It's like talking to the wind. Deprogramming takes a very long time and has to be done very carefully. If you read stories on this site, you will see how heartwrenching it is - and it doesn't always work. His story about you not being accepted is pretty sad - the fact is that he (as you already noted) wants to appear to be doing the 'right' thing in order to get back in. I don't advise being vindictive but that small voice of mischief in the back of my head tells me that should you go to a meeting with him in your pregnant state, unmarried and living with him - to his regular congregation - it will tarnish his reputation. Now - the sad part is that you not being a JW and if he comes from a zealous family, they will see his dalliance with you as just a 'weakness' and support his efforts to get back in. Your child will most likely not be welcomed into the family unless it is raised a witness. (My MIL has 5 grandchildren - 2 are not JW's and she has no relationship with them). The man is playing games - force his hand. On the flip side - maybe you should ask him what it would take for him to stop going to the Kingdom Hall. Remind him that he will pay child support but be warned - he may try to go for joint custody and try to force the religion on the child. sammieswife.
sammielee24
JoinedPosts by sammielee24
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19
Non JW dating a DF JW
by ea1974 inhello..im new to this site and am really lost.
my bf of 3 years has been raised a jw.
he was married for 7 years and during this separation, was disfellowshipped.
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New addition to the family!
by Bryan init is christmas after all!.
welcome "belle"!.
belle & sebastien.. .
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sammielee24
I'm so envious of you all - the pictures are wonderful! Maybe everyone could post their pet pics...sammieswife.
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Non JW dating a DF JW
by ea1974 inhello..im new to this site and am really lost.
my bf of 3 years has been raised a jw.
he was married for 7 years and during this separation, was disfellowshipped.
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sammielee24
Geez Sad ....I feel for you. You're in a tough situation. This is my own advice based on my own experiences with the religion - first, I would never raise my child as a JW because I see it as a form of child abuse. JW children are taught to believe that everyone not in the religion are going to die at any time - and that includes anyone in their family including their parents. They are taught to shun completely and love only on condition that your faith is the same as theirs. They will be discouraged or not allowed (depending on the strength of the family) to engage in sports or other activites, salute the flag, vote, mix with other non JW children, disassociate from non JW relatives, to attend college or university, forsake normal things like kiddie cartoons on a Saturday morning and forgo all festivities such as birthdays, christmas, the Easter Bunny and so on. A child raised as a JW is brainwashed from such a young age that when they get out the emotional damage is complete.
As for the separation without divorce, thats not too unusual. While you might see divorce as only a legality - people separate and move on - JW's view a divorce as wether or not it is scriptural with little regard to the legality. They have little choice but to accept the legal action but can choose not to view it as a scriptural action and people are more often than not shunned for that. Your bf is still going to meetings - I'm surprised he hasn't pressured you into attending as well. Does anyone know about you? I guess the bottom line is that if he is still going to meetings, hasn't set out to get divorced and wavers between you two - I would bet he will not remain loyal to you. I could be wrong, but it seems that his loyalty still lies within the society and if thats the case, you will not come first - ever. I'm sorry for your predicament but unless he stops going to meetings, files for divorce and is able to move on, I tend to think that sooner or later you will be the odd one out. This is a religion that is considered a high mind control group by some - a cult by others - either way you are on the outside. Good luck. sammieswife.
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Pep talk needed...
by esw1966 ini have been nervous about this for 6 months and now the time has come.
my kids are coming by plane to see me on the 25 of dec to jan 3. they are good little jw's.
i am no longer a follower of jw.. i havn't been with them for 2 years.
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sammielee24
Let the respect, confidence and love for yourself and them shine through. Forget about everyone else. What matters is your relationship with them. If you are confident in your decisions and actions - they will see that. If you have respect for yourself and for them - they will see that. If you love them - they will feel that. When I hear of people working themselves up into a lather about what to do around their JW kids it drives me insane. There are millions of kids split between two cultures/religions that are absolutely fine and they don't get that way by accident. They get that way by learning to accept, respect and learn about our differences and that comes from being in a well adjusted, respectful and loving household. Hold you head up high, hug them, have a lot of laughs, listen to some wonderful music or watch a great family show - read a warm and fuzzy book, expose them to this world of beauty - you'll do great! Have a wonderful Christmas, get pictures and create memories! sammieswife.
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If you own a big dog....merry Christmas from the neighbors!
by restrangled inat 8:30 this morning someone was banging at our front door, figured it was jw's.. there stood a large man with a clip board and i thought to myself, are they still delivering the tracts?
i opened the door ready to give him hell.
low and behold its a county employee telling me a neighbor reported that one of my dogs was roaming loose yesterday.. my dogs have never been loose, don't sit outside barking and i keep the back yard as clean as possible so no odors are wafting about for my neighbors.
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sammielee24
Sorry for all your troubles...I agree with the new policy some vets have around vaccinations. My cat was 17 when she passed on and I only got her vaccinated one time - when she was spayed. She was strictly an inside cat and very healthy except for one time when she had a hairball. My dogs I had kept up to date because they were at the vets more often and outside. I feel for you though - you obviously love your pets and thank goodness for people like you. Give them a hug for us...and have a merry christmas! sammieswife.
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What can you do with a heroin addict?
by katiekitten inor more to the point, what can you do with your cousin who is in love with a heroin addict, lives with him, has a child to him, is regularly beaten by him to the point that she went into a womens refuge last year, and supports him with all her income because she is the breadwinner.. sigh.. i just got in touch with my cousins again after several years, and i find out my beautiful cousin has been brutalised by this fuckwit for years.
but until she is ready to see hes ruining her life nobody can do anything to help her.. the whole family has given up on saying anything because she always goes back to him.
she loves him.
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sammielee24
Sooner or later it will catch up to her - one way or another. If he is violent then the outcome might not be good. My only concern would be for the child she has. I've seen what addiction does - crack, alcohol - doesn't matter which one - an addict will take and take and take from you until you cut it off. You can steer them toward help, guide them, beg, plead, cry and threaten but until they are serious about taking responsibility for their lives, there is nothing you can do. Financially supporting an addict gives them a means to continue their habit. sammieswife.
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Five Mistakes women make in relationships
by Wendy_Warden inokay guys, this is for you.
in your personal opinon what are the five mistakes women make in relationships?
i know everyone is going to have a different answer but i'd like to see if there's a tread throughout.
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sammielee24
Not demanding that the man take equal responsibility for the success of the relationship.
2. Not setting firm boundaries on what is and is not acceptable behavior.
3. Getting too far into a relationship without getting a background check and credit report.
I would change #3 to read - getting too far into a relationship without taking action if #1 and #2 are not being met. Religion and other people often pressure couples to remain together no matter the cost, but in the end if both aren't willing to take responsibility for behaviour and change that if necessary, then it there should be no couple.
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Another Deposition with Watchtower Attorneys
by Amazing inwell folks, ever since the end of 1999, when the issue of child abuse among jws was raised, things seemed to have moved slowly ... at least too slowly for those who need and want to see justice done for the vctims.
in 2000, bill bowen, who was teaming up with those of us already working on the topic, finally emerged in public to start silentlambs, and brought in nbc dateline, etc.
for much welcome attention.
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sammielee24
Thanks so much to all of you for your hard work and determination. I only hope that the issues and/or trials and/or settlements recieve some sort of media attention much like the Catholic ones did. In that way, perhaps, just perhaps, those parents or people who have some small smidgeon of doubt about the Society will step back, take a long hard look at their organization, do some research and leave. Thanks for posting this Jim......................sammieswife.
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Monday, Dec. 18th -- Happy Birthday, Ian (Dansk) !!!!
by Alleymom init's after midnight in england, so ..... happy birthday, ian !!!!!!!.
love and best wishes for the upcoming year!.
marjorie and jim .
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sammielee24
Happy Birthday IanEnjoy!
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Paul the Mythmaker
by sammielee24 inhas anyone read paul the mythmaker?
only if you believe paul was 'inspired' will you believe what he has written.
this is a very good book to read as you do your own research into how the bible was written - that and the gnostic writings.
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sammielee24
makes for some fun conversation as one is munching the traditional ham or turkey with the family at Christmas dinner.
And that is to me what it's all about - communication. I thought the article was well rounded and entirely non offensive. If people would only realize that it's okay to converse about 'what if'..and 'how about'..question the writings, show some skepticism, allow a different opinion to open up discussion - if they would only recognize that such conversations cannot endanger strong spirituality they could embrace the knowledge. If upon reflection, those people run in fear away from these conversations, from whom are they running? They should ask themselves that. sammieswife.