Hmmm ... I'm glad I'm not the only one.
Some two weeks ago I had a dream where I was at a meeting and one of the elders handed me a talk outline during the WT study. The public talk had been postponed till after the study because the original speaker cancelled. He wanted me to give that talk in less than an hour. Being Mr. Nice Guy, I agreed.
I took the outline and looked it over, seriously thinking about delivering it but only getting nervous because of the time restraint. Then my common sense kicked in and I asked, what am I doing? I don't even believe this BS any more and have been out for 31 years. I woke up from that dream in a cold sweat.
Fact is, perhaps it's based on my real experience of when I had resigned as an elder (not yet as a JW). A couple weeks later and the PO came up to me and asked me to deliver a talk (at that time, public talks were only to be given by elders) I'd already been scheduled to give in neighboring Ames (Iowa). Not quite knowing what to tell him since I was already in the mental process of making my break, I went ahead and gave the talk. It truly was a struggle with my conscience to do it although I don't even remember the topic. That meeting, away from home, was the last one I attended.
Not frequently, but I do have similar dreams with other behavioral problems -- smoking, for one. I find myself deeply inhaling and feeling so good, but guilty. Then I ask myself, why am I risking that addiction again? Then I wake up. It's been nearly 50 years since my last cigarette.
Len