Posts by Thegoodgirl

35

control

by John Doe in

jw
friends

firt of all, a bit of background.

i'm 26 years old, am a math major/english minor senior on a full scholarhip in college, was raised as one of jehovah's witnesses, babtized when i was 18, left at ~ 22/23, am now agnostic/deist/confused.

i was raised on a farm in a witness family.

Thegoodgirl

I didn't read the other replies, but want to say Welcome, and hope you read more. I too didn't hate the Witnesses when I first got out, but as I have been out for about 5 years now (I'm your age), I am starting to get more negative. Also, keep in mind your experience with the JWs themselves sounds positive, others have had horrible experiences with JWs.

So sorry about your recent troubles. Its hard when family member has permenant change in mental status, my sister did too, and it is such a stress, has changed the family forever. Glad you're back in school.

So I think just keep in mind that you are right for appreciating the loving people you were surrounded with in your childhood and youth. But it's too bad that these rules/The Society has had such an invasive effect on the minds of otherwise good and sincere people. I think individual witnesses are just like everyone: some sincere, some not so nice. But when they get something in their head, for example to shun someone like yourself who may need help and support, they turn into something that they wouldn't have normally been.

50

How did you react when you left WTS?

by ljwtiamb in

i'm interested in your first rebellious act after 'getting out': homosexual sexadultery / fornicationklink your champange glass in a toastgrow a beardcurse (the really good words!

)go to churchdrugssmokingholidays / birthdaysoral / anal sex (with or without mate)blood transfusionfield service without filling out not-at-home slipsother (explain).

are you still involved?

Thegoodgirl

Since I'm still considered "inactive", my leaving was really the day I moved out from Mom's and went to college. But by the end of the week, I had gone to a club and had two and a half drinks all in one night! Two months later fornication, and many more drinks in one night. I also cuss like a sailor now, when I'm mad.

66

How do you know when your spouse is cheating on you?

by Thegoodgirl in

okay, i know this is personal, but i kind of like the annoninimity of the board versus asking my friends who are all also friends with my husband.. my husband went out of the country with a group from work this weekend.

i was supposed to go but had to cancel due to other stuff.

it turned out only 4 ended up going, my husband, a guy, and two women.

Thegoodgirl

Well, he came home last night and I made him sit down and re-explain everything face-to-face, and I tell you, I really believe he is innocent. Crumpet, you said what I was trying to get at about all the chaperone rules that we used to have, etc. But it's still of course inappropriate to do certain things, like sleep in the same hotel room, etc. (Hope things work out with your man.) At any rate, always good to not be too naive. Thank you all so much, this past weekend was so stressful for me and one of the worst, I was so glad to have some other people to bounce ideas off of. I'm often "lurking", but I'm going to start posting more, cause you guys are real nice! ((((A hug back to you all.))))

56

How do you think you will handle your own death? . . . . . [language alert]

by nicolaou in

i know it's not the lightest of topics but the current news coverage of the pope's final hours made me wonder if i'd face things as calmly as he is reported to be doing.

i don't have his faith, or any faith anymore, but i can see how for a true believer that would be a source of strength.. the thing is, a lot of us thought we'd never die.

do you really comprehend what a truly massive mind-fuck that is?

Thegoodgirl

I totally agree that it messed us up being told we will never die. When I first got out, I was frantic that any day wasted or bad decision was just burning up time in this suddenly very short lifespan of mine. (And I was right.) But you just can't think about it.

I work in an ICU and see quite a few people die. Usually they aren't aware of what's going on by that point. But if they are, it's just their family and friends they care/talk about, never money, etc. My grandfather died last week, and Grandma said the nurses rushed her into the room because he was going, and she squeezed his hand, and he squeezed back. Then he died. I just think that is the sweetest thing, and I hope that's the way I die.

19

who here has gay children?

by gotcha in

...is it ok?

did you try to stop them?

(please consider coming from a very conservative background/culture)..relatives/friends talking about it, possible trauma which may be caused by society's discrimination...

Thegoodgirl

My uncle is openly gay and has been for 26 years. Last year I was telling him the long story of how I had to so delicately let my mom know I didn't want to be a Witness anymore, and he said it sounded exactly like when he had to come out of the closet to his parents. I hear that Grandpa didn't accept it for about 4 years, and Grandpa felt guilty, etc. Grandma called his old girlfriends to ask what had happened between them. But I know that now, his partner is totally accepted into the family, he's like an uncle to me, and though Grandpa was always sort of uncomfortable with talking about art, theater, etc to him, Grandpa wholeheartedly accepted he and his partner.

I think my brother-in-law (husbands brother) is definetly gay, but he is in his 40s and has not told the family. They seem oblivious to it, like its never crossed their minds. He's really really depressed, and his parents think he just "needs to marry a nice girl." I don't think that is the problem at all. Anyway, I think it's better to come out and tell your family, but of course it depends on the family, etc. As for the parents, they should just accept it, of course, but I'm sure it's hard.

66

How do you know when your spouse is cheating on you?

by Thegoodgirl in

okay, i know this is personal, but i kind of like the annoninimity of the board versus asking my friends who are all also friends with my husband.. my husband went out of the country with a group from work this weekend.

i was supposed to go but had to cancel due to other stuff.

it turned out only 4 ended up going, my husband, a guy, and two women.

Thegoodgirl

Well, I really appreciate everyone. I kind of asked one of our mutual friends who has seen him at outings, etc when I haven't been there and she knows all people involved. She says the story really does seem likely and that she has never seen him act like a cheating husband in any way. So I'm sort of glad I got a fuller story, and do feel better about it. But like lots of you said, it is a red flag and I do need to keep my eyes open. But I sort of beleive him, and like FunkyDerek said, I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt right now. (But I will cut his balls off if any of it is not innocent.)

46

i told my mother that i do not desire to be associated with jws anymore and

by drunkenpikachu in

she totally flipped out.

all i was trying to do was find some mutual respect for my decision but she started smacking, punching, pushing me.

soon after, she threw the biggest tantrum and it disgusted me to see her acting in such a manner.

Thegoodgirl

So sorry you had to go through this. Like everyone said, it's not you it's her/them. MOve on and things will start to normalize.

66

How do you know when your spouse is cheating on you?

by Thegoodgirl in

okay, i know this is personal, but i kind of like the annoninimity of the board versus asking my friends who are all also friends with my husband.. my husband went out of the country with a group from work this weekend.

i was supposed to go but had to cancel due to other stuff.

it turned out only 4 ended up going, my husband, a guy, and two women.

Thegoodgirl

I was thinking maybe the hotel has a roster of all people in the room, so I called the hotel two more times (this is getting very expensive) and asked for each of the girls, and each time, they sent my call back to a room. So I was wrong, the guys may not have each gotten a room in their name just because the hotel knew their names at the front desk, because the hotel in fact knew everyone's names.

But you guys are right. Even if it was innocent, it was rude of him to do something that would look like they were a couple, or even to act like he was in college and it's cool to share a hotel room with another girl like you're friends. When you're married, it's just different rules. He called about an hour ago to say that his guy friend feels really bad. I told my husband he is the one who should feel bad, and tried not to be too nice. Husband said that tonight either guy friend will have to stay with husband or husband is getting another room. I was like, dang right you're getting another room. Anyway, thanks again.

66

How do you know when your spouse is cheating on you?

by Thegoodgirl in

okay, i know this is personal, but i kind of like the annoninimity of the board versus asking my friends who are all also friends with my husband.. my husband went out of the country with a group from work this weekend.

i was supposed to go but had to cancel due to other stuff.

it turned out only 4 ended up going, my husband, a guy, and two women.

Thegoodgirl

Okay, Nancy Drake, I did what you said, and called the hotel, asked what kind of bed in his (my husband's) room. Thankfully it's 2 single beds. The only odd thing is that I asked for my husband's room, they can put me through. I asked for the other man's name, and they send me through to a room. Wouldn't they only have one of the guys' names on a room if the original plan was to have both guys stay in one room? I don't know how these hotel things work. Hope this makes sense, I am physically shaking.

66

How do you know when your spouse is cheating on you?

by Thegoodgirl in

okay, i know this is personal, but i kind of like the annoninimity of the board versus asking my friends who are all also friends with my husband.. my husband went out of the country with a group from work this weekend.

i was supposed to go but had to cancel due to other stuff.

it turned out only 4 ended up going, my husband, a guy, and two women.

Thegoodgirl

One more piece of information. He was telling me before the trip that he suspected "other guy and other girl" had something going on and he was reluctant to go because he thought whole situation would be awkward if the other couple admitted it. I said yeah, it will be, but I didn't want him to miss out on the trip just because of me, so I encouraged him to just go (as did the girl who slept in his room, and she was encouraging him after she knew I wasn't coming.)

As for the JW portion, I was raised JW and baptized, now I'm inactive for 5 years. (Husband has no JW background, is agnostic/atheist.) I just sometimes think that the "No platonic relationships" rule that we had as JWs seeps into my thinking, so I'm always aware of it and try not to be too paranoid when he's friends with girls at work.

SixO'Nine, what do you mean a test?

Again, thanks for the straightforward opinions, it helps to think through all angles, and as FMZ said, it may have been just a really stupid but innocent decision on his part.