Thanks for all the responses. I saw a little of myself in everyone's posts, not just one, but all. I can relate to the whole job thing. I always wanted to go to an art school or either film school but just attended a crappy community college that I feel isn't even worth typing onto a resume. Sure I didn't have a lot of money for a big time college, but maybe I would have tried harder to get scholarships if I wasn't tricked into thinking that big time colleges are evil and that it would be a waste of time to devote 4 years to them because the new world will be here before you're finished. When I think back about it, it upsets me. Then not only that, but when you give up all the stuff they say give up, the very people that tried talking about you for trying to be too successful, you see them buying new cars every year and walking around in new suits every assembly. Then they try to talk about you for not having such things, which makes me even more upset. It's like your bound to lose no matter what trying to listen to them. Since I did miss out on going to a big time college, though, I just decided to take the "Good Will Hunting" approach on the side and just bought a lot of books from bookstores to learn extra things on the side. I even use my own artistic knowledge combined with what I learned from community college and the additional books I've read to make my own short films. I never talk to the elders about my abilities in this area because all they would do is put it down. My own brother who taught me a lot of the things I know, questions me and asks what I'm going to do if one of my short films or characters catch on and I become rich and famous....like that's a bad thing. After becoming a witness I feel like it has made me lose most of my natural personality and my ability to use my sense of humor. If I try to be funny around them, they don't get it or misinterpret everything. If I dumb my humor down to their style, that's the only way they laugh. The only time I get encouragement and feel special is when I go to work and nonwitnesses actually tell me how much they like my short films and ideas. Actually now, I hope I do become successful because it will be even more reason for me break away and move somewhere else where people can be more supportive of me and what I like.
As far was what tnangel73 said about the elders and their judicial meetings.....when they met with me before because of me being with a nonwitness that I was in love with at the time and who I engaged in "unclean conduct" with....I remember it seemed like when I was repeating back all the stuff I did with the girl, that one of the elders was not only surprised at the stuff I did but was enjoying hearing about it, but I don't know, maybe that was just me thinking that. I do know that my mother treated me like I was some sort of man whore afterward though. Anytime any female called the house after that, she always asked who it was and gave me some mean evil look like I was 10. I rightfully took a lot of offense to that because she made it seem as if I was some freak that would screw any and every girl that called the house. Sometimes it wasn't even girls I knew, just some telemarketer that happened to be female, and still I'm getting questoned like I'm secretly having girls call me so I can do them or something. Then JW parents wonder why their children leave when they grow up....maybe it's because of treating them like they're never good enough and always being distrustful of them and acting like they don't know anything because they're "young people."