JT,
I would recommend never faking your service, first and foremost. If you succumb to that you are going to feel like crap constantly and you will know in your heart of hearts that while those around you are satisfied with your efforts to please them, the one whom you most want to please is not amused. You think you have a standard to live up to? Great. Make sure it is really your standard, otherwise your sacrifices are lame and you and I both know how Jehovah feels about lame sacrifices.
I'm not encouraging you to leave, mind you. I'm encouraging you to solidify your faith. Faith is not empty belief, it is both assured and there is evidence of its basis. But there is only one person who can solidify your faith - you.
There is, however, one other question you would need to consider. Do you want to serve Jehovah? Most people try to rationalize their answer by thinking through what sort of God he is and arriving at, "Who wouldn't?" But if you sincerely ask yourself that question, the answer to that question just might be, "Well, me for one." Here's a drop of knowledge that the WTBTS has printed many times - although to say they stress it would be a grand exaggeration - anyone can choose to serve Jehovah, but no one will ever achieve that goal without building a close personal relationship with Jehovah. The effort is too great for some, they would really rather not.
I would guess that the elders in your hall would not be surprised at all that you need their help... <sigh> ...again. Is it possible that you have been building a close relationship with your elder body instead of - as opposed to along with - a close relationship with Jehovah? You certainly wouldn't be the first person to have done so. I'm sure your elders are knowledgable about the scriptures and capable men in many respects, you likely love them for several reasons, but one thing I am often amazed by is that people expect the elders to somehow magically impart a relationship with Jehovah on them.
For my part, and I'm only a publisher in my congregation, my relationship with Jehovah is - and always will be - mine. Maybe letting Jehovah direct your steps will give you a bit more stability. You need not think, "I know so much, so there is no excuse for my doing so little." Knowledge alone does not motivate to action. The only proper motive for action that will serve in any way to build a relationship with Jehovah is an appreciative heart moved by love. Work on developing that relationship and you may find that eventually the elders will be surprised if you need their help at all.
Warm Christian Love,
B_Ing Invisible