Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak? ? ? Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough? ? ? Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? ? ? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? ? ? Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection? ? ? Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? ? ? Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him? ? ? Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? ? ? Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"? ? ? If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes? ? ? Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white? ? ? Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale? ? ? Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized? Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance? ? ? Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end you first try? ? ? How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures? ? ? When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" ? ? Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over? ? ? In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat? ? ? How come you never hear father-in-law jokes? ? ? If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you to do it? ? ? And obviously if at first you don't succeed, then don't take up sky diving! ? ? And my FAVORITE...... ? ? The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends ----if they're okay, then it's you. Coffee
