I just order "Crisis of conscience" from Freeminds (hope it works for portugal). It will take some time to read (english you know...).
But i am surprised about everything... Not only all this years quiet and silently suffering about the big "A" and having choosed my death. But also having troble with my family. I don't have any contact with them... not because (also) of JW but of they failurer educating and creating me and my brothers.
For a wile WJ studing gave me some confort but the fake love of JW, the cynicism talking in my back, puting me of part. Very nice! I was so naive.
Well i had two problems:
A bad father and a fanatic mother.
Anyway, i just hope Jesus hear my heart wisper. God knows what's inside me. I can't lie to Him
Did you know i never heard a positive word from my father ( like "i am proud of you daughter" or "i like you")? I allways hear:
"This beatch will just be like her sisters"!
I payed my studies, i have my job and my house. Don't need them nor they humiliation.
If there is an Armagedon i ask for a fast painless death.