HB- here is a few major differences. I may have a problem with him too but i do not send steaming full of condecending comment e-mails. Also..there is no love. He was a drunken rebound screw for 4 days then i just quit going to his house. The seemingly hatred feelings he has for me is because i found him and he has to pay child support and his only recourse is to in turn for what i did to him he will be condecending to me and try to show me as a bad parent.
Rayvin
JoinedPosts by Rayvin
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14
How do I respond and not lose my cool?
by Rayvin inmy 8 yr old daughter visits her bio-dad and step-mom every other weekend.
we haven't already noticed that she tends to play both sides by not giving full or correct information to us.
anyway.. my daughter comes back on sunday night and tells me how she read a book about taking care of her body and that she needs to take a bath every night instead of every other night unless excessive activity then every night.
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14
How do I respond and not lose my cool?
by Rayvin inmy 8 yr old daughter visits her bio-dad and step-mom every other weekend.
we haven't already noticed that she tends to play both sides by not giving full or correct information to us.
anyway.. my daughter comes back on sunday night and tells me how she read a book about taking care of her body and that she needs to take a bath every night instead of every other night unless excessive activity then every night.
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Rayvin
Well, I left a message on his phone :
"I wanted to respond to your e-mail but only to one part since really the rest of the e-mail isn't worth responding to. ((**I know.. a jab**))Regarding the book she is reading I am not saying you need to ask permission but since raising V is a team effort I feel its just common deciency and a nicety to inform me when sensitive and major information like this book has is given to her. Just like you would want me to let you know if I got her a book that discussed sex and birth control we should just be good parents and keep each other informed. Thats all really. See you Friday. Bye."
Ya know..even though I know the stuff he is jabbing at me isn't true.. it still hurts.. i am very emotional and its hard to stop. Its something I will keep working on. I just don't know how you can't take it personal. And then defend your honour.
Rayvin
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14
How do I respond and not lose my cool?
by Rayvin inmy 8 yr old daughter visits her bio-dad and step-mom every other weekend.
we haven't already noticed that she tends to play both sides by not giving full or correct information to us.
anyway.. my daughter comes back on sunday night and tells me how she read a book about taking care of her body and that she needs to take a bath every night instead of every other night unless excessive activity then every night.
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Rayvin
lol- littletoe.. that would be fun to see.
It is interesting that about a year ago my daughter asked about how she came to be and in no details I just explained basically that part of him and part of me came together and made her and yada yada yada. I felt obligated to tell him what we discussed so that if when she was over there she said something about it he would know where it was coming from. Am I wrong to expect the same respect?
And okay.. i get the war worth waging .. but how do i respond w/out waging war?
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14
How do I respond and not lose my cool?
by Rayvin inmy 8 yr old daughter visits her bio-dad and step-mom every other weekend.
we haven't already noticed that she tends to play both sides by not giving full or correct information to us.
anyway.. my daughter comes back on sunday night and tells me how she read a book about taking care of her body and that she needs to take a bath every night instead of every other night unless excessive activity then every night.
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Rayvin
My 8 yr old daughter visits her bio-dad and step-mom every other weekend. We haven't already noticed that she tends to play both sides by not giving full or correct information to us. Anyway.. my daughter comes back on sunday night and tells me how she read a book about taking care of her body and that she needs to take a bath every night instead of every other night unless excessive activity then every night. So i inquired about the book she read and she tells me that her step-mom got her this book 'the care and keeping of you a guide for girls'. She says that they got the book for her a long time ago but recently she was told to read it. I buy the book so that I can find out what she is learning about it. It shows breasts, pubic hair, the vaginal area and how to insert tampons. I have no problem with the book and my daughter learning about this. I do however have a problem that I was not made aware that they had given her a book like this. I have sat with her almost every night going over the whole book with her and discussing it along the way. It was a great bonding experience. I messaged her bio-dad and left a message that I have no problem with the book but I do need to be made aware of big things like this. He e-mails me today and it has me quite perplexed as how to respond. I hate confrontation and just reading the message made me shake.(literally).
The following was sent by bio-dad to me---
""Regarding your message about the book, where you said that "you think you should know what book it is in case you have to answer any questions"; first off, V has had the book for more than a year and this is the second time she's going through it. Second, it's just like any other book about girl's bodies changing and what to expect, so, if as a woman, you're not able to answer her questions, I'd encourage you to get one for your house too. They're pretty much all the same. Finally, I'm within my parental rights to provide any material I see fit to aid in her personal development, and I am not obliged to check with you first, so I hope that's not what this is about. If something comes up and V has a question regarding what she should be doing at our house as opposed to your house or simply has a question on any book we provide her, then please ask her to write down the question, or email it, and we'll discuss it with her when she comes for the weekend.
Second, I understand you're reading Eragon to her? She loved that movie, and began reading the book on her own the very same day (step-son had already read it). I only mention this because she was apparently too afraid to tell you that she was already reading it, but she is continuing to do so here anyway. I figured you'd want to know that she wants and is able to read that level of book on her own. ""
--- Does he really think that I don't know that she can read on her own????? -----
""Finally, we've been taking V to get her haircut. She likes C, my brother-in-law's mom, who is an experienced hair dresser and works at a very nice salon. V has expressed that she prefers to have C cut her hair. C is great with kids, plus V does see her at family functions. Anyway, it was upsetting to find out she was taken for a hair cut even though her hair was cut during the winterbreak. I'm not sure why she didn't tell you, but I'm guessing she didn't want you to get mad or sad. The person that cut her hair did not do a very good job and messed up the look Vwas trying to achieve. I know how hard it is to find a good hair dresser and I don't mind paying for it. I do think it should be V's decision, but we did explain to her that if you are going to continue taking her to get her hair cut we would stop taking her to C. There's no point in both of us paying for a hair cut. Just let me know whether you'll be taking her from this point on. ""
--- I had only gotten a trim of the ends, how is that messing up her look>?---
--Is he blackmailing her??---
Anyway.. I am going to talk to my daughter about this and hopefully get some feedback from all of you about this before I call him up and talk to him about this.
Please help me out... I can never find the perfect words to say.
Rayvin
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47
How old were you when you were baptized?
by moomanchu in.
reading hellriders topic made me wonder about this.. i waited till i was 21 because i was drinking alcohol as a youth and didn't want to get baptized while breaking the law.
man that is screwed up, seemed reasonable at the time.
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Rayvin
I was 14. I did so because I remember in the meetings they were saying that "Jehovah doesn't really listen to your prayers if you are not baptized" Then all the pressure from the baptism talks. I remember thinking how easy it was to get baptized when it should have been more involved then just remembering the answers for the questions i would be asked in 30 minutes. I agree that they should not let anyone do so untill they are mature enough to really know what they are really doing.
Rayvin
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9
Not "WORLDLY".. just people.
by Rayvin inmy dad ,yesterday, for the first time stopped making the distinction.
we were talking about how as a jw you are taught to only associate with jws and then after they alienated us we were thrown out with now social skills or info on how to make friends and socialize elsewhere.
dad said " i don't know where wordly....*sigh* worldy..i need to quit saying that.
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Rayvin
Yes.. dad has alot of talents but my mom gives him guilt trips if he was to take time away from being at home at all times to take care of her just to do something "silly". I am sure it will all work out right in the end. Thank you all for your responses.
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Not "WORLDLY".. just people.
by Rayvin inmy dad ,yesterday, for the first time stopped making the distinction.
we were talking about how as a jw you are taught to only associate with jws and then after they alienated us we were thrown out with now social skills or info on how to make friends and socialize elsewhere.
dad said " i don't know where wordly....*sigh* worldy..i need to quit saying that.
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Rayvin
My dad ,yesterday, for the first time stopped making the distinction. We were talking about how as a JW you are taught to only associate with JWs and then after they alienated us we were thrown out with now social skills or info on how to make friends and socialize elsewhere. Dad said " I don't know where wordly....*sigh* worldy..I need to quit saying that. I don't know where PEOPLE go to find friends."
I was so happy. Dad is more then just saying he is tired of the JWs he is starting to quit the seperating. Its a slow progress but I am so excited. He is also seeing the very few and far between "sheparding calls" for what they really are.
I am feeling more okay with the possiblity that my family will be outed during christmas. I think my dad may be closer to the point of accepting it and not being so closed minded.
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53
They saw my Xmas tree! What do I say?
by Rayvin inthis is what i am worried will be going through my mind in less then a month.
i have always wanted a big christmas tree but since i was a full fledged jw till 5 yrs ago i never had one.
i just last year was able to get a small table top tree for christmas.
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Rayvin
Oh my! That is a great story. And since I am an 'I love Lucy' fan i can just see it now.
I am glad to see you posting. I am honored that it was my posts that have drawn you out!
WELCOME!!!
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53
They saw my Xmas tree! What do I say?
by Rayvin inthis is what i am worried will be going through my mind in less then a month.
i have always wanted a big christmas tree but since i was a full fledged jw till 5 yrs ago i never had one.
i just last year was able to get a small table top tree for christmas.
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Rayvin
The kids talking!! Thats another big thing. I talked with hubby last night and he was saying he doesn't want to add things in the house that will make it worse. I said..well..Daystar and his son are coming over..what should we tell our parents..they are coming over for our..anniversary (on the 20th) and then his son has a load of new stuff? And he may say something about the Tree..little or big. Hubby says"he didn't say anything last year"..well no he didn't but this is another year. Plus, our mom is manipulative if she sees alot of new presents in her house on Dec 26 she can easily ask the young boy details of his visit in a way to make him talk without thinking he is saying anything wrong. My girls know my parents and my husbands don't do holidays and that we try to respect thier beliefs by not mentioning what we do for the holidays to them. My oldest Daughter on her own has found interesting ways to dodge the questions or answer in vague ways..and I have also caught her just out-n-out lying. It saddened me.
I like the idea of " Please don't come over uninvited" -However, The lights on the house will be a give away. lol
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53
They saw my Xmas tree! What do I say?
by Rayvin inthis is what i am worried will be going through my mind in less then a month.
i have always wanted a big christmas tree but since i was a full fledged jw till 5 yrs ago i never had one.
i just last year was able to get a small table top tree for christmas.
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Rayvin
thx annie