social retard

MerryMagdalene

I finally figured out why I'm so socially retarded...it just hit me.

Here I was sitting and wondering why I have such a hard time meeting new people, making friends, thinking of relevent things to say, and so on. It really is painful and scary for me. Then it occurred to me: growing up JW all my interactions were carefully scripted for me.

I was told who I could talk to, who I couldn't talk to, what I could say, what I couldn't say. I was directed in what to think, feel, and do. And if I messed up somebody corrected me.

Now I'm on the outside and I don't have a script, a director, marks, cues or anything. And IMPROV is HARD.

~Merry

Crumpet

Merrymags - what a spot on way to view this. I knew that being marked throughout my teens as well as not being at school and therefore never interacting with anyone as a JW had made me oddly retarded socially, but I never made the connection between how everything was scripted.

I find it very hard to talk to people - I come across as really stupid because without having time to prepare what I want to say I can't think that quickly. God I am embarrassed to admit this because I have just realised how weird it is but I still write down topics for conversation on a slip of paper to take with me if I have to go out and see friends. I even do this with my boyfriend and his parents!

hillbilly

Sucks bein' us dont it, babe? I wish I could tell you it gets better..it does and it takes a while.

(((((((((MM))))))))

~Hill

Jez

Ah come on..... I became a master of social life on the side as well as a JW. AND my youth is full of congregation get-togethers, huge camping out trips with other JW teens, dress up parties with teens, dancing with teens, people of all ages/color/status in life over for dinner every weekend, siblings, meeting ppl from all over at conventions, swimming in the pools at conventions, walking around outside at conventions with friends, school-life, worldly boyfriends, worldly friends, school sports, on and on....

I mean, how sheltered were you???? How many other people do you know had that kind of exposure to so many different situations/people or had such full weekends??? There was always something on the go, being planned or being remembered. I miss that about being a JW and that is the only thing I miss.

Could it be anything else that causes you to be a bit of a recluse? It is easy to blame everything on living the life of a JW, but it COULD be other reasons as well.

Jez

diamondblue1974

You are so right on point here. I think it is common especially if you have been brought up as a JW that you dont develop socially.

What exacerbates this is when stupid dub parents decide to home teach their kids...which means that the kids dont interact with others and only interact with other introverted kids. Ever been to a dub get together and everyone looks at each other and doesnt speak?!!! to vivid a memory for my liking to be honest.

DB

MerryMagdalene

Thank you, Crumpet and Hill for your responses. I'm both glad to know it isn't just me and sorry it isn't just me that was affected this way.

I'm going through some incredibly painful and difficult "growing up" processes as I begin reaching out to others and I'm almost 40.

But I'm alive and I can finally feel it and I love it, for all the pain and uncertainty.

~Merry

Crumpet

Jez - all I can say is lucky you! I genuinely can count on one hand the number of social times I went to from the age of 10 when I was removed from school to the age of 16 when I was disfellowshipped. Our congregation did not have regular get togethers in fact they were discouraged because unless mature elders were there we might get debauched. And perhaps if I knew anybody who wasnt a witness I could have had a life on the side but as it was my parents decided to home school me because they were afraid of the worldly influence, so I had no non JW friends either.

Dustin

I always had a very hard time socializing when I was a JW. The other witnesses treated me like crap, and the people outside the organization didn't understand me. My advice to you is to stop thinking about it so much, and to just go out. You seem like a really cool person. It takes a little time but suddenly you find new friends and social activities. Good luck. If I can do anything to help out PM me.

Dustin

Wild_Thing

You are spot on, Merry!!!! Folks like us that were raised in the org have a tendency toward social retardation. People who have never experienced it have a hard time understanding! You mean we can just go out and TALK to people?!? Gasp!

And if you were one of the many who were homeschooled as a witness, it only perpetuated the problem. JW kids should learn to interact with all kinds of people and they don't.

Crumpet

btw the Jez your comment upset me. I guess there had to be a first time on this board for me so I'm not going home to cry or anything...much...

Could it be anything else that causes you to be a bit of a recluse? It is easy to blame everything on living the life of a JW, but it COULD be other reasons as well.

Maybe you are right - maybe if I had been brought up in a loving family was allowed to go to school wasnt made to watch my every word and thought i would still have been a freak. I'll never know, but what I do know now is that I am growing much more confident and am starting to be able to speak my mind.

It sounds like you Jez had the not so unique experience of the well trained hypocrite, but some of us were sincere and tried to do everything right and when we didnt we owned up and were subsequently punished by being marked and shunned when we should have been learning to socialise. In saying this I am not criticising you at all - on the contrary I admire your duplicity and ability to do this without being crushed by your consicence. I just wasnt like that.

social retard

Share this