I will be around the following weekend too so let me know if anything gets planned and I shall be there!
Crumpet
JoinedPosts by Crumpet
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17
Dallas ApostaCrawfest 2008
by Elsewhere inbefore i start, please don't buy your airline tickets yet!
i haven't nailed down all of the technical details but i am targeting saturday may 3rd, 2008. .
the main thing i need to sort out is the location.
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Happy 8th Birthday JWD !
by Simon ini'm just sat working on a new version of the forum (to bring it more up-to-date and make it better for non-ie browsers) and notice the date on the first post of the backup database that i'm working against ... 23 march 2000.. i can't believe it's been 8 years !
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thank you to everyone who has participated over the years and helped keep this place alive to help others coming out of the wts.
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Crumpet
Thank you, Simon. This site very well might have saved my life.
JK
Ditto what JK666 said. If I hadn't found this site I'd have no hope at all for the future and would still be living each day like it was my last, crippled with guilt for not being able to live up to Jehovah's exacting standards and for hurting my family. My only regret is that I didnt find it sooner, but better late than never. Thank you for the site, keeping it running and thank you to all the people who contribute and shed light on a baffling world for me constantly.
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Scariest Movie you have ever seen?
by Layla33 ini know as exjws, probably for the most, there was a secret freedom in watching horror films without thinking you would have a demon as a bed buddy.. i am not very fond of every horror movie, but i will watch those that have an intelligent side to it and is not gore for the sake of gore.
like "the ring" got me going when i first watched it, just like "the blair witch project" did, which is more about suspense.
anyway, i never saw any of the saw movies, so i am going to try to watch saw iii tonight, since it is on showtime.
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Crumpet
Has to be the Omen series. A friend rented the first three out for me to keep me amused and fruitfully occupied whilst he was at work when I was 16. I was deliciously terrified.
The original Candyman movie that came out in 1992 was the scariest movie that I've ever seen. Just look in a mirror and say "Candyman" five times. The movie frightened my girlfriend so much that she had nightmares about it.
This has to be one of my favourite "first date" movie repasts.
Its not the gory ones that are the scariest for me - its ones that could conceivably happen. These two rate pretty highly for me:
The Beach
Hostel 1
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17
Dallas ApostaCrawfest 2008
by Elsewhere inbefore i start, please don't buy your airline tickets yet!
i haven't nailed down all of the technical details but i am targeting saturday may 3rd, 2008. .
the main thing i need to sort out is the location.
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Crumpet
i wasn't brave enough to nibble a crawfish last year, but am feeling braver this year. looking forward to seeing you all. Will be there 3rd May and plan to go to scarbough Renfest for the day so anyone who fancies hanging out and doing some champagne bellinis like last year is welcome to join me.
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Crumpet
I love this whole scene but this speech in particular. It reminds me a lot of the essence of every judicial committee and watchtower article and Jehovah in general:
"As your leader, I encourage you from time to time, and always in a respectful manner, to question my logic. If you're unconvinced a particular plan of action I've decided is the wisest, tell me so, but allow me to convince you and I promise you right here and now no subject will ever be taboo, except of course the subject that was just under discussion. The price you pay for bringing up either my Chinese or American heritage as a negative is - I collect your f****** head. Just like this f**** here. Now if any of you son's of bitches have anything else to say, NOW'S THE F****** TIME."
Lucy Liu aka O-Ren Ishii in Kill Bill
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34
Now I lay me down to sleep ...
by compound complex innow i lay me down to sleep,.
i pray the lord my soul to keep.. if i should die before i wake,.
i pray the lord my soul to take.. .
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Crumpet
Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
If I should die before I wake,
I pray the Lord my soul to take.When I was a little kid, that's what I prayed at bedtime.
Loubelle - this immediately made me think of the Metallica song - one of my faves of all time too.
When I was a kid, when I was a twenty something, and now I am 32 I still like to mosh to this around my living room.
I love the line - hush little baby, don't say a word, and never mind that noise you heard, its just the beast under your bed, in your closet in your head! (Gee-tar!!)
So if I pray at all its for understanding of the beast in my head, feeding it, depriving it, embracing it, rejecting it and again.
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On the futility of everything
by Qcmbr inonce again i'm in a philosophical mood: .
we spend our time in avoiding death as though the absence of being was our primary reason or motivator and yet our mere existence is clearly not fulfilling in and of itself (for a nightmare example ask yourself- would you rather die or live in a fully conscious state but be totally paralysed and unable to communicate.
if existence alone is not enough yet we will give almost anything to continue to exist what is it that we are actually aiming for?
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Crumpet
I just came across this in my studies and it seems applicable:
"As far we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light of meaning in the darkness of mere being."
C G Jung
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18
On the futility of everything
by Qcmbr inonce again i'm in a philosophical mood: .
we spend our time in avoiding death as though the absence of being was our primary reason or motivator and yet our mere existence is clearly not fulfilling in and of itself (for a nightmare example ask yourself- would you rather die or live in a fully conscious state but be totally paralysed and unable to communicate.
if existence alone is not enough yet we will give almost anything to continue to exist what is it that we are actually aiming for?
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Crumpet
Drawing back from such imponderables maybe we can find a perverse relief in pain/suffering/trials and our personal fall from any gardens of Eden that we may have believed in. Maybe the great wisdom passed on in the story of the forbidden apple is that only by failing to last forever can we truly be happy. Thanks Eve.
I found reading that quite stimulating. Thank you son of Eve.
I'd contend that not everyone spends every moment trying to stay alive. On the contrary I probably spend equal amounts of time sustaining my life as I do extinguishing it. For me it's curiosity that is an end in itself. I just like to know what happens next. But then we all know what curiosity did to the cat.
The tree of knowledge of good and bad is significantly more tempting as inducement to survival and continuance than the tree of life. I've never wanted to live forever, it was one reason that I considered prospects of paradise earth more hellish than paradisiac, even as a child. Existence for existence sake is pointless and futile and results in extinction of spirit, even whilst our progeny may survive and inherit that spiritless world.
However I do want to know, I want to learn, I want to understand. When there is nothing new to learn, no new perpsective for me to explore, no concept left to embrace or reject...then my curiosity will be sated and my apple will fall.
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Your opinion about Self Injury
by yumbby inas a life long self injurer i belong to a couple self help type groups.
one issue that keeps coming up over and over is everyone's dismay over peoples attitude toward them when they are discovered.
i try to help the young ones ignore peoples ignorant remarks but its difficult.
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Crumpet
I was speaking about the way I described it. Sometimes, it's really hard for me to admit to things, so I don't. I describe it in third party. It get's me 1 step closer to talking about it. But, when I saw that Crumpet was talking about herself, she gave me a bit of courage to just get out and just say it. Anyways, if you want my answer, well, I'll just copy and paste it...
Your mind is racing, like somebody pressed the fast-forward button on you. Then your heard is pounding and everything in your body feels like the blood is racing from one part of the body to the other. You curl up in a ball trying to make it stop and go away. You want to kill yourself because you can't breath and your in such a depressed state of mind that you feel like this huge weight is on you and you can't get it off. It's holding you down to the ground and you feel like you can't move.
Cutting makes that go away instantaneously.
Dear Cognanc
Well done for managing to admit it and your description is spot on.
I have managed to stop for the best part of a year once, i have to be in a really happy place for the most part and feel loved. Its not something I resort to daily or even weekly. It only happens when things are really bad and I feel I can't escape or just cope with my situation anymore.
I wish heartfelt improvement to all who battle with this to find a place of safety and peace with themseves so they can find healthy coping mechanisms to deal with these issues, including myself.
crumpet x
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Your opinion about Self Injury
by yumbby inas a life long self injurer i belong to a couple self help type groups.
one issue that keeps coming up over and over is everyone's dismay over peoples attitude toward them when they are discovered.
i try to help the young ones ignore peoples ignorant remarks but its difficult.
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Crumpet
Tatiana, it made me well up when you said your niece did that too. I think my mother spotted me a couple of times and would slap me. Somtimes I'd get taken outside for a smack. By the time I was 7 or 8 I would do anything to get smacked pretty much - I turned it in my head into something I enjoyed. My parents didn't work this one out until I was going on 12 though.
Mae - there is definitely that aspect - the awful void of emptiness. When people say things to you which under other circumstances would make you feel, you'd respond, you'd feel human - there is a great numbness, nothing reaches you. You want it to so badly but you simply cannot feel a thing, so you cut partly in punishment for being such an alien and partly just to feel something, anything.
I think that alcohol and drugs can definitely exacerbate the propensity to self harm. I believe the reason for this is that the two reduce your natural ability to feel and actually trigger the symptoms.