Welcome Layla!
I find solace in coming to a place like this and venting and possibly reaching out to some of you who have been through some of the same things and have the same backgrounds.
That's what JWD is all about and I'm sure you'll have much to offer in the way of reaching out to others as well as being comforted now in your time of grief.
I am truly sorry for you loss, death does cause us to question all that we've been told about it. I hope you can reformulate your belief system about death as well as you've done with other JW doctrines and it brings you peace.