I think the WTS are the ones that shun, and the jw's follow their orders.
Because to them it means life and death to follow the orders of Jehovah WT. They feel that they are going to be punished by their creator if they talk to a disfellowshipped person. That fear is so strong that they will give up family and friends to save their own "after life". I think the ones that really "love" you are torn on what to do because they don't want to displease the ALMIGHTY GOD WT.
It reminds me of that saying you always here battered women say-
"He loves me.... in his own way".