Posts by jules99

17

"What would happen to a jw, if proved gb was not given special authority?"

by Check_Your_Premises in

i posed this question to my tbjw (true believer jehovah's witness) wife:.

"what if it was proved to you without a doubt (i conceded that this was not possible) that the gb had no special mandate or guidance from hs?

what if they were just like anyone else who reads the bible alot?

jules99

Have worked out what most of the abbreviations are..................

But, please, what is a "dub"?

Sorry for being thick........?

Jules

9

help with my parents

by boydarwin in

jw
friends

at times, i have shared my feelings, questions and doubts with my father.

i am always careful.

i never try to force anything on them.

jules99

You poor thing - I am so sorry about your brother. You and your parents must have been devastated.

My thoughts:-

If you are already dif'd and still get on with your parents, that is ALL THAT MATTERS. If I was you I would just show them that you love them dearly, every day. They NEED you, just as much as you need them.

My late husbands' grown-up kids did not talk to him for 8 years after he was dif'd. He was heartbroken. Then he died. Now it is too late for him and for them. Be true to yourself, and God, but don't let the WTO come between you all. It isn't worth it. The WTO aren't worth it. It may be too late to change your parent's minds or beliefs, but don't ever let them think you don't love and respect them.

Good luck and God bless,

Jules

xxx

17

"What would happen to a jw, if proved gb was not given special authority?"

by Check_Your_Premises in

i posed this question to my tbjw (true believer jehovah's witness) wife:.

"what if it was proved to you without a doubt (i conceded that this was not possible) that the gb had no special mandate or guidance from hs?

what if they were just like anyone else who reads the bible alot?

jules99

I am fairly new to all this, so I do not know the answer.

But all I would say is DO NOT GIVE UP. Sadly my lovely new husband recently died before I could gently prise him away from 35 years of GB brainwashing. But he was starting to ask the right questions - he even wondered out loud if he might be brainwashed, and he admitted that if he was, his whole world could crumble, he wouldn't know "who he was" without the JW organisation.

The thing that was really getting him disillusioned was the way he was treated as a disfellowshipped person, after 30 yrs loyal service as an elder. You could show your wife some of those people's stories (such as "cruzanheart" and her Dad, - on this site) and ask her if that is how "God's Organisation" would treat people.

The only thing I would say, is that however frustrated you get with the circular arguments, try to be gentle - it's hard to find out your whole life has been a sham. Have you got any Christian friends who are not JWs who could help her to see she could still carry on being a Christian?

I know it is difficult - GOOD LUCK

Jules xx

39

Help and advice needed soon , please

by jules99 in

jw
friends

i am looking for some advice to hopefully prevent me going mad.

my husband (an elder) was disf?d by the jws 8 years ago for having an affair with me and consequently leaving his wife.

he has 4 grown-up children and 9 grandchildren.

jules99

Dear All,

Thanks so very much for your thoughts, it?s a big help to feel I?m not alone. You folks have given me strength I never knew I had.

Scully

I laughed out loud at the ?informercials? bit ? good job I seem to have retained some sense of black-humour in all this!

NewLight2

Thanks, I will follow some of these links. Thinking of ordering Raymond Franz?s books ?

Freedom96

Am feverishly reading my New King James version now??????..

Nina & Mulan:-

You are right, I am finding out that the ?love? the JW?s seem to extend to me involves getting me back to the KH at all costs. But I can?t go ANYWHERE I used to go with Dan without having a panic attack at the moment. KH is the last place on my mind, if I could get round Tesco?s I?d be doing well!

I am convinced Dan's sudden heart attack (no history of heart trouble, or any other trouble for that matter) was brought on by the sheer anxiety and stress the Organisation & his misguided family put him through for 8 years. I even think he turned to me for love in the first place because he was so depressed by what was going on in the JW's, yet trying to remain loyal to them. He gave them 35 years of loyal service, spent all his free time helping others, and yet when he needed someone, no-one was there for him.

Maybesbabies:-

I had the same experience as you with the funeral, have arranged and paid for it all myself and not one single donation made to the memorial tree by the JW?s, only from mine & Dan?s new friends and colleagues, and from non-JWs he hadn?t seen for years! To be honest, though, I don?t want the JW?s involved anyway (but it would have been nice if they?d offered!).

Jeaniebeanz and GetBusyLiving:-

I tried and tried to help Dan understand that I didn?t actually DISLIKE the JW?s I just thought they were misguided and WRONG. He was coming round a bit the last couple of years, partly because of me but mostly because he could see for himself how UN-Christian their behaviour was. I think he was astonished and embarrassed by it, as he himself never behaved like that. Sometimes I think maybe God ?took him out? before he could get re-instated (who knows?)?????.

Special K:-

Thanks, I am really looking forward to the tree. I am going to try and have the planting on what would have been our 3 rd Wedding Anniversary in July this year. I know Dan would have really liked us to have our own little ceremony, as he understood my frustration with the JW?s.

I like to think he?ll be watching (despite his belief that he?ll have to wait for the resurrection).

Once again thanks all, you saved me from a straightjacket this week.

Jules

xxx

23

Where is their Love?

by Sadie5 in

jw
friends

a couple of days ago i ran into a jw at my job at walmart.

she is a single lady around 50 years old and she looked terrible.

i asked how she was,(she always talks to me) and she related how she had lost her job and had to work two low paying jobs.

jules99

Thanks "TheEdge", I am a bit "on the edge" myself just now - but this site is helping me to see that Dan was even more of a special person than even I always knew he was. It wasn't until he died that I had to face any JW's "full-on", as we had been held at arms-length for 8 years.

How he coped with being shunned by his so-called "close" family and friends is just a testimony to his love for all human beings, and his capacity for forgiveness. I don't understand why his own kids put the organisation before their own Dad. So I am finding it hard to forgive them at the moment, I just don't want to see any of them ever again.

23

Where is their Love?

by Sadie5 in

jw
friends

a couple of days ago i ran into a jw at my job at walmart.

she is a single lady around 50 years old and she looked terrible.

i asked how she was,(she always talks to me) and she related how she had lost her job and had to work two low paying jobs.

jules99

I've been overwhelmed by the love of the people on this website today.

It's a shame my husband wasn't shown any, before he died last month, after not seeing his grandchildren for 8 years.Not once did a JW elder visit him to see if he needed any help or advice. And yet when Dan himself was an elder, he was constantly being "carpeted" for visiting and helping/comforting other disf'd JWs. In fact, if the organisation knew the half of his shepherding work, he would have been disf'd a lot sooner (bless him)!

(see my earlier posting, "Help needed...etc" - I don't know how to do those link-thingies, sorry).

39

Help and advice needed soon , please

by jules99 in

jw
friends

i am looking for some advice to hopefully prevent me going mad.

my husband (an elder) was disf?d by the jws 8 years ago for having an affair with me and consequently leaving his wife.

he has 4 grown-up children and 9 grandchildren.

jules99

Thanks Ross,

We are going to plant the tree at Dovestones Reservoir at Greenfield near Oldham, it is a beautiful spot. Our house is just on the border of Rochdale/Oldham, we lived in Rochdale before, (Norden) and moved here before we got married.

However, our favourite place in the world was the Isle of Arran, but could prove a bit too expensive getting the CalMac over there every week!

Small world !

Jules

39

Help and advice needed soon , please

by jules99 in

jw
friends

i am looking for some advice to hopefully prevent me going mad.

my husband (an elder) was disf?d by the jws 8 years ago for having an affair with me and consequently leaving his wife.

he has 4 grown-up children and 9 grandchildren.

jules99

Dear All

I have felt so supported today, thanks, I don't know what to say really.

It's hard to be furious with them when Dan respected their views so much. But he was furious with them too! Maybe if he had lived he would eventually have realised how controlling they are.

Anyway, my son from my 1st marriage (he's 10 and a great little lad), and our Best Man, and my family, are going to have a tree-planting ceremony at one of our favourite walking spots, and we'll put Dan's ashes in the roots. Dan's ex-wife has already tried to muscle-in on this, but, short of swearing on this website I can only say that the second word will be "off". (See - feeling stronger already!).

Jules

39

Help and advice needed soon , please

by jules99 in

jw
friends

i am looking for some advice to hopefully prevent me going mad.

my husband (an elder) was disf?d by the jws 8 years ago for having an affair with me and consequently leaving his wife.

he has 4 grown-up children and 9 grandchildren.

jules99

Thanks Little Toe and everyone,

I don't know where Dan is - before I met him I would've said he was with Jesus in Heaven watching over me and waiting for me (RC teaching) but now I would say he was asleep and knows nothing until Jehovah brings him back (JW teaching). I don?t care where I go as long as Dan?s there eventually. I am confused. And angry. And afraid.

My family have been great but they are very anti-Witness, especially after the funeral, which wasn't allowed to be in the KH, but the Crematorium was attended by at least 200 people, about half of them Witnesses. The elder from our KH agreed to do the service, and I asked Dan's family what songs they wanted, and let them carry his coffin in, even though I felt like screaming at them for not seeing him for 8 years. His eldest son rang me the night before the funeral and questioned that I wanted to sing "Abide with Me". He made me feel awful, and said his Dad wouldn't have wanted that, so even though I THOUGHT I knew Dan would have liked it, I caved-in after about 20 minutes of his sons' verbal battering, and cancelled the song. Then the service was all ?Jehovah-God? this and ?Jehovah-God? that. I felt the elder was trying to make a point. He does the Watchtower on a Sunday, and he said ?Jehovah-God? more times at Dan?s funeral than I?ve heard him say it in 3 years. I think my family felt uncomfortable, and half the congregation didn?t know what he was on about.

My family have seen how upset I've been over the way Dan's family have behaved, it is all weird to them. So I don't feel I can talk to them about it because it gets them angry, and they don?t understand, and I spend half my time trying to explain why the JWs behave in a certain way and it?s just too exhausting. And I had counselling when I was about 20 (I found out that my Mum?s death when I was 9 had been suicide), and it didn?t do me a lot of good. The only person I could ever talk to was Dan. And now he?s gone. Although I still talk to him.

I?m overwhelmed by how kind you all have been ? at last, people who know what I?m talking about!

39

Help and advice needed soon , please

by jules99 in

jw
friends

i am looking for some advice to hopefully prevent me going mad.

my husband (an elder) was disf?d by the jws 8 years ago for having an affair with me and consequently leaving his wife.

he has 4 grown-up children and 9 grandchildren.

jules99

I am looking for some advice to hopefully prevent me going mad.

My husband (an elder) was disf?d by the JWs 8 years ago for having an affair with me and consequently leaving his wife. He has 4 grown-up children and 9 grandchildren. One of his sons saw him about 4 times in 8 years and let him see his 3 grandchildren about twice. The rest of them have had no contact with him whatsoever.

I am not a JW (lapsed Catholic actually), but 3 years ago we started to go to meetings (at a different KH), together, albeit sitting at the back, no-one allowed to talk to us. 2 years ago we got married and Dan applied for re-instatement, he was refused and told to re-apply in 12 months, which he did and was refused again and told to re-apply in 6 months, which he did. This time the elders granted him ?an audience?. After dragging him through all his past "misdemeanours" once again for good measure, they told him to go away and re-apply in 6 months, which was up last month.

In all this time he has been compassionate and understanding of the action his family have chosen to take, even though it has caused him (and indirectly me) untold suffering and heartache, particularly with regard to the grandchildren. Neither has he ever put any pressure on me to ?join?. Dan always made a point of keeping in regular contact with disf?d people himself (another one of his past misdemeanours!), and he helped many of them, never putting any pressure on them to go back to the organisation.

But 4 weeks ago Dan, a fit and healthy specimen, collapsed and died 2 minutes after getting home from his usual 4-mile run. The messy business of dealing with his estranged JW family, and the funeral was bad enough (I won?t even regale you with that) although I maintained my dignity despite being furious.

As you can probably imagine, I am beside myself with grief and barely know what day it is, but I found a letter he'd written to the elders in his briefcase, re-applying for re-instatement. In my confusion at the time I gave it to an elder from our local KH who visited me, and asked him if he could see whether they would re-instate him anyway, because I know that is what Dan would have wanted.

The thing is, I know I am not in a great state of mind at the moment but I keep thinking if I don?t carry on going to the KH, what will happen to me when I die? Because all I want is to go wherever Dan has gone. And if they do re-instate him that means I have to be a JW too, doesn?t it? Except I don?t want to go there, I only went in the first place to help Dan get re-instated.

If these ramblings make any sense to anyone, please help, because I am terrified and there is no-one else I can ask.