More so than other children, their main security comes from winning the approval of their parents. They find that to win this approval they must do whatever the Society and their parents tell them will win Jehovah God’s approval. I was told, by my own parents that if I ever left the religion they would never talk to me again. If I were to ever marry outside the religion the same penalty would apply. Although these threats are not always carried out, the Witness child grows up believing that the continuation of their whole world depends upon gaining their parents approval.
In addition to this pressure to conform, is the threat that God himself will kill the child, if he or she should go against their parent’s wishes. The child is also puzzled by the parent’s willingness to lose them in this way and often concludes that the parents do not love him or her. How can they threaten a child they love in this way, or say that the God they love may kill their child? As a child I concluded that I meant very little to my parents. Not all Witness parents act in this way. Those that do, say that they are practising a form of principled love for the child. Unfortunately children do not interpret threats of his kind as love. Nor as far as I know do most adults.
This describes my rememberings perfectly. And that damaged me personally much more than doctrin ever did. Looking back on my upbringing I can see nowadays what I missed most and what caused the biggest damage to me: It was me striving for but never getting my parents unconditional love. Never ever! I felt like they never even saw who I really was. They never knew the real me. That made me feel overlooked (not the body but the personality) and therefore worthless. Interesting: Even then I instinctively knew something went wrong here although I was to young to give it a name.
So I'd say, simply show your children that you love them unconditionally. Pay attention, spend quality time with them as often as possible, talk a lot with them, listen carefully to what they want to tell you. Share their experiences as much as you can. Be strong for them when they need your help. And assist them in discovering and boosting their strengths wherever you discover them (make sure you find out about them). Just be as close as you can be.
And be sure, they will feel the difference. To them you will be a bright light in a strange darkness even if can't vokalize it. Children aren't stupid. They can read betweet the lines pretty well. So make sure you are there for them. That's all they need. They don't need money or new stuff all the time. They need to be loved unconditionally.
I also agree with the posters who adviced to teach them independent thinking. Developing independent thinking is indispensible.
Love, Debbie