FadingELD
My heart goes out to you. When I told my husband (not a JW but family that was) that I had doubts for several months and felt that this was not the True Religion, he was shocked and very surprised after 20+ years of me not pushing but letting him know he would benefit from this religion. Still he was dumbfounded that I really made this decision and really had not told anyone about what I had been going through. I can not tell you how much this has done to bring us together, we actually can talk and bounce questions on religion off of eachother. He said he knew it was pointless to discuss anything before because as a JW we are always right and everyone else is wrong.
I have also had several friends in the past few years with long history as JW's express their doubts and are most doing the fade, just as I have for reasons personal to each one. I have a dear friend that was actually my study conductor and brought me into the JW World. She has since gone to her sons and apologized for all that they put the kids through, out of 6 kids only one was left in the organization and he and his wife have faded as well. They all have shared with her now the personal hell they have endured being raised by an elder and pioneer and the effects it has had on them as young adults. I can truthfully say now they are coming together and sharing true love of fellowship and rebuilding their lives of a family that has unconditional love for eachother.
I encourage you to be true to yourself and help your sons realize they do have a choice to their own beliefs. I have shared much with my friend and she in turn has shared with her adult children, which in turns helps them deal with the ones saying they all have made a hugh mistake. Knowledge is the key to unlock the builtin guilt and doubt that over the years has been piled in our minds. I gave her a copy of CofC which has been passed on through the family.
You have made a wise decision and are now really able to search out what you really believe, I wish you well. I do hope that your wife will see you are still a person capable of being loved regardless of the JW organization. Assure her that you love her but that you need to be first honest with yourself and your personal relationship with God. As I told one person I am standing up for Jehovah and I will serve him with integrity and not through an organization that lies and manipulates people through the the WT and books. I have said I would return to the KH if I could find one WT that has not distorted truth in an article. I do read them online and when I do find one I usually can find a lie in an article or study. SAD but TRUE, a little research or check up on a reference will usually show the distorted slant to an article.
Sorry for the long post but keep true to yourself!!
Peace & Love,
Sheri