Ingenuous

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Posts by Ingenuous

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  25

  if you love pit bulls or think you might

  by kittyeatzjdubs in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  disclaimer.

  first of all......let me start off by saying this.

  i am not intending in any way to start any arguments with this topic.

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  Ingenuous

  It's heartbreaking going on Petfinder and seeing all the pit bulls up for adoption. I'm just glad there're foster homes for them.

  I hear pit bulls are more likely to display dog-dog aggression, as opposed to dog-human aggression. I've seen some real sweeties adopted out on the shows on Animal Planet.

  From the pit bull discussions on Petfinder, there are some pit bulls that are vicious when trained that way but there are also some animals who are bred to be aggressive and aren't going to turn into lap warmers by any stretch of the imagination. Many pit bull lovers are very adamant in their posts that there is a definite genetic component that can't be ignored and they say they don't trust their pit bulls alone around other dogs. Then again, there are pit bull owners who've never separated their dogs and never had a problem. One sure way, though, to start a multi-page thread is to post that you want to put two female pit bulls together in the same house - the pit bull experts on the boards jump all over that and seem to consider anyone who does it as deserving of whatever disaster ensues.

  Still, it seems they really have to be evaluated individually. One of my Dad's friends had a female pit bull who was a big [fear] barker who would urinate submissively whenever a stranger got too close. She was a big baby and adored my Dad. (A couple pieces of turkey bacon in the pocket didn't hurt either!)
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  23

  When believers attack!

  by daystar in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  people often react most defensively when challenged not on their firmly held beliefs but on beliefs they wish were true but suspect at some level to be false.... .

  - christopher f. chabris.

  * snagged from an acquaintance's site as i thought it might be of interest here.

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  Ingenuous

  I can see how I myself was predisposed to such reactions when I was "in". I believe most JWs are trained to constantly be on the defensive - constantly analyzing everything said to them, reading materials with the assumption that there is something threatening hidden. When I was a JW, I couldn't read anything even remotely religious without a knot of anxiety in my stomach. I couldn't just listen to someone without putting part of my attention on formulating an objection to what they were saying. I couldn't allow that someone might be "good" if they weren't JWs - there had to be some hidden badness in their hearts.

  A faulty belief system can engender paranoia. The doctrines of JWs teach this paranoia as part of the system under the guise of "protecting" one's self spiritually and "always being ready to give an answer". What this really means is adopting a number of cognitive distortions (e.g., all-or-nothing thinking, catastrophising, "shoulds", etc.). Only later, if the person begins thinking independently, does cognitive dissonance and other methods of coping with "knowing without really knowing" kick in. The paranoia can be especially vicious when one adds in much sacrific and many years of personal investment. "Defending" one's belief system can feel like defending one's physical existence.
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  21

  JW kids and the national anthem humiliation......

  by kid-A in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  for me, school was extremely stressful as a jw kid.

  the worst part had to be my morning dose of humiliation being forced to walk out of the room as the national anthem came on the loudspeakers (first god save the queen, then, oh canada).

  the other kids found this completely bizarre, and several of my "patriotic" minded teachers really resented me for doing this (despite the obvious fact i had no choice in the matter but was being forced into this by my parents).. how could anybody force this public humiliation on a small child or teen-ager, already having to deal with the normal stresses of growing up and worrying about their public image with their peers???

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  Ingenuous

  I stayed seated for the anthem (usually only played during school assemblies), stood silently for the pledge. Once, a JW classmate "gave in" and stood during the anthem. I felt so abandoned.

  It wasn't even feeling awkward around classmates that really got to me. (I never like most kids my age anyway.) What really did me in was that I wasn't supposed to feel bad, left out, anxious, strange. I was supposed to be proud to be a JW, proud to be different, vindicated by other's disapproval. And I felt very little of that, and seldom. We aren't allowed to feel anything other than blessed and special under such circumstances and I wasn't very skilled at denial when I was very young (I got better at it in high school, since I got baptized right before I started.)
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  35

  Tattoo you?

  by mrsjones5 in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  ok, i've been watching the show "inked" on a&e and i think it's a really cool show about tattoo artists in las vegas.

  and lately i've been thinking about getting a tattoo somewhere on my body, possiblely my lower back.

  my sister has one there and i think it's really cool.

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  Ingenuous

  I want a tattoo - badly - but have so many allergies I'm afraid to. Allergies can show up years afterward and I just know I'll be one of the few who has a reaction.

  A great resource (some graphic photos/stories): www.bmezine.com
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  27

  Does it bother you to realize that life is normal for those left behind?

  by free2beme in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  you know when you leave a religion or a place you worked at for a long time.

  you want to feel that perhaps there will be a missing irreplaceable piece, that represents the effort you put into the work.

  you know what i talking about, the comment at work of "this place would be lost without me" or in the religion "i am the main person who encourages field service around here.

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  Ingenuous

  Learning how wrong I was when I was a JW made me very humble very quickly. I don't even think about whether I'm missed or not. (Though my Mom makes a point of letting me know when someone at the Hall asks after me.)

  My heart really aches for those in the Org for whom life goes on as "normal". They haven't got a clue.
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  15

  What's my role here????

  by bythesea in

  1. watchtower
  2. medical

  my daughter (29)is expecting our first grandchild first of nov (not that i trust dates!

  ) and i plan on being there for the birth.

  my dilemna is that i am trained as a doula(labor coach), and have assisted some of her friends in their birthings, but now that its my daughter's turn i'm worried about how to handle it!

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  Ingenuous

  bythesea - Sticking to the Mom-role and having an associate be the Doula sounds like a good idea to me.

  When I was training as a Doula, we were advised against formulating birth "plans" with clients and leaning more toward a birth "wish list" instead. Some medical professionals are less intimidated by the idea of a "wish list" and Moms tend to be less disappointed if everything doesn't work our "perfectly".

  Another topic we discussed was not ruling out interventions completely, instead discussing something like an "escalation procedure" to walk Mom through a series of scenarios where she imagines how much pain she can handle, when to bring up suggestions for various pain management techniques, and a code/indicator that tells us that she's had enough and is ready for more serious pain relief (i.e., epidural).

  All the best to you and your daughter!
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  12

  I wish my former friends would leave the "lie" I mean "truth"!!

  by weinermcgee in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i still dream about this often!

  some of my childhood friends stop being jw's so i can have them back as my friends, it would be like a dream come true.

  but some of you might say: "you would take them back as friends?

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  Ingenuous

  I keep having that fantasy about my parents...
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  14

  Comments You Will Not Hear at the 10-2-05 WT Study (Law of Love)

  by blondie in

  1. watchtower
  2. bible

  a law of love in hearts

  jehovah wrote those .

  jehovah wrote--did he really?.

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  Ingenuous

  Paragraph13: We cannot truly love or trust a stranger.

  Paragraph16: As Christians, we allow our love for... neighbor to motivate us to share in the Kingdom-preaching and disciplemaking work.

  Which is it?

  Paragraph 18: Sonia, "I explained that to me, Heidi was really my sister, as close as if we had the same mother and father. Having come to know this new sister of mine, I found it a pleasure to take care of her."

  I wonder what would have happened if Heidi had changed her mind about the Org at some point before she died. "Having come to know" this person, would Sonia have still cared for her if Heidi had decided she couldn't share every aspect of "The Faith" with Sonia?
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  69

  "What will I do with all my suits?"

  by jgnat in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  there's a very exciting development in our little jw family.

  i've kept the news close to my chest, as i wouldn't want to jinx it.

  it's a great story full of drama, intrigue, a mild sunday school teacher, the internet, and a bunch freaked-out elders.

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  Ingenuous

  Really like the casino illustration, jgnat.

  He could donate the suits to a job center for the homeless or any program that tries to find jobs for the poor. Those who are too financially strapped to be able to afford a suit/dress for a job or job interview would surely appreciate it.
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  7

  Are you a witness because it is the path of least resistance?

  by tfsm in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  i think most (particularly those with witness parents or family) are witnesses because it is easier to stay than to go.

  what i am wondering is- why would a reasonably educated adult choose to become a witness in the first place?

  my parents got into it when i was about five and i have asked them what the reason was and the answer has varied over the years from "the world is a sick place and we did it for you" to "we were lost and looking for something".

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  Ingenuous

  I think most (particularly those with witness parents or family) are witnesses because it is easier to stay than to go. What I am wondering is- why would a reasonably educated adult choose to become a witness in the first place?

  It's such a surprise to see this post because I was thinking about something similar tonight. I had just had dinner with my JW sister and her husband and was feeling a great deal of guilt and loss. The guilt was from knowing that my stance likely makes her feel uncomfortable around me and I never wanted to cause that. The loss is from knowing the relationship with my immediate family (all JWs) will never be the same - for as long as we even have a relationship, that is.

  I found myself thinking, "What have I done?" I know what I've done - given up the illusion, the comfort of letting my personal responsibility rest with an organization, given up on feeding relationships that were conditional on swallowing doctrines whole. But I had an overwhelming moment of tiredness - exhaustion with uprooting all my old beliefs, with remaking myself, with feeling like I've stepped off the edge of a cliff. Just for a moment, I wanted everything to be the way it was: my family happy with and approving of me, a belief system that had all the answers, the assurance that I was wanted and special and that somebody in Brooklyn had it all figured out.

  If leaving is so hard, I can only imagine how seductive the party line can be when one is first coming to it from a vulnerable place.