Posts by love11

39

Help me prove to my bf that defellowshipping happens

by MM090503 in

hi all.. many of you have probably seen my posts on here before, but if you haven't let me reinterate my story in short for you.. i am currently dating a wonderful guy, but the problem is he has been considering becoming a jw.

he has studdied with them for about a year.

because of me has agreed to do some religion searching and figure out what he really believes.

love11

(((Amelia Bedilia)))

but the thing about disfellowshipping is that it doesn't happen without the coaperation of the person who's actually getting disfellowshipped. the only way that action is taken is if that person has talked to the elders about something that they have done and they didn't show a repentant attitude about it. if they didn't want to talk to the elders then they don't have to do it and as long as they don't, they won't be disfellowshipped.

I don't mean to sound condescending but it's obvious that you have never attended a judicial meeting before.

It is a myth among jw's that disfellowshipping only happens to unrepentant people.

When me and my sister were disfellowshipped we were both told that if we did not attend the meeting that we would be disfellowshipped anyways. At first I actually thought that they were joking because I couldn't believe that I was being called in for spending the night at a worldly boys house. The elders knew that nothing happened that night and even said that they believed I was telling the truth but that they had to make an example out of me (even though no one else knew of this incident except me and my mom.) Later, I thought that they must not have really believed me.

My sister was very humble in front of them because she was afraid to speak up for me. She was disfellowshipped for disagreeing with the elders over my disfellowshipping. Even though she brought in copies of articles that said it was ok to disagree with the elders they said that she was talking like an apostate and wanted her to come in to speak to them. She got a bad feeling from it and said that her daughter was sick and she couldn't make it to the meeting. They said that it was an emergency and that she needed to find a babysitter because if she didn't meet with them then they were going to disfellowship her. She told them that this is ridiculous and that she didn't do anything wrong and that she wasn't going to meet with them again. They said ok your name is going to be read Thursday night at the meeting.

It's hard to know what happens in that secret meeting unless you hear other's experiences. And even then, you're probably not going to believe us. But one day when you or someone close to you is disfellowshipped for doing something and they were whole heartedly repentant, then you will know we are all telling the truth. I hope with writing this to you that you don't take offence but grow in understanding, as we all have had to.

p.s. My dad was a ministerial servant and me and my mom were pioneers. Believe me when I tell you that I was shocked at how disfellowshippings really happen.

(((The Logical One)))

I am sorry to hear that your wife is being treated so cruelly by her family. I hope that you and her can build a family together that will fill your life with so much happiness that she stops wanting the past life that she had with her mother and brother. It is a painfull journey, but thanks to you she has someone to turn to. Two aquaintances I know are trying to get reinstated just for the sole purpose of being able to talk to their families again. When I asked them about their beliefs they said that they don't want any part of it they just want to go long enough to be reinstated and then they never want to go back again. Isn't that sad. What ever happened to unconditional love? They must not have read the part about Jesus eating with sinners.

18

all i need is help

by angel1234 in

hello my friends hope u r all well?

what i would like the poeple know in the chat room of a night i would like u to know that 1) i have a learning promblem 2) im not a good speller as sum 1 really hurt & upset me last in the room & im thinking of leaving cos of this person 3) my parents died now im living with my foster parents i call then both mom & dad as they have been very good to me 3) i have got abit of dyxsile so if no 1 wants to help me then please dont talk behind my back if u have sum thing to say....post me a message 4) i do belive in god & all im asking is for sum help 2 help me on my travels thank u 4 listening angel.

love11

Hi Angel,

I'm a newbie too! I'm sorry to hear about someone being mean to you. Hopefully, what they were trying to say just came out wrong. But if not, we all have our days when we wake up on the wrong side of the bed. Don't let their bad day effect how your day goes.

What I do for spelling help is-

When I'm writing I have 2 windows open - 1.is the jw forum and 2. is Dictionary.com

And somehow I still manage to mess up from time to time. So don't feel so bad. I don't think this forum is meant to be only for english professors.

102

Fuming, Angry, seething, seeing RED!!!!!!!!!!

by Gill in

my parents went to the assembly this weekend.

they were telling me about disciplining children... the speaker was saying how all babies are born selfish and demanding for their own needs and not anyone elses.

the jist of the talk being about discipline, and training children ...ie taking them out for a good beating.. well, i don't know if any of you have ever 'just seen red!

love11

P.S. (((glenswoodwoman)))

I got that quote (written above) that you liked -

Forgiving doesn't mean forgetting. It means understanding.

from- Brian L. Weiss, M.D. in a 20-card deck called -

Pathway to Healing Cards

Very helpful for a pick me up!

102

Fuming, Angry, seething, seeing RED!!!!!!!!!!

by Gill in

my parents went to the assembly this weekend.

they were telling me about disciplining children... the speaker was saying how all babies are born selfish and demanding for their own needs and not anyone elses.

the jist of the talk being about discipline, and training children ...ie taking them out for a good beating.. well, i don't know if any of you have ever 'just seen red!

love11

(((glenwoodswoman))) and (((whyamihere)))

When I first moved out of my parents house, I began to get only glimpses of understanding them. I was very angry with them and I hated all humans, yet in the same breath loved them deeply. Within the past few years I have really grown to understand them more and more. I found out through observing them with an adults eyes, instead of a childs eyes, that they both have different forms of mental illness. I'm not sure what the name of their illness is but my mother has had frequent nervous breakdowns and I believe has an obsessive compulsive disorder with cleaning. As a child I remember her saying that she could see demons in the house (schizophrenia?) and when she would scream at them in the basement my dad would sit on the couch and laugh histerically. He has anger issues and I believe the sole reason he became a jw was because he was suppressing homosexual urges that he had guilt over.

They had 4 girls and the 3rd born was me. My oldest sister is schizophrenic and is recieving a check every month for her disability she is a drug addict and former prostitute. The next oldest is a nurse who tries to reach perfection in all aspects of life but is frustrated by not quite achieving it. I am an artist, writer, decorator, (none of which professionally) and a loving stay-at-home mother who occasionally battles with depression. My younger sister has alot of anger about her life not turning out the way she expected by being forced to marry at 16 years old.

My parents said they were just following the bibles teachings of discipling children and they would "prove" it to me with bible scriptures.

(((whyamihere))) Good for you, standing up like that for another human being. That may be exactly why you are here. I remember not being able to come in the house all day either (I hope you're doing well now) and I feel like that was my only saving grace towards having a normal childhood. I was lucky enough to have a park nearby that I would spend all day at eating mulberry's from the trees and playing till exhaustion. The park staff would always have activities for us kids to do and they were always so kind (for worldly people- ha ha). Those are the good times I try to remember.

For me and my children to be happy and safe, I have had to stop talking to some of my family members. My mother has not seen me in 7 years because I will "not come back to Jehovah." I think it's sad that this religion preys on the mentally ill and poor by promising them a much better life. (sounds like a piramid scheme)

But I am now happy with this arrangement. I have given up trying to have a normal family with them and realize that it will never happen. However, the family I am building now is very loving. We hug and kiss each other all the time and me and my husband have broken that chain of abuse. Because mental illness is so prevalent, I am always on the look out for any signs in my behavior or my children's. Hopefully this is stopped once and for all.

Best wishes to you guys and thanks for writing, Love

18

For the women: Clothes shopping right before the memorial

by catchthis in

jw
friends

i have noticed now and in the past that most, if not all sisters, go clothes shopping right before the memorial.

they make it out to be this huge deal.

almost to the point where if they do not get that new dress from nordstroms, they won't be able to be seen at the memorial.

love11

For me, it made the memorial less tedious. I know it's crazy, but I actually thought that if Jehovah or the angel of death came back to earth that night to begin Armageddon then they would see what a good jw girl looked like.

I wanted to try that cracker and wine SOooo bad!

35

Can anyone help with info to refute only 144,000 going to heaven?

by The Leological One in

jw
friends

i've recently shown my wife this forum (she's a df'd jw who does still hold fast to jw views).

she's been really depressed and feels down on herself constantly because she wasn't a better witness and seems to feel she has no hope of a personal relationship with god now that she's df'd.

i was a little upset a moment ago trying to get her out of her depression by pushing my point of view that the wt is full of $hit regarding a great many number of things, the least of which that only 144,000 people are going to heaven/effectively can be saved.

love11

102

Fuming, Angry, seething, seeing RED!!!!!!!!!!

by Gill in

my parents went to the assembly this weekend.

they were telling me about disciplining children... the speaker was saying how all babies are born selfish and demanding for their own needs and not anyone elses.

the jist of the talk being about discipline, and training children ...ie taking them out for a good beating.. well, i don't know if any of you have ever 'just seen red!

love11

If those people that are still in the organization only realized how much we care about them too.....

102

Fuming, Angry, seething, seeing RED!!!!!!!!!!

by Gill in

my parents went to the assembly this weekend.

they were telling me about disciplining children... the speaker was saying how all babies are born selfish and demanding for their own needs and not anyone elses.

the jist of the talk being about discipline, and training children ...ie taking them out for a good beating.. well, i don't know if any of you have ever 'just seen red!

love11

I feel it is only normal to be fuming, angry, seething, and seeing red when you see a child being severely beaten or have been that child yourself.

For people that have never experienced abuse or think that we are talking about spanking a child, you cannot possibly understand what we are saying. Let me give you an example of real abuse-

I was locked in a closet in the heat of the summer for a half a day. I had to go to the bathroom and asked to come out. My mom opened the door and began to hit me with my dad's belt. After 20 times I stopped counting. She shut the door and I crapped my pants and stayed in the closet for hours more. I was 5 years old at the time and I knew how to tell time and count, that is how I remember. I was yelled at for going to the bathroom and made to clean it up myself. All of this was over not picking up my toys immedietely when told.

During my entire childhood, not a week went by that I wasn't beaten ( not spanked ). I remember coming in the house excited about something and I forgot to hang up my wind jacket. My dad was standing there with a board with holes in it and told me to pick it up. I said I would but please don't hit me when I bend over. He promised he wouldn't. I bent over to pick up my coat and I was shocked when he hit me. It caught me off guard and I flew about 5 ft into the wall that was near my coat and hit my head. I didn't even have time to stand up because he grabbed my arm and flung me in the air to the next wall. Then he began to spank me left and right until I was screaming and walking in a circle. He eventually stopped because the 1/2 inch thick paddle finally broke. He dropped my arm and I fell limp to the floor. After that, I could barely move my arm and it started to turn black it was so bruised. For the longest time I had to cover my arm and if anyone saw it I lied and said I fell off of the curly slide.

Children Services did occasionally come to visit my home. The woman would take us in our bedroom to talk to us but me and my sister didn't dare to say a word. My parents bedroom was right next to ours and I could hear them listening through the heat register. Before she came, we were told that if we said anything that dad would go to jail and that it would be all of our faults and that Jehovah would punish us for being disobedient children. After the "bad" beatings, my mom would talk to us in our room and say that it is Jehovah testing us to see how much we could bare and that Jehovah would not give us more than we could handle.

I have found that anger to me comes and goes like a wave and that it is an important part of healing. I am at a time in my life that I can say the anger is a size of a pea, but it used to consume me. I am trying to enjoy everyday that I am alive and I feel that if the begining part of my life has been this bad than I must be long overdue for some good times ahead.

I hope in some small way that this explains what abuse really is. I know that alot of people on this site have their own story of abuse, hence the anger.

I read a really good quote the other day that I would like to share with you- Forgiving doesn't mean forgetting. It means understanding.

I had to really think about that for awhile and let it stew. I think when you understand someone and what motivates them to do the things they do, than the anger stops and real joy can begin. At least you and I are out!!!!!!

35

Can anyone help with info to refute only 144,000 going to heaven?

by The Leological One in

jw
friends

i've recently shown my wife this forum (she's a df'd jw who does still hold fast to jw views).

she's been really depressed and feels down on herself constantly because she wasn't a better witness and seems to feel she has no hope of a personal relationship with god now that she's df'd.

i was a little upset a moment ago trying to get her out of her depression by pushing my point of view that the wt is full of $hit regarding a great many number of things, the least of which that only 144,000 people are going to heaven/effectively can be saved.

love11

Rev. 7 will answer your questions on that.

But I just wanted to say that when you are depressed about being dis-f no amount of scripture proving or disproving matters at that point. All you know is that you are hurting. What you miss most of all is humans. These are people that you thought loved you unconditionally and it's a cold slap of reality when you realize that these people want nothing to do with you.

When I was disfellowshipped I felt so bad about myself. I believed God thought I was evil ( that is what they want you to believe) . I thought if I killed myself the worst that would happen is that I just wouldn't be resurrected into the paradise and I would just continue sleeping and not know the difference anyways. It was my lowest point.

Ignoring someone is one thing, but having an entire community turn their back on you is another. It is hurtful, it is cruel, and bone chillingly unforgiving. I feel for your wife and I hope that she learns how to cope like all of us has had to. Someday maybe she'll realize that it's not her mistake that was so evil but the unrealistic expectations that are put on SOME of jw's.

Also, something I haven't heard anyone mentioning on this forum yet (I'm new) is that they will not dis-f certain people for the same exact thing your wife has done. Elders and their families can get away with murder. Now if they really do follow the bible than how come there are different punishments for different people doing the same "crime". The fact that your wife is feeling this bad shows that she is repentant. Repentant means- feeling or expressing remorse for misdeeds. In their own law books they are only supposed to dis-f unrepentant people.

Below is a note I posted today- it pretty much says my story, tell your wife about it and I hope that she can understand that she is not alone. Found in "Relationships" section under the subheading "help me prove to my bf that disfellowshipping happens".

Not only is disfellowshipping Really happening but it's also found in the bible. The amish do it too but I'm not sure about the mormon's. I was disfellowshipped Dec. 1993 right after I spent the night at a guy's house. My mom called the elders and told them I did not come home all that night and two days later I was pulled in to a meeting with me, my mom, and two elders. That's when I was disfellowshipped. I tried afterwards to get reinstated. I went for months to the Kingdom Hall trying to prove that I wanted back in. At my "probationary hearing" (ha ha) I was told that they knew Jehovah forgave me but that I needed to prove myself to the rest of the congregation by showing up more at the hall. I just looked at them and I had an epiphany. I realized at that moment that they were just men in a religous club and that they were not governed by God because God knew that I was sorry. They will tell you that they only disfellowship unrepenting people but I know for a FACT that is not true. My sister and a few of my friends are disfellowshipped as well and they all have their own story. Example: Sister- disfellowshipped for saying to the elders and to other people in the congregation that dis-f me was wrong. Friend- dis-f for having sex with a man that later became her husband. Friend- dis-f for skipping school with the wrong guy who ended up raping her and she became pregnant from that rape. Friend- dis-f for threatening a man with a knife, she was later diagnosed with bi-polar disorder ( a mental illness that you cannot hold people accountable for). There is more to my story that I have left out. The man I spent the night with has been my husband going on 11 years. That night we did not have sex, we did not even see each other naked. We just stayed up all night talking and fell asleep in each others arms. The elders did not believe that I was telling the truth. But I was. God would know that. If the elders were govered by God, they would know that. As a side note to this story. I was in a car accident 2 weeks after I was married. I was close to dying and I asked my mom for the elders to pray over me. Keep in mind that I came from a strict jw family that did not talk to anyone that was not a jw. So these people at the Hall were my family and friends, they were everyone I hung out with since I was a baby. So I asked for the elders (uncles to me) to see me possibly for the last time. They told my mom that they would not come into the hospital for a disfellowshipped person and that I was dead already in God's eyes. My mom came to tell me the news. I was devastated. I had a punctured liver, broken tailbone, phemure bone, hip, 2 ribs, wrist, and I was pregnant at the time and lost that baby. My mom said to me " What do you expect when you marry a worldly boy".

The cruelty of this organization will not be felt and will not be noticed until you disagree. They truely are wolves in sheeps clothing to the imperfect person. I strongely recommend to all who are thinking of being a jw or who are studing to be a jw to find love and a since of community within yourself and don't go looking for it here. To the mentally ill who are thinking of joining this organization it will offer you a sense of control and well being. Even if it is a false sense, it may work for you. However, expect to have to give up family or friends at some point in your life. They will tell you no that they encourage a good family life and that they only kick people out that are evil. THAT IS NOT TRUE. They will kick you out too for any imperfection.

Life has not been the same for me. I have not spoken to my mother in 7 years because she told me "If you're not going to be in the paradise than I might as well get used to it now". She has not met my son who is 5 years old now. And the only friend I have is the ex-jw friend I told you about that slept with her boyfriend who later became her husband. The accident happened when I was 19 years old and I have since learned to walk again. I have 2 children and a wonderful husband that helped me when I was crippled and when no one else would love me. He was raised a catholic but doesn't do anything religous anymore besides spend time with his family. One last word of advice. Beware of anyone saying that they and only they are Gods chosen people. All things in this universe come from the smallest most minute thing- a cell.

25

What is the bible for?

by Smoky in

jw
friends

i was just wondering the other day about the bible, in a different manner than i usually would (inspired by god).. it is like if i were a atheist, or something........ so what is the bibile?.

is it a rule book, that we must follow?

a guide we reference to enrich our lives?

love11

In my opinion, the bible is a book rules and stories from a middle eastern viewpoint. Some people need these rules and need to be accountable to a "higher power" (imagined or not) or bad things could happen with no accountability. For some people that is the only thing holding them back from murdering, raping, stealing, going crazy, etc;. Like they say- religion is the opium of the masses.

On the flip side, the bible can cause more division, hatred, or sexual perversion by demanding all of the rules be met or else. And as in human nature- you always want what you can't have ( the forbidden fruit).

I feel sorry for the people that make themselves so miserable by being so fanatical about every little word or dot written by some middle easterner in a cave.

Listen to some Bob Marley. Imagine that this is the only life you will ever get. Start living.