Dear Gerbils:
I too felt like you did. I went along with everything just to please my family. I thought it was the right thing to do and that is so false. Making such a huge step to anything you should know all facts and base everything on your feelings. However, I did get baptized thinking it would be the only way to please everyone and still thinking well its the truth and the right thing to do. For me it was not I was living a lie and I fully regret it to this day. I regret it so much now because I now know what the truth is.
I too believe there is a creator but I believe in just that for now. I think it matters what a person does in life now how many meetings you go to and how much service time you have. I think thats all wrong because you can lead such a double life but if those hours are in everything is fine. I think that is backwards. I didn't see Jesus marking in his time and saying hours count. How you live as a person god sees that and he knows.
Do alot of reading and soul searching if I were you. You are 20 you have so many years and life ahead of you don't throw it away with pleasing and doing what someone else would want you to do. Yes it is easier said than done. Just find yourself and do what makes you happy because at the end of the day if you can live with your mistakes and choices thats what should matter. You need to be happy with you.
I need to do the same thing I am only 24 but I am married and have 2 kids. I am young and I need for once to live for me and not for others. I hope you find what you are looking for and whatever it maybe just be happy and know what you are getting into.
Brooke WI