whyamihere

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Posts by whyamihere

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  71

  poll/ survey on what you "were" (rank in your hall)

  by burningbridges in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i wasjust really curious to see what the average of everyone's "history" is here, and also how many "higer ups" we have that have abandoned the ways.

  so what were you, an elder?

  a pioneer?

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  whyamihere

  I was the local Jezebel.
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  8

  Any poor sports here?

  by whyamihere in

  1. social
  2. physical

  kicking, yelling, throwing objects, crying, cursing, slamming doors......anyone?.

  well is been a pretty good year for me and i've kept my mouth shut until now......... so, don't y'all be player haters....lol.

  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oe_vbsdlmd0

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  whyamihere

  Kicking, yelling, throwing objects, crying, cursing, slamming doors......anyone? **crickets**....lol.

  Well is been a pretty good year for me and I've kept my mouth shut until now......... So, don't y'all be player haters....lol

  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oe_vBSdLmd0
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  77

  My Avatar and yours

  by LockedChaos in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  just curious .

  any symbolism or meaning to your avatar choice?

  mine is actually a gif .

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  whyamihere

  Come on over - I have cocktails!

  Where have I heard this statement before?

  Tempting honey - next time, pack me in your traveling bags! I've been known to fit in odd places.
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  77

  My Avatar and yours

  by LockedChaos in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  just curious .

  any symbolism or meaning to your avatar choice?

  mine is actually a gif .

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  whyamihere

  That's me in a hotel room, with only a towel on - yeah all I need is a cocktail in my hand and that would sum up my life.
• 
  60

  How important is alcohol to you?

  by Peppermint in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i feel i drink too much and it concerns me sometimes.

  i'm not an alcoholic (isn't that what an alcoholic would say?

  ) and i never drink in large quantities but if i don't have a glass of wine or a good real ale in my hand of an evening i feel disappointed.

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  whyamihere

  How important is alcohol to you?

  Depends on who I am talking too!
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  6

  Musings

  by whyamihere in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  when did i become so cynical / jaded?

  often thought of myself as one who optimistically looked at life complacency if you will .

  now after the past few years more specifically 2 12 years, i have found myself to be apathetic.

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  whyamihere

  I sincerely hope tomorrow is a better day.

  Thanks, trying to look at a glass half full here. Thank you anyway.

  The plate of my life is full these days. The thought of going back just to please everyone has been mostly playing a part of my depression state. Sadly, its what may happen. Lead a double life? I've done it before.

  I thought JWD would have helped me more, but I guess in someways it filled a void - short term. Good and Bad did come from the site. Opened my eyes, it did, but I wished my heart would have been healed along with it. I came across a few real friends and some regrets. JWD still serves a purpose and some hope for me.

  I need to move I think. Move far away, but I wonder if it would be far enough. My uncle once said: "Moving away doesn't solve anything, the problems just follow." Sometimes, I wonder if he was right.

  I hate being sad.
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  6

  Musings

  by whyamihere in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  when did i become so cynical / jaded?

  often thought of myself as one who optimistically looked at life complacency if you will .

  now after the past few years more specifically 2 12 years, i have found myself to be apathetic.

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  whyamihere

  When did I become so cynical / jaded?

  Often thought of myself as one who optimistically looked at life – complacency if you will . Now after the past few years – more specifically 2 ½ years, I have found myself to be apathetic

  Is the fact that people whom I loved, left me? Or, the fact years have past and I now realize, people don't really care about others. Many just use them as stepping stones, or a side step for their own benefit. Some actually pretend to care, unknowingly, that on the other side there is a heart.

  Well there once was.

  I don't want to teach my children that, heartless individuals roam about the earth waiting to use/profit from them. Not wanting my children to leave the nest thinking, awfully, but with a filled heart and joyfulness that I once had.

  Maybe, I've seen to much pain, hurt, sorrow, abandonment, lies etc.. Or, that fact I've done my share of it and now realizing, that I too, am one of them. Those certain individuals who cast their lies and promises and never fulfill. Am I? Hard on myself, am I not, should I be?

  Family has left me. Why? Did I grow up into a person who I wanted to be – destined to be? Free, from guilty cult like organization of men who decide what I do, how I live, what my children's future hold?

  Shall I sit and wonder who will die next? My aging grandparents? What about an accident, leaving my last words to a beloved brother - “I'm sorry that's the way I feel about the Governing Body”. I wonder if that will ever happen. Will my sorrow and guilt of those words haunt and kill me?

  There's been no accident, but there could be.

  I'm tired of living like this – wondering.

  I love my family so and this life(aftermath of the cult) isn't really worth it, my freedom has cost me a self imprisonment of doubt and guilt and the dreadful saying “what if.”

  What I have done outside the cult isn't what I expected, nor care to continue.

  Trying to say......Being alone with my own thoughts and never getting answers as to why things are the way they are – gruelingly cruel to digest.

  Sick of being hurt, lied to, ignored and my feelings cast aside as if I never said anything at all. Sick of caring about those individuals. Wanting to hate them - wanting my life back, never to care or ponder of them again.

  Guess, I want a lot of things, but they were all simple really. Just caring words, a thoughtful hello, and a sorrowful “real” goodbye.

  Can't have everything, now can I?

  Alas, back to life.............
• 
  81

  What do you think fellow posters think of you?

  by JH in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i guess people think "photoshop" when they think of me.

  yep, i love that.. oh, they also must think i have a screw loose .

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  whyamihere

  Or, you could just share yours with me!

  Share? I don't share my pills. Ahhh, the lovely happy pills that make all the bad memories go away. Those wonderful little things make you forget that your having a bad day or whats his name....I think it starts with a J? Maybe not. Hahaha. Sucker! Brookie
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  81

  What do you think fellow posters think of you?

  by JH in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i guess people think "photoshop" when they think of me.

  yep, i love that.. oh, they also must think i have a screw loose .

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  whyamihere

  (or I need meds)
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  28

  Whoa...what's up with me? (thanks to my friends who have been calling, etc)

  by wanderlustguy in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  ok, this is a totally self serving thread, please excuse the me me me attitude this will have, but i have to vent, and this is the place i do it best.. i just got done starting research on eryn/eclispegate and realized i have been away for a bit.

  it's insane the scandals that go through this place.

  i can assure you i am real, and i hope those who know me would say i am as real in person as here.

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  whyamihere

  Donnie, as always, I'm here.

  You know that - whatever you need to get out, vent etc.... I'm here.

  Your Brookie