Fleur

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Posts by Fleur

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  69

  How embarassing...

  by wombat in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  imagine starting a topic and hardly anyone replies.

  and you have to keep bumping yourself to the top because of either your ego or passion for the topic.. unc did a number on this a couple of days ago but it was too subtle.

  (unlike him).. i have no passion for this topic.

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  Fleur

  I think I'm a thread killer LOL. Seems no matter what I post nobody usually posts after very often

  essie
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  28

  How Were You Treated By The Elders?

  by minimus in

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  2. friends

  generally, were you treated with respect, kindness and empathy or did the elders treat you badly?

  ?

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  Fleur

  Ignored till I asked for help with my abusive mate. Then, they compared me to the wife of Job and encouraged me to "be a better wife, and pray more."

  b@($(&*(*^!*^%s!

  There were one or three in my whole life who showed kindness and genuine concern toward me. Unfortunately one of them died suddenly, very young, and the others are so old and sick now.

  essie
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  28

  Going Door to Door...

  by Priest73 in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  some thing just occurred to me.

  i live in a city 500+ miles from my home town.

  in a large metropolitan area.

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  Fleur

  They're technically not supposed to preach in our complex, private property and all. Some JW's live in here, and a couple years ago when they did that "big huge tract' thingie we had one left in our door.

  I find it interesting though that the elders have never paid me a visit despite the fact that several of my family members have specifically asked them to. Perhaps they saw my DA letter (they df'd me but I wrote the DA letter before they did it) that said that the elders were not to contact me under any circumstances except by mail to inform me of their decision on my case. They didnt' contact me then, so I'm amazed when people say they got registered letters informing them of their df'ing.

  I had a funny experience with my mom awhile back. I wanted to drop off a small gift to thank a neighbor for a kindness they had shown to my aging parents...and so Mom and I went across the street and to the door together. We stood on the too-tiny porch, and after I knocked on the door, she laughed and said "you wanna take this one?" I laughed out loud. Then I had a cold chill. "Brings back memories, eh?" she said. "We haven't been on a porch together like this in years."

  Not enough years for me to forget how much I hated it, I thought.

  ~essie
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  21

  Feel like a failure

  by love2Bworldly in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i feel like an emotional wreck right now.

  i am on my way to a third divorce.

  i can't put up with my spouse for much longer, he's so dysfunctional.

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  Fleur

  I'm in a time crunch at the moment so forgive me if I'm repeating anything that others have said...

  You need to focus on being you, getting to know yourself, and finding out that being sick with someone is no alternative to being healthy alone.

  I've been through divorce, starting over, all of that. It sounds like you're attracting men who don't respect you and treat you as you deserve because you are so desperate not to be alone. Men can 'smell' that like a dog can smell fear. They play off of it, and they often tell you, as my ex did, "Do you think anyone else is going to treat you better than I do?" To anyone who says that to you, the automatic answer is yes because they already know they're treating you badly. You just have to realize that you DO deserve better. You have likely never been treated in your life as you deserve to be.

  I wasn't sure at the time, but I knew that I didn't want to be with him. I did find someone who treats me like gold but you have to give yourself what you need first. Be kind to yourself, give yourself time, and don't rush into anything after this relationship.

  Learn to enjoy and value your own company. Focus on your kids. Get healthy, and you'll find out that you don't need a man to be complete. You just need you. Keep talking and find other women in similiar situations to talk with...you can be a great resource to eachother.

  hugs

  essie
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  64

  WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE NOW?

  by bubble in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  i've been disfellowshipped for 4 years now (for loose conduct - lol) .

  what i want to know is, what am i supposed to believe now?

  i was brought up a jw but i know that so many of their teachings and doctrines are completely false.

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  Fleur

  What Elsewhere said.

  You can't believe in anything more important than believing that you have a place, a cause, and a calling in the Universe.

  I often find that volunteering for a cause close to your heart helps take a lot of the wondering what to believe out of the picture for me. I stopped believing in duality of man and Divinity and I believe in the work of hands motivated by love to do good in the world.

  I work with my hands for others in simple ways as much as I can. Doing that has given more meaning to my life than any 'beliefs' I have ever seen, heard of, felt, or experienced.

  good luck. The journey is the thing, not a destination.

  essie
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  18

  David Willis

  by Junction-Guy in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  well its finally time i cast away all remaining reluctance from my jw days.

  most everyone i have met in person knows me, but this is only the 2nd time ive ever come forward with my identity on an xjw board, and frankly im at a point in my life where i no longer could give a rat's rear end if anyone finds out.

  im an open opposer of the wt society and everything it stands for.. darin willis is my brother and moncie (monica) is my mom.

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  Fleur

  Proud of you, David.

  I hope that someday it'll be safe for me to do the brave thing you just did. Perhaps when my child is grown, it'll be safe then. Til then, or necessity, I remain in the shadows...but admire you for your courage.

  hugs

  essie
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  34

  A New Voice

  by apfergus in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  i haven't been involved with the jws in nearly five years now.

  i was raised as a witness from the time i was seven until i was 17 and a junior in high school.

  i don't have any particularly sad stories to tell, really, except that the process of leaving the organization--even though i was never baptised--was the hardest thing i've ever gone through.

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  Fleur

  Welcome, Fergus, happy to have you with us! You're already among friends here :)

  I look forward to hearing your voice around here!

  hugs

  essie
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  32

  having doubts..

  by fairchild in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i have not been on this board in a while for various reasons.

  the main reason being that my best friend died on march 11th, and things have been different since that day.

  i don't have words to describe how the void feels, so i won't even attempt.

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  Fleur

  Fairchild, I am very sorry about your loss. I went through a lot of desperate soul searching after my especially beloved grandmother died, here is the thread: http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/80371/1.ashx people had comments of all kinds...perhaps something in their words to me might resonate with you. There are no easy answers...it was when I stopped frantically searching for meaning and was just still, that I found the peace that I'd been looking for was there in the silence.

  wishing you peace, too whatever you decide that you believe...

  essie
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  70

  The Finished Project

  by SickofLies in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i just got home from the appeal, and i won i'm not df'ed!

  lol how crazy is that?

  anywayz, i'll post the results when i get them on my computer, it make take some time so don't expect the recordings until tomorrow.

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  Fleur

  The only question is will the holy FSM aprove of me staying a JW?

  Well, I think that His wise and illustrious Noodliness is very understanding...and, er, wise...and...stringy...and I think that His infinite wisdom would allow him to understand :D His Recipe be done!

  essie
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  31

  Need Some Help Understanding

  by Broken Hearted in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i am a non jw, who has met a jw and we have been online chatting for last 9 months.

  i have fallen in love with him.

  he has been trying to push me away lately, and finding out one of the reasons is because of the religious background.

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  Fleur

  As someone who was on the 'other side' of an online relationship something like what you seem to be describing (I can't know for sure because I can't know the details) I can tell you that it's awfully, awfully hard for someone to get out of the religion when they want to with all their heart. I did it. But it was hell. And I didn't even want to stay in when I left.

  If he has the desire to stay in, believe me, no matter how much you think you love him, don't do this to yourself. You deserve someone who can love you completely. A JW cannot love anyone completely, not even their god because they are always torn over the things that the manmade organization requires of them.

  A JW loves no one, truly. Believe that. Those who do, either marry in their faith (as they are told to do, and even then, I don't know a whole lot of happy JW couples...) or they break free of the organization and start a completely new life. that's what I did, but believe me I am the exception, not the rule.

  Like Scully said, unless you have proof he's divorced, don't believe it. JW's are not allowed to get involved with anyone new after a divorce unless they can prove their mate committed adultery. If he doesn't have the proof on his ex, then he's either still married, or unable to remarry as far as the cult is concerned.

  Run, honey. Far, and fast. You will find another man. Would you want to be with him if he stayed a JW, knowing that you could never, really, in his heart of hearts, measure up because you weren't a believer? Think about that.

  keep talking...hope you find lots of help and support here. Welcome pudgy *hug*

  essie