I have never been through an apeals case before so I don't know what to say.
I feel for you and know how horrible it must be for you.
Tha only advice I can give is keep your own opinions close to you and just let them know that although you are having doubts you have never discussed theese with members of the congregation. The email that your wife sent to her father was not to try and sway him but just explaining your doubts.
I have no idea what else to say but that I'm thinking of you and hope all goes well.
Hopefully some ex elders will be able to give you some more helpful advice.
Lehaa.