entirely sure.

im not df either, when i left i basically faded and disappeared.

dubstepped

The answer to your question is in your question itself. DAing is a way to end the hassle. If you've faded and can be anyone you want to be without hassle, enjoy. For us, we knew that wasn't the case. Had we celebrated holidays openly, taken a tranfusion, etc. at some point we would be hassled for sure.

Fading isn't some magic way of not playing their game unless you're one of the few that can do so without hassle. If you read on here very long you see people that face tremendous hassle but turn around and recommend fading. Most think they can save family. It is rare that it happens and they stay in the toxic environment for some time.

Disassociating ends the game. You can be whoever or whatever you want without fear of hassle. Then they truly have no power over you. You are truly free. There's a price to be paid, but freedom is never free. We have never been happier since DAing last year.

So it depends on you and the level of hassle you currently endure or are willing to put up with. Whatever you do, do it for you, not for a fantasy of what you can do for or to others. Going out with a bang changes nobody's mind, and neither does staying in thinking you can save others. Again, it happens, but is rare. It's more common that people live their lives for others and end up miserable.