Posts by Layla33

i was raised in the religion, and i always figured i'd be dying along with 6 billion others because i hated the meetings, the preaching work and the rules, morality and threats of 'jehovah'.

i did not want it to be true.. for others here, finding out it was false was a hard time to go through.. as well as asking which feelings you had at first (joy/sorrow/or add your own) i have a follow up question for those who found it hard- what was it that made the impending deaths of 6 billion people okay for you?

Layla33

crushed to the bitter core.........40+ years of brainwashing is hard to overcome.......I now have no real hope for the future, and at least I had that...........I feel lost.........even those awful Christendom faiths, and pagans have hope for life after death....I have nothing, and am left with a miserable life with JW family at this point................................................................oompa

I think you are going to the grief process, just now that it gets better, as long as you are open to it getting better and don't stay "stuck".

By the way, how can you believe you have nothing?

36

Did you think your life was over as you knew it? Were you sure?

by oompa in

jw
friends

i knew, and i am beginning to think i was right.

several shrinks and therapists later, and i realize that my entire life structure is not only gone, but it was a farce in the first place.

how do you cope with that?

Layla33

Layla---I am sorry but do not feel that you really know anything major at 4 or 5 years old. Did you mean 4 or 5 years old? I could not even remember trying to not piss the bed at that age...........................................oompa.......you may be special.....seriously

Everyone is special, this was just my first realization of my humanity. Everyone has one, trust me, it is not that special. Now once I was cognitively developed I could express myself fully on everything I was feeling, but how it happened and what I felt, is exactly what happened. It's just my retelling "my early life experiences", just as you at 43 are trying to define yours. :-)

33

Brant Jones Letters to and From the Watchtower- 2005-06

by uninformed in

thanks to scully, i have figured out where to put these letters so all that would like to access them and read them can do so.--just click on the link below.. don't expect a lot from the letters, as i am a brick mason and not the brightest bulb on the (new) christmas tree.. in my correspondence with the wt, i exerted all my effort to keep the discussion on just the un, even though i did have misgivings on other matters.

i thought if i was able to keep the discussion on just the un that it would prove to be more difficult for them to disfellowship me, as it was their conduct that i was opposing, conduct that violated their own teachings.. it worked to some extent, as they had to trump up charges on us that we started our own religion because we had the memorial celebration in 2006 with our family rather than at the kingdumb hall.

it was a real pleasure to be disfellowshipped for their sin.

Layla33

This is a great letter and very thoroughly researched and criticisms are very well founded. I applaud you.

36

Did you think your life was over as you knew it? Were you sure?

by oompa in

jw
friends

i knew, and i am beginning to think i was right.

several shrinks and therapists later, and i realize that my entire life structure is not only gone, but it was a farce in the first place.

how do you cope with that?

Layla33

I cope because my attitude is one of hope. It is like I am given the chance to do it all again, start from scratch, the world is my canvas and I hold the paintbrush. It is my belief that I am capable of reinventing myself, my life, my circle of friends again until I get it right, that causes me to look at each turn of events as a step closer to defining myself, to reaching nirvana.

I want to share a story, one that friends have heard many times and one that I first discussed in an introductory psych course. We were defining the very first time we realized our humanity and I remember it quite well:

I was maybe four or five and I was trying to go to sleep. I was staring at the door, staring at the door and finally, it hit me "I" was staring at the door. It was epiphanic. I felt it all in the one second. The complete fragility of my body, the fact that as I am living, there is one day that I will not be living and as "I" was staring at that door, I felt the heaviness of responsibility for this body that I was in - to absolutely protect it, nuture it, give it the very best life that it could. I shall never forget that moment.

And maybe that says something about myself, as I am very much my "protector". I believe the shakespeare quote where he says that "All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players: They have their exits and their entrances; And one man in his time plays many parts..."

For me leaving the religion, walking away from everything I knew, to a world that I believed in, a world defined by me, while scary, was about reinventing myself to a life that was pure as who I am, as anything. Would I give up because it became hard? Would I lay in bed because there were times I was alone? Absolutely not. I felt redeemed that I had the courage to confront false living in my life and dare to think different and that is why I never allowed such decisions to make me give up believing in my happiness.

It's all about how you view it and it's all about how you view every situation that comes your way...

18

a sister had an affair while married

by looloo in

if it was well known in the congregation and some elders knew also , if she had the affair before she got baptised with a disfellowshipped man would she not have to tell her husband before she got baptised ?

Layla33

To me that's a personal decision and not a mandatory one. Personally, I feel like whatever happened before I started dating someone with other people is really my personal business. If you didn't commit a crime, and you weren't in jail, then keep it to yourself.

With that being said, and knowing how "gossipy" elders are, protect yourself from your husband hearing it from another source.

44

Tell me about the weirdos in your congro.

by karter in

we had a guy who used to bang on about natural remedies.. at the doors and meetings he would tell everyone what was wrong with them and what to take to remedy it he even told the brothers of for sell coke at the assemblies.. however there was know remedy for his mental health apart from that he was a fat little porker who looked like you could grow spuds on his teeth and washing wasnt big on his agenda last i heard he joined scientology.. we had 4 sisters in the congro pregnant one nut case confessed to the elders he was father to all of them.. one sister used to attack the po's wife in the kh then stand up through the meeting and abuse at the speaker after that they would call the sike team it wasnt uncommon for her to go door to door at midnight.. last i heard she became a counsellor..

Layla33

Oh so much to tell, so little time:

- My favorite was someone who had a mental problem, so it was no laughing matter, but sometimes he wouldn't take his medicine and he would raise his hand to comment on GO OFF, loud and with very emphasized every punctuation point in a sentence. One time he was asked to read the last paragraph of the material for the "book study" and he literally acted like he was on stage reading Shakespeare, there was not a dry eye in the house.

- The sister that wore literally two and three outfits from the thrift store at once. As a side note not all, but a good portion of JW females are some of the worst dressers you ever want to see. Now, don't get me wrong, some can dress nice, but others (and I have seen far too many) that put things together that would make a bag lady shake her head.

- The " anointed " brother who literally reminded me of someone from Star Trek. He had this gigantic head and the way the KH acted when he walked in a room, just used to boggle my mind. I swear I saw a "brother" kiss his ring. He spoke like he was Spock. To me he was one giant running joke.

- The "brother" that would get DFs every year, then get reinstated and get DFs again. I mean it went on for a good ten years, he was also a running joke.

- All the oversexed lick their lip brothers who personally asked to work with me in FS when I was an adolescence. I used to hate it. There is nothing like being a 12 or 13 year old female in the congregation, there were so many perverts, I remember. One day, my father caught a so called spiritual brother (elder ) looking at me and licking his lips, he told that man and told me never to walk with him again in FS.

53

Any introverts out there?

by wings in

jw
friends

i took freedom frogs personality test yesterday, three times.

my lowest introverted score was 67. i think that borders on recluse.

are you comfortable with that part of yourself?.

Layla33

I am equal part introvert, equal part extrovert. It's an interesting study, but then I am an enigma.

60

Would you ever consider Going Back?

by Honesty in

jw
friends

after discovering what you have about the watchtower society would you ever consider going back to the jw's?

Layla33

NO!

I actually went back to the KH after about 10 years of not even walking into one for a family member's funeral and I swear I am still debriefing because of it.

I don't like group-think, I don't like prophesing, I don't like men interpreting "God", I don't like human writers professing they write for "God", I don't like masses trying to control me, I don't like nosey people engaged in my life, I don't want some lying hypocritical group telling me what kind of sex I can have with my mate, I don't like every year some quasi-ordained group telling me I have to get ready for "the end", I don't like the supposed shunning of family members, I don't like any group telling me who I can and can not be friends with as an adult. I could go on, but I won't. No, no, no.

35

Help! I am afraid that I will join Satan...

by EvaZ in

this is my first post on this forum.

i am a forty years old women, and i have been a christian all my life.

i am thinking about joining jehovas witnesses since god has told me that you got the truth, the real truth.

Layla33

Please seek professional help. Those violent sadistic thoughts are not normal. The scriptures and long tedious posts are not helpful to some who is obviously tormented. To be quite honest, this is beyond the crux of this board.

I do believe you are just dealing with some turmoil and possibly having some therapy and a chance to talk your thoughts out with a professional will help you.