Jez

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Posts by Jez

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  26

  Things you find out when you go to a meeting...

  by JH in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i went to a meeting today.

  i found it very long.

  i talked to a brother that went to a meeting in the morning in his congregation, and decided to go to our meeting this afternoon also..... i talked to an elder who had a depression.

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  Jez

  We left church on Sunday, my husband and I were commenting how great it was, so peaceful, loving etc. We really enjoyed it...my husband says that he never felt that way coming out of a KH, that he felt agitated and angry. (he was/is a non-JW btw)...our daughter pips up from the back and says, "I was happy after the meetings at the KH." We are like "Wha?" She smiles and says, "I was happy that it was finally over."

  I think that pretty well sums up how the majority of JWs feel after a meeting.

  Jez
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  28

  Would you want to go back to that 'illusion and fantasy'?

  by Gill in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  hi all, and especially scoobysnax as i was just reading your post.. i saw a bit of the news yesterday and the archbishop of canterbury was giving a sermon.

  the newscaster said that he was warning about the world's obsession with youth.

  i'm not so sure that's what he was saying though.. he said, or words to this effect, that he felt pity for those who believed that they would never grow old, suffer illness and death in this life, and 'god help them' because of the illusion that they were living under.. i don't think he was talking about youth.

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  Jez

  Would any one want to go back to that?

  I've never thought of that. I can't undo what I know now. Knowledge has empowered me to live, look at life NOW, experience the wonderful world of worldly and ultimately, it will make my life experience broad, exciting and enriching rather than meaningless.

  Jez
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  124

  social retard

  by MerryMagdalene in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i finally figured out why i'm so socially retarded...it just hit me.. here i was sitting and wondering why i have such a hard time meeting new people, making friends, thinking of relevent things to say, and so on.

  it really is painful and scary for me.

  i was told who i could talk to, who i couldn't talk to, what i could say, what i couldn't say.

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  Jez

  One more thing: Alot of ppl have mentioned an inability to trust others. I know myself that I don't, and I have been thinking, in the shower, lol, that this may be due to a questioning of their true intentions in their dealings with us.

  Our backgrounds are full of hidden intents, converting ppl ("oh no, our intent is not to convert you, just to provide you with some bible knowledge"), talks addressed to the congregation, ("Some ppl may feel that it is ok to engage in worldly activities such as extreme sports" Was he talking about ME, but not to me?), decline of invites (have I been secretly 'marked'?), WT studies (all the biblical lead up to a chatising/correcting of a modern problem at the end of the article, my first action was to always turn to the end of the article to see what they were hinting at), shunning, (we do it because we love them, WHA? Reality=to shut them up from exposing truths) etc etc etc etc.....

  WE know what not trusting is all about because we were taught to carefully conceal OUR true intentions and perhaps we assume others that enter our lives are doing the same.

  Jez
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  124

  social retard

  by MerryMagdalene in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i finally figured out why i'm so socially retarded...it just hit me.. here i was sitting and wondering why i have such a hard time meeting new people, making friends, thinking of relevent things to say, and so on.

  it really is painful and scary for me.

  i was told who i could talk to, who i couldn't talk to, what i could say, what i couldn't say.

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  Jez

  The "not trusting anyone" comments are very enlightening. I too, don't trust ppl. I have mentioned on this board before my belief that we are truly alone in this world. That the only person you can 100% rely on is yourself. I have always attributed that feeling to the pain I felt in my first marriage, but perhaps it is more. I am going to think about that for a while.

  Ok, a little risk on my part, something I don't do...but here goes, all our lives we were told to go to the door, say our speech, try to place mags, books, get a RV, try to get a study etc. I have spend thousands of hours sitting in/at ppl's houses talking to them. TALKING TO THEM. TO THEM. AT THEM. Oh yes, we tricked them into thinking we actually cared about their opinions and thoughts but in reality, it was US that had the answers, US that had something worth saying and worth teaching. We allowed them to speak, but it was bait for the next thing that we had to say. We allowed them to have an opinion but had our 'toolbox' of answers to every single contraditions, different point of view, etc My worse fear in the whole world at those times was not being able to find the answer quick enough, I always assumed that it was THERE, any deficiency was mine. I assumed that everything I said was worth more than what they said. The poor saps never knew that did not stand a chance if they came up against me and my truth. I was conditioned to think that they were lost, looking, and blind even if they would not admit it. While I was the all-knowing mouthpiece for GOD himself...what arrogance! Now, between you and me, I am very aware of this and constantly work on trying not to have all the answers, try not to be too arrogant, try to actually listen and respect others differences. I am now way sensitive to people that do not respect differences, ideas, opinions of others. I was conditioned socially to always have the upper hand in conversations, always be ready with a come-back, (thanks 'reasoning from the scriptures), remember the 'conversation stoppers'?, how to refute them?

  "I have my own religion" "That is great that you show an interest in God, many people don't nowadays, have you ever considered what God's purpose is for the earth?"

  "I am not interested" "Is it Jehovah's Witnesses that you are not interested in, or religion in general?" OR "Would you be interested if I could tell you how you could live forever on earth?"

  I don't know if I can ever get that out of me. But I am aware of it, and maybe that is the first step. It is why sometimes I tell my wonderful loving understanding husband, "I don't want to be a JW, but I am afraid that I will never not be one." He just holds me while I cry.

  Jez
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  14

  Background Information

  by Carmel in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  many use their avatar as an indication of their personality.. how about your computer screen?

  what do you have for a background and does it make a statement about you?.

  i like to change mine every week or so.

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  Jez

  My computer screen rolls the Matrix

  Jez
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  124

  social retard

  by MerryMagdalene in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i finally figured out why i'm so socially retarded...it just hit me.. here i was sitting and wondering why i have such a hard time meeting new people, making friends, thinking of relevent things to say, and so on.

  it really is painful and scary for me.

  i was told who i could talk to, who i couldn't talk to, what i could say, what i couldn't say.

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  Jez

  I have carried this shallow, don't get too close to anyone, don't voice a strong opinion for fear of having it shot down because not everyone thinks the same as me attitude around for decades. It sucks and it's very lonely. It gets in the way of every relationship I have had. Fortunately, my husband has learned to draw me out, but not many have or ever will.

  Jeannie: I think you articulated perfectly how it feels to be an ex-witness socially. I never thought of it this way before.

  The "not everyone thinks the same as me attitude" is a very scary concept for me too. When I started taking university courses years ago, I realized for the first time why the org does not encourage it. Everyone debated, disagreed, agreed, agreed with some but not all, etc. Everyones essays were different, and MEANT to be that way! I kept waiting for someone to tell me the right answer, I kept looking for the right answer but one day, it hit me and I felt like such an innocent child. It was so....almost humiliating and terrifying at the same time to realize that I was so conditioned to someone telling me the answer or there being ONE answer. It's ok to have your own opinion. It is ok to respectfully discuss those opinions. It was such a breakthrough moment for me. From then on, I knew I would be extra sensitive to people TELLING me what to think, TELLING me how it was or is, or telling me who I am or should be. My jaw is firmly set now against that kind of thinking and I know that it creates an extreme opposite effect sometimes.

  Great comments from so many people!

  Jez
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  124

  social retard

  by MerryMagdalene in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i finally figured out why i'm so socially retarded...it just hit me.. here i was sitting and wondering why i have such a hard time meeting new people, making friends, thinking of relevent things to say, and so on.

  it really is painful and scary for me.

  i was told who i could talk to, who i couldn't talk to, what i could say, what i couldn't say.

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  Jez

  Does it make you feel superior that you were able to be a "master of social life" and be "bad-ass" and do a "few naughty things?"

  Your last post shows your true colors. Yes, it was elderette enough for me. It was spot on. I absolutely do not feel superior to anyone, but YOU on the other hand, obviously feel very superior to me to even THINK that you have a right to publically chastise me. How VERY cultish of you. I was riddled with guilt my whole teenage years and into my adult years. I was in constant conflict over who I knew I was 'suppose' to be and who I really was. I was a normal teenage girl going through normal teenage stuff and doing normal teenage stuff. You were and are obviously one of those self-righteous holier than thou kinds that love to bury people alive under a mountain of labels, false accusations and assumptions.
  

  We are talking about when I was a KID here! Do you even understand that?!

  You seem to take pride in the fact that you were and are so perfect?!??! It is like this crown of JW life that you refuse to let go. Just let it go! The pagent is over, you win, I win, all that left win.

  Cheers Jez
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  74

  Easter Egg Hunt!

  by Valis in

  1. social
  2. entertainment

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  the easter bunny has been hopping around the board with his basket....how many can you find?.

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  Jez
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  124

  social retard

  by MerryMagdalene in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i finally figured out why i'm so socially retarded...it just hit me.. here i was sitting and wondering why i have such a hard time meeting new people, making friends, thinking of relevent things to say, and so on.

  it really is painful and scary for me.

  i was told who i could talk to, who i couldn't talk to, what i could say, what i couldn't say.

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  Jez

  (Jez please do not take offense since I am listing this as a previous jw belief system. At this point, I'm glad that you found a work-around)

  Jeannie, I would never take offense at someone's personal experience. I have other issues from being a JW, (guilt used to be #1) but being socially retarded is not one of them. I always was a very outgoing person though. My personality was, and always has been, push the limits of what is acceptable. You know what, I did great being a JW as a kid and an adult. I had lots of "friends", normal social events, worldly friends, whatever. I considered myself a very balanced witness. I strongly believed that God would be the judge of people, not men and therefore did not deal on 'worldly' friends dying at Armageddon. I was very popular in the congregation and always was myself. I know no other way to be. I never was a hypocrite, (believing one thing and doing another) and you know what, to those ppl that NEED to be one, for whatever personal reason, it is not WRONG. It is survivial sometimes.

  Only when I was df'ed, did I start to see the truth for the load of crap it was/is. My df'ing shocked me into reality, for that I am eternally thankful. THEN I lost out, I lost all my friends and my social circle disappeared. How do you even begin to rebuild something that took a lifetime to build?

  More ramblings later....Jez
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  124

  social retard

  by MerryMagdalene in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i finally figured out why i'm so socially retarded...it just hit me.. here i was sitting and wondering why i have such a hard time meeting new people, making friends, thinking of relevent things to say, and so on.

  it really is painful and scary for me.

  i was told who i could talk to, who i couldn't talk to, what i could say, what i couldn't say.

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  Jez

  Well, shit happens and we all move on, right?

  That is what I should have said in my first post I guess. Yes, yes yes and yes to that. My entire point was not to devalue anyone's experience growing up a dub, rather to provide different experience, to encourage a moving forward and to not encourage a wallowing in it all, rather jump out of the shit fast and go get clean. Now you are my hero too. Jez