I am sorry for your broken family- I hope the rules change and you can speak to him again soon. I suspect that doubts already existed in your subconscious mind. In the end when we all have to account for our life before G-d the only thing that matters is that we believed and followed what our personal life experience told us was true- not what a group of isolated elderly men have hammered into your mind with that constant barrage of 5 meetings each week. Take a 30 day sabbatical from meetings - a vacation,if you will. When you come back it will all be clear to you.
peace,
Moshe