Dating a JW for 3 yrs

justbreathe825

My bf and I are thinking on getting married. I posted a foum early this week on whether or not I should get baptized. I decided not to.

Now even though he says he "doesn't care" he got upset last night when I mentioned the subject and how confused I was. I am concern that his parents won't be as close to me as they are so far. W e have a very close relationship and my bf has pretty much told me it won't be the same.

Last night he said somehting like...we'll you wanted to be close to their non-religious side and they want you to be religious in order to be close to you so you both loose. But I said I don't care about their non-religious/religious side...I don't care what they do in that aspect I just want to be close to them. he also said well you dont want to do it then you won't have a relationship with them (but he said it in a threatening way). I asked him if he would take my side once we get married if his parents give me the cold shoulder...and if he agrees our kids shouldn't be forced to go to the meetings and get baptized...he got upset and said well you can't force them NOT to go...is their own decision. The he concluded by saying...are you telling me you would you want me to not have a relationship with my parents if they don't have one with you? Now, he spends about 3-4 days a week at their house so can u tell they r close?

I am so afraid..sometimes I think this is all a scam and once we get married he's going to pressure me into getting baptized and when we have kids he's going to pressure them...somehow even though he says he doesn't believe in many of the things they teach...I still feel he has his heart set in that religion and he's planning to be a very active witness just to please his parents...for the rest of our lives.

undercover

Don't marry a momma's boy...

You said earlier he doesn't believe all of it - yet, he won't stand up for what he thinks or believes. He caves in to pressure from his parents and the religion. He is putting them ahead of you. Odds are that pattern isn't going to change - you're going to always come in third place. 1st - the JW religion. 2nd - his parents. 3rd - you...maybe

Going strictly by what you have said in your couple of posts about this situation all I can say is - you're better off moving on. Marrying into this family is going to be nothing but trouble from here on out.

Just my opinion... I am not a psychologist or therapist. I'm just a guy who grew up in the religion and managed to escape. It's a cult. Take our word for that part, if nothing else.

Ding

<< I am so afraid..sometimes I think this is all a scam and once we get married he's going to pressure me into getting baptized and when we have kids he's going to pressure them...somehow even though he says he doesn't believe in many of the things they teach...I still feel he has his heart set in that religion and he's planning to be a very active witness just to please his parents...for the rest of our lives. >>

You're absolutely right.

Only you can decide whether you want yourself and your children to live like this for the rest of your lives.

Room 215

this is a serious event in your life; my advice is: don't consent to baptism just to preserve the relationship or marriage prospects; the act of baptism will subject you to a plethora of rules you're likely to reject. Take your time and proceed carefully; but don't acqueisce to a commitment of baptism merely to preserve the relationship.... it has the potential for making a tragic mistake

oldlightnewshite

Your situation worries me. Sounds like either your boyfriend doesn't know what he wants, or he does secretly know what he wants, but is scared to tell you.

At the end of the day, the choice will be a simple one for him. Pick either you and lose his family, or pick his family and lose you.

There are no grey areas with JWs. Most people would probably advise you to give him the elbow, as this will not work out well for you.

Sorry x

leavingwt

DO NOT GET BAPTIZED AS ONE OF JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES

MMXIV

what he means when he says your kids should be allowed to decide means they must be brought up in the truth for their whole lives and then they can choose when they're in their teens. But they won't get a choice just like you're not really getting a choice either. I am so so sorry because this could have been a different situation (if your bf didn't believe it and soon after your wedding fade out of being a JW) but it isn't. Your bf is trying to pressure you, blackmail you into doing something that will commit your whole life to something that will please him and his parents but not you.

mmxiv

Little Imp

My husband was a JW, his mother didnt want us to get married because I wasn't, though I attended meetings with him for a few months before we got married and for around 6 years after. Initially, I was keen and wanted to get baptised and everything, thank goodness I didn't.

I love my husband dearly but if I had known what I know now I would never have continued the relationship as his mother sent an email just after we first met when she realised he was keen warning him off me. He showed this to me and I wanted to finish it then. He said but it's me your marrying not my mother but I am a soft sensitive soul and wanted to walk away before my feelings became too deep as I believe families are important and didn't want to come between him and his mother. However, he talked me round and we got married 9 months after we met.

I had no problems attending Christian meetings at first as I have always been interested in religion and had attended churches of varying denominations for many years previously of my own choice and they had all been similar so had no reason to suppose that JW meetings would be so different. I even thought that with my support my husband may become an Elder! He laughs at this because he would never have wanted to be one but this is how keen I was. He wouldn't let me get baptised and for that I was grateful.

The congregation always treated both of us like lepers and no way would I contemplate taking children there. We gradually faded and have not now attended meetings for almost two years. However, they hounded us during this time but earlier this year we moved house and told no JWs so for the moment things are OK. We just have to hope that his mother doesn't send the local Elders round which is what she did before to my husband before we met.

My advice, break up while you still can. If you guy really loves you this may bring him to his senses and he will come and find you but I fear that his family may interfere.

Soldier77

This is just my opinion, but I would run. The day you get married will be the day your life goes from a little bumpy, to all out hell. He will enforce the 'headship' arrangement and start making you go to the meetings out of guilt or direct coercion. He is spineless, he listens to mommy and daddy instead of listening to his own heart/mind and you. You are third rate at best with him.

So the question is, do you really want to subject yourself to this oppression for this guy? Is your 'love' so blind that you can't see the trap that you are about to walk into?

I wish you the best, I hope you can do what's right for yourself first, it's obvious your bf is not looking out for you.

mrsjones5

sometimes I think this is all a scam and once we get married he's going to pressure me into getting baptized and when we have kids he's going to pressure them...somehow even though he says he doesn't believe in many of the things they teach...I still feel he has his heart set in that religion and he's planning to be a very active witness just to please his parents...for the rest of our lives.

You know you're right.

Dating a JW for 3 yrs

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