I am sorry you are still so afraid! I can relate so well! I still have nightmares sometimes too, but they are few and far between now, which is progress. It was those darn pictures I always looked at when I was a kid! I guess I was a very visual learner because I still can't get the images out of my head!
The witnesses teachings are built on a foundation of fear. Even after we leave, it takes a long time to get a sense of the reality because underneath all the lies and false teachings that are pretty easy to uncover, there is still that foundation of fear to break down. I think if you are raised as a witness, it is even more baffling because it is just THERE, even in the midst of everything telling you that it is an unfounded fear.
I takes time, but it does get better. I think I almost have it beat! ... I think.