Posts by Check_Your

9

Born in, Faded, want to date but......

by SearchingForMe in

born a dub.

never dated while in because i "wasn't ready for marriage", haven't dated since fade because i really don't want to burden my girlfriend with the bull@#% of dating me while i still have to put up a facade of being "just inactive" to my family so they won't shun me.. this sucks.

i want to be happy.

Check_Your_Premises

Searching,

I was curious about something, are you describing yourself as a fader because you are breaking one of the soceities rules; you are dating a non-jw?

Or do you consider yourself a fader because you really don't agree with it and don't think the WT is God's organization?

It does make a difference, becuase if you still believe in the WT, there might be a chance you would go back. Your GF needs to know if that is the case. That kind of omission would simply NOT be right.

But if you really don't agree with it, I think you have to follow your conscience. You can't sacrifice your right to think for yourself to keep your family happy. Easy to say...

You are going to have to build a circle of friends and create your own life, so that when they do find out you have some sources of comfort.

Hang in there. Everyone here is pulling for you.

CYP

20

The Prodigal Unbelieving Mate Returns

by Check_Your_Premises in

hey all.. a few of you might remember me.

i showed up on a similar board a few years back because my wife was getting baptized.. it was a difficult time but i was able to work through it with a lot of prayer and help from a lot of smart folks here.. my wife has since left the organization, and the wt has faded into a tiny speck in our rearview mirror that we rarely talk about.. i have enjoyed being free from the watchtower driven life for awhile, and frankly i really needed it, but i also know that alot of people aren't so lucky.

insomnia and a sense of duty has compelled me to wander back in here.

Check_Your_Premises

Jeff, I have noticed once I resolved most of the jw issues, my insomnia got quite a bit better.... apparantly stress related. Whodathunkit!!!

Now I just have problems on Mondays because my sleep gets disrupted on the weekend. I take half a "Simply Sleep" on Sunday night, and I am usually cool all week.

CYP

20

The Prodigal Unbelieving Mate Returns

by Check_Your_Premises in

hey all.. a few of you might remember me.

i showed up on a similar board a few years back because my wife was getting baptized.. it was a difficult time but i was able to work through it with a lot of prayer and help from a lot of smart folks here.. my wife has since left the organization, and the wt has faded into a tiny speck in our rearview mirror that we rarely talk about.. i have enjoyed being free from the watchtower driven life for awhile, and frankly i really needed it, but i also know that alot of people aren't so lucky.

insomnia and a sense of duty has compelled me to wander back in here.

Check_Your_Premises

"Did your time here [JWD at the time] assist you in the matter of nudging her out of the organization?"

I think it helped me understand the situation, and get up to speed very quickly before I started freaking out. I think initially, the shock of it all tends to cause the unsuspecting ubm to over estimate the threat.

In some ways I think hearing alot of people's worst case scenarios made me more frightened than I needed to be. For example I found out that it is quite common for the wife of a ubm to look for a way out so she can marry a dub. That wasn't the case for me. After awhile I realized that my wife still loved me, and was very dedicated to our marriage.

Nevertheless, the benefits it had on my psyche were invaluable. Just knowing that there were people who understood the org, but weren't dubs, was just invaluable to me. Any situation I brought up, they immediately understood. No civilian ever did. It just all sounded so wierd to them.

JWD did help me get organized in terms of the relevant issues regarding the society. So much of the stuff out there really lives up to the billing that jw give apostate material. hysterical, over-the-top... etc. Spending time here did help me to filter out the crap, and really drill down to the relevant issues and especially the issues relevant to OUR lives.

Eventually I had to spend less time here though because I just couldn't be immersed in a lot of the negativity toward the org and then go be completely cool around all these dubs all the time.

Anyways, so how you doin' Jeff? How's the fam?

48

Elder said people "rarely" die from refusing a blood transfusion

by InterestedOne in

i sat in on the "know your options" reading tonight, and the elder said a couple things i was wondering about:.

1. he said if a doctor says you have a high risk of dying if you refuse a blood transfusion, he is misleading you.

he said people "rarely" die from refusing a blood transfusion.

Check_Your_Premises

If you lose enough blood, your red blood count level will become to low to carry sufficient oxygen throughout your body. In that event, you WILL die, regardless of how many stupid meetings you went to, how many times you went out in FS, or how many magazines you peddled for the publishing company.

If it was such an insignificant number, why doesn't the society EVER offer a number on how many witnesses died while refusing doctor prescribed blood treatment?

They count everything else?!?!

The WT blood policy is an abomination.

20

The Prodigal Unbelieving Mate Returns

by Check_Your_Premises in

hey all.. a few of you might remember me.

i showed up on a similar board a few years back because my wife was getting baptized.. it was a difficult time but i was able to work through it with a lot of prayer and help from a lot of smart folks here.. my wife has since left the organization, and the wt has faded into a tiny speck in our rearview mirror that we rarely talk about.. i have enjoyed being free from the watchtower driven life for awhile, and frankly i really needed it, but i also know that alot of people aren't so lucky.

insomnia and a sense of duty has compelled me to wander back in here.

Check_Your_Premises

Open mind... not many pick up on the Ayn Rand reference. I got over my Ayn Rand phase a long tme ago, but that one always stuck with me. She did write a lot of good stuff.

20

The Prodigal Unbelieving Mate Returns

by Check_Your_Premises in

hey all.. a few of you might remember me.

i showed up on a similar board a few years back because my wife was getting baptized.. it was a difficult time but i was able to work through it with a lot of prayer and help from a lot of smart folks here.. my wife has since left the organization, and the wt has faded into a tiny speck in our rearview mirror that we rarely talk about.. i have enjoyed being free from the watchtower driven life for awhile, and frankly i really needed it, but i also know that alot of people aren't so lucky.

insomnia and a sense of duty has compelled me to wander back in here.

Check_Your_Premises

So many good people here. I am indebted to you guys for helping me through a real rough patch. Sorry I haven't been around much L. Hope things are well.

garyneal, so much of this experience has taught me about control. I, by nature, have always been very controlling. Not of people so much, but that has also been the case, but mostly I try desperately to control my life. The hardest thing about the WT experience was the loss of control over my marriage, my children.... my my my. Must be an EE thing... ... ironically control theory is one of my favorite subjects. Sorry, that was nerd talk.

I ultimately found comfort in my faith. One day my pastor told a story of recieving an advertisement promising to double his flock. His response was to chuckle and think "What if God doesn't want me to double my flock?"

I started to realize how often I would become enraged, flabbergasted trying to control the uncontrollable. I started asking, "What if God doesn't want me to do that?" Or garyneal, "What if God doesn't want me to take that class yet." In my specific case, "What if God doesn't want my wife to leave the WT?" Well you can't fight that one can you? It's not as if God was in heaven saying, "Oh no, CYP's wife joined the WT, where is CYP??? He can fix it!!!" A time for every purpose under heaven, right? Faith means trusting in those purposes, and that God is in control.

I do think my efforts were a factor also... a counter reacting force. Women do operate at a much more sophisticated level. My wife seems to know my thoughts almost before I do at times. Any time I was doing something to "try to get her out" she must have seen me coming a mile away. Every action has an opposite and equal reaction, right?

I think the UBM, once they are over the shock factor, needs to work patiently with their spouse to work out compromises to the multitude of intrusions the WT makes on the marriage. Once the many sore spots are covered, the UBM can comfortabley be available to offer welcome help to their spouse, who is truly bearing the more difficult burden of being a WT member.

Take away? I didn't "get my wife out", I just finally learned to get the hell out of the way.

20

The Prodigal Unbelieving Mate Returns

by Check_Your_Premises in

hey all.. a few of you might remember me.

i showed up on a similar board a few years back because my wife was getting baptized.. it was a difficult time but i was able to work through it with a lot of prayer and help from a lot of smart folks here.. my wife has since left the organization, and the wt has faded into a tiny speck in our rearview mirror that we rarely talk about.. i have enjoyed being free from the watchtower driven life for awhile, and frankly i really needed it, but i also know that alot of people aren't so lucky.

insomnia and a sense of duty has compelled me to wander back in here.

Check_Your_Premises

Hey Carla. Hope you are doing well.

"How did you manage to get your wife out?"

That is kind of funny because for years that was the million dollar question for me. After a long time of dealing with the loss of control, the countless fights over holidays, the kids, we finally started to sort things out.

In the mean time I truly concentrated on being a good husband, and making sure that she knew that I loved her no matter what.

Then one day I realized that so many of the things I was worried about didn't matter. She was a witness, and I was ok with that. I started to realize that by presuming that I needed to get her out wasn't really showing her a lot of respect.

One day I just kind of accepted it, and decided that I respected her choices even if I didn't agree with them. The kids were safe with regards to their religious choices, the blood thing. She loved me. I loved her.

Then one day she told me she wanted to leave, and I just kind of shrugged and said, "ok"

CYP

20

The Prodigal Unbelieving Mate Returns

by Check_Your_Premises in

hey all.. a few of you might remember me.

i showed up on a similar board a few years back because my wife was getting baptized.. it was a difficult time but i was able to work through it with a lot of prayer and help from a lot of smart folks here.. my wife has since left the organization, and the wt has faded into a tiny speck in our rearview mirror that we rarely talk about.. i have enjoyed being free from the watchtower driven life for awhile, and frankly i really needed it, but i also know that alot of people aren't so lucky.

insomnia and a sense of duty has compelled me to wander back in here.

Check_Your_Premises

My wife had JW influences when she was younger. Her parents didn't teach her much, but a nice JW lady would come by with literature and talk to her. She made a point to talk about various awful things about churches. So when my wife did shop around, those stood out to her. After awhile, when she was ready to consider a relationship with God, and how to raise the kids, the JW seemed the obvious choice.

It was a difficult and painful experience for me. It did force me to grow, and to be a better father and husband. I guess I am glad for the experience in hindsight, but I sure didn't enjoy it!

CYP

92

Dating a JW for 3 yrs

by justbreathe825 in

my bf and i are thinking on getting married.

i posted a foum early this week on whether or not i should get baptized.

i decided not to.. now even though he says he "doesn't care" he got upset last night when i mentioned the subject and how confused i was.

Check_Your_Premises

I would absolutely NOT recommend marrying this person.

I know that might be painful to consider. Maybe too painful.

I would try to think of your unborn children. You are playing for very high stakes here. Will you raise them as witnesses? What happens if they have an accident that includes major blood loss? Will you let them die rather than allow them to recieve the lifesaving but forbidden treatment?

A person either believes the JW is the "right" religion or they don't or not sure. If your bf believes it is the one true religion, then you can bet your ass that once you have kids, he will want to raise them in the religion.

You will be an unbelieving mate. You will be second wife to his first wife, the Watchtower. All major decisions about your life, the children's lives will have the organization giving the final say. Your husband will follow their dictates, and because they are from God, they will be non-negotiable.

Sorry.

The pain of passing on this is more imminent and acute... but if you take the long view of your life, that pain will likely register as a mere blip when compared to the pain you and your children could experience as a result of making this choice.

Choose carefully Mommy, your babies are counting on you.

25

How often do disassociated people go back to the organization?

by SEL in

a friend disassociated in order to get divorced, hoping not to get disfellowshipped.

some time later, he has a serious non-jw girlfriend whom he'll probably end up marrying.

the thing is, he didn't disassociate because he no longer believed the wt doctrines.

Check_Your_Premises

Sel,

In my experience, young people will often leave to sow some wild oats, but in their heart they still believe the doctrine.

This type of JW is a a common source of the sad critter, the "Unbelieving Mate".

The prodigal JW will start to date some poor, unsuspecting non-witness. Dating leads to love, love to marriage, marriage to children.

Now this person who left the organization to experience some freedom becomes terrified by the overwhelming duties of parenthood. They feel compelled to offer their child a sense of purpose, morality... a concept of faith. They feel called for the sake of their children to be the persn they always wanted to be. Since they were JW, and taught to be contemptuous toward every other concept of faith, they naturally return to the fold.

Now their poor spouse, who thought they simply married this nice, upstanding person who just so happened to formerly be a member of some wierd religion that they don't know much about , suddenly finds themselves married to... SUPER WITNESS.

oops. ouch. ugh.

Not so hilarious hijinx ensue.

Check_Your_Premises

Posts by Check_Your_Premises