So sorry to hear about your Mother's passing, time truly does heal always remember the good times you had with her.
Don't be mad at me. I'm in part trying to get over being bitter about my upbringing....and the more I think about it, the more I feel it is something that should be left in my past, to be forgiven and for me not to make the same mistakes.
I for one don't judge you for the spiritual journey you are taking, we all have to come to our own conclusions and ones that we can live with for life to be congruent and meaningful to us. I wish you well in this journey and peace of mind.