Posts by DHL

14

the credit rank and file are prepared to give to them...

by chelsea in

my mother once found a man's wallet and returned it to him.

she said "i am a jehovah's witness and we are honest people, that's why i am returning this to you.

" when i told her that i would return his wallet also and i am the antithesis of a jehovah's witness, and that i was disgusted that she would give them credit for her own decent nature, she just carried on about how he would be more likely to listen next time they knocked at his door... i found it repulsive that an act of nothing more than decent behaviour (where one treats another as they would like to be treated) was made out to be something exceptional... and that my mother used the occasion to laud the wtbts... good grief!!!!!!!!!

DHL

Growing up with JWs I heard stuff like that all the time, too. As a teenager I remember to have always felt embarrassed hearing JWs saying such things to or about others and I always felt it was highly inappropriate and abhorrent.

Unfortunately I must also remember being a 10-year-old preaching to people 3 or 4 times my age at doors and thinking to myself how much more intelligent I was than this wordly people who - as I felt - really didn't seem to have a clue about any of the really important things. And I felt so incredibly proud to be able to teach this folks. I was always sure they would be very thankful for my loving help! Of course, they weren't! But that didn't stop me. Instead I became even more zealous.

Debbie

48

Your opinion on my really important question, please.

by jambon1 in

jw
friends

does a jw upbringing simply confuse a child or is it really damaging?.

i have no doubt that a jw child is, at least, confused with life.

in my own case my wife brings up my 2 children (aged 5 & 2) as jw`s.

DHL

More so than other children, their main security comes from winning the approval of their parents. They find that to win this approval they must do whatever the Society and their parents tell them will win Jehovah God’s approval. I was told, by my own parents that if I ever left the religion they would never talk to me again. If I were to ever marry outside the religion the same penalty would apply. Although these threats are not always carried out, the Witness child grows up believing that the continuation of their whole world depends upon gaining their parents approval.
In addition to this pressure to conform, is the threat that God himself will kill the child, if he or she should go against their parent’s wishes. The child is also puzzled by the parent’s willingness to lose them in this way and often concludes that the parents do not love him or her. How can they threaten a child they love in this way, or say that the God they love may kill their child? As a child I concluded that I meant very little to my parents. Not all Witness parents act in this way. Those that do, say that they are practising a form of principled love for the child. Unfortunately children do not interpret threats of his kind as love. Nor as far as I know do most adults.

This describes my rememberings perfectly. And that damaged me personally much more than doctrin ever did. Looking back on my upbringing I can see nowadays what I missed most and what caused the biggest damage to me: It was me striving for but never getting my parents unconditional love. Never ever! I felt like they never even saw who I really was. They never knew the real me. That made me feel overlooked (not the body but the personality) and therefore worthless. Interesting: Even then I instinctively knew something went wrong here although I was to young to give it a name.

So I'd say, simply show your children that you love them unconditionally. Pay attention, spend quality time with them as often as possible, talk a lot with them, listen carefully to what they want to tell you. Share their experiences as much as you can. Be strong for them when they need your help. And assist them in discovering and boosting their strengths wherever you discover them (make sure you find out about them). Just be as close as you can be.

And be sure, they will feel the difference. To them you will be a bright light in a strange darkness even if can't vokalize it. Children aren't stupid. They can read betweet the lines pretty well. So make sure you are there for them. That's all they need. They don't need money or new stuff all the time. They need to be loved unconditionally.

Have not been writing for some time, sometimes reading though - wanted to give my 2 ct. because I was asking myself this question, too, about my aging parents who have been JWs all their life.

My conclusion: I decided I don't want to rip their life apart. They built everything on this belief. Every little decision in their whole life. In fact this is their life. If I pulled - or tried to pull - their belief away from under them, they would lose the basis of their life. I can't imagine they would be very happy to realise at this late point in their life, that they believed a lie all their lifetime. How would it make them feel? How would drawing such a balance of their life make them feel? It could possibly even kill them literally, as it would put them in an emotional turmoil that could be fatal as both are having health (heart) problems. Sure, it's also possible they would simply thank me for opening their eyes but honestly I doubt that.

So, to me it's sort of a labour of love to keep my mouth shut and let them believe as they wish. Live and let live, so to speak.

Sure, I don't prospect from such a decision, but they surely do.

I definitely have a different perspective if the person in question is much younger or just about to get into it. Totally different situation. So in the mentioned situation I would give anything I could to make them see the "truth" for what it really is. But as it already has been stated: I would recommend to try to reach all of them.Sort of bombarding the whole family from different sides/people.

Love, Debbie

26

Can you let go?

by whyamihere in

jw
friends

as i was sitting in a restaurant with my friend briana(ex-jw), we started talking about how we see other ex-jw's inability to let go.

i know many have suffered and endured horrific events or trials as jw's, which i assume it would be hard to let go.

though, do we really have the ability to let go lead a normal life with not thinking twice or having fear in our actions?.

DHL

Emotions can - as some already stated - be the true reason why moving on is so difficult.

Look at me: I'm completely done with the doctrin since long but I haven't yet moved on when it comes to my JW-parents. And you know why: My real problem isn't my JW-past. My real problem is my low self esteem. Sure, it was installed in me during childhood as a result of my parents being part of this org. But this can't - and shouldn't - work as an excuse. Emotional pain can make for a question like "Why don't they love me the way they should, why don't they behave like I want them to? I had to learn that that's the wrong question. Instead I have to ask myself: "Who do I love the most, who is the most important person to me in the world?" As long as I can't honestly answer "ME" and live it, I'll be in trouble.

So to me personally moving on means building up self esteem. No problem, one could say, but you can't buy self esteem at the grocery store. It's more like attending the gym regularly, learning how to work out and then patiently building it up over time. I know by now that there will definitely come a time in which I'll be able to tell my parents "goodbye" and feel fine with it. And it is then that I will have finished moving on from my past. After that there will only be remembrances but they won't have the power to hurt me anymore.

15

The quantum of cruelty - were they that way without the JW?

by james_woods in

jw
friends

this idea came about after reading several very disturbing but sincere personal "issue" threads over the last few days...but i am going to blame blondie for galvanizing the idea!

she wrote - (in the topic "would a devout jw go to a df funeral?

i think there are some very cruel people who love to use the wts policies to deliberately hurt family members, perhaps to make themselves seem more holy in god's sight or more likely in the sight of other jws.. my conjecture is this: perhaps there is something going on with the jw culture which actually attracts really mean people to this religion.

DHL

My conjecture is this: perhaps there is something going on with the JW culture which actually attracts really mean people to this religion.

I would like to add something: Restrictive religions attract people with low self esteem. Such people don't believe they are making good decisions themselves but want to be told what to do. So on one hand they love to be controlled. But every medal has two sides to it. So they want power, too. And for people with low self esteem the only way to feel powerful is to debase others. Kiss the butt of the ones you think are above you and kick the ones you think are below you.

30

Botox at 25 years old????

by whyamihere in

jw
friends

here i am 25, going on 26(birthday is on july 12th) and i am thinking about getting botox.

i have been using anti-wrinkle lotions since i was 16. i take care of my skin daily, kind of a freak when it comes to my skin.

anyway, i have found my answer.

DHL

LOL @ SixofNine

Yeah you're going to look like boiled sausage. And when you stay even longer you're going to look like beautiful black boot polish. And Michael Jackson already showed us how to do it the other way around!