So, at the end of a hard work week , I find it nice to have a cocktail, relax, and watch a comedy or tell funny stories ! So I welcome you to share anything funny in your life that has happened ! Or someone else's life too ! So, anything funny you wish to share- this is your freedom thread ! Have at it , ( naturally within the posting guidelines ) so we can keep the humor going !
My funny thing is about 8 years ago when still single, I was sleeping deeply on my bed, woke up startled as heck and watched as my cat was enjoying peeing on my crotch at 3:00 A.M. in the morning ! I thought I was having flashbacks to when I was a kid and wetting the bed again at 40 years of age ! Needless to say the cat became an instant projectile being thrown off my bed really quick !
Another funny one. I was doing an asbestos removal job in the late 1980's . My workmates and I had a few too many at our lunch break - I had at least 5 or 6 beers with lots of Pizza ! So- I go back to work , climb up on the ladder, put my supplied air full face respirator on and surprise ! I puked all inside my full faced mask inhaling vomit ! Talk about being a dumb-$hit !
So, I'll start with those 2 experiences . So, I'll chime in later ! Would love to hear of any funny things that have happened to you or others you know ! Hey gang, it's Friday night ! Let's make each other laugh ! peace out, Mr. Flipper
This is All of Our " Let's Laugh at Something Funny " Thread-Feel Free
by flipper 99 Replies latest social humour
-
flipper
-
Abandoned
I think this is funny:
"Have you ever accused someone of farting and then, recognized the smell and realized that you owe someone an apology?"
-
flipper
ABANDONED- That is funny ! When I fart in my wife's work room- I always blame it on the dog ! LOL ! Poor damned dog ! LOL! Peace out, Mr. Flipper
-
Abandoned
ABANDONED- That is funny ! When I fart in my wife's work room- I always blame it on the dog ! LOL ! Poor damned dog ! LOL! Peace out, Mr. Flipper
Thank you. That's my opening joke in my comedy routine. Unless I start out with the juggling bit.
-
flipper
ABANDONED- Well I must say I think your opening act was really funny ! You can juggle all you want guy ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper
-
worldtraveller
The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex,
Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun
at night -
worldtraveller
The good ol' days
OLDER THAN DIRT
"Hey Dad," one of my kids asked the other day, "What was your favorite fast food when you were growing up?"
"We didn't have fast food when I was growing up," I informed him.
"All the food was slow."
"C'mon, seriously. Where did you eat?"
"It was a place called 'at home,'" I explained. "Grandma cooked every
day and when Grandpa got home from work, we sat down together at the
dining room table, and if I didn't like what she put on my plate I was
allowed to sit there until I did like it."
By this time, the kid was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going
to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how
I had to have permission to leave the table.
But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I figured his
system could have handled it:
Some parents NEVER owned their own house, wore Levis, set foot on a
golf course, travelled out of the country or had a credit card. In
their later years they had something called a store card. The card
was good only at Farmers (now Myers).
My parents never drove me to soccer practice. This was mostly because
we never had heard of soccer. I had a bicycle that weighed probably
50 pounds, and only had one speed, (slow).
We didn't have a television in our house until I was 11, but my grandparents had one before that.
It was, of course, black and white, but they bought a piece of colored
plastic to cover the screen. The top third was blue, like the sky, and
the bottom third was green, like grass. The middle third was red. It
was perfect for programs that had scenes of fire trucks riding across
someone's lawn on a sunny day
Some people had a lens taped to the front of the TV to make the picture look larger.
I was 13 before I tasted my first pizza, it was called "pizza pie."
When I bit into it, I burned the roof of my mouth and the cheese
slid off, swung down, plastered itself against my chin and burned that, too.
It's still the best pizza I ever had.
We didn't have a car until I was 15. Before that, the only car in
our family was my grandfather's Ford. He called it a "machine."
I never had a telephone in my room. The only phone in the house was in
the living room and it was on a party line. Before you could dial, you
had to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't
already using the line
Pizzas were not delivered to our home. But milk was.
All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered
newspapers. I delivered a newspaper, six days a week. It cost 7 cents a
paper, of which I got to keep 2 cents. I had to get up at
4 AM every morning. On Saturday, I had to collect the 42 cents
from my customers. My favorite customers were the ones who gave me 50cents
and told me to keep the change. My least favorite customers were the
ones who seemed to never be home on collection day.
Movie stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the
movies. Touching someone else's tongue with yours was called French
kissing and they didn't do that in movies. I don't know what they did
in French movies. French movies were dirty and we weren't allowed to
see them.
If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may
want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren.
Just don't blame me if they bust a gut laughing.
Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it?
MEMORIES from a friend:
My Dad is cleaning out my grandmother's house (she died in December)
and he brought me an old tomato sauce bottle. In the bottle top was a
stopper with a bunch of holes in it. I knew immediately what it was,
but my daughter had no idea. She thought they had tried to make it a
salt shaker or something. I knew it as the bottle that sat on the end of
the ironing board to "sprinkle" clothes with because we didn't have
steam irons. Man, I am old.
Older Than Dirt Quiz:
How many do you remember?
Count all the ones that you remember not the ones you were told about.
Ratings at the bottom.
1. Cho Cho bar
2. Drive ins
3. Candy cigarettes
4. Soft drink machines that dispensed glass bottles
5. Coffee shops or milk bars with tableside juke boxes
6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with foil stoppers
7. Party lines
8. Newsreels before the movie
9. Packards
10. Blue flashbulb
11. Telephone numbers with 2 letters and 4 numbers
12. Peashooters
13. Wash tub wringer
14. 78 RPM records
15. Metal ice trays with lever
16. Studebakers
17. Cracker night
18. Using hand signals for cars without turn signals
19. Bread delivered by horse and cart
20. Head lights dimmer switches on the floor
21. Ignition switches on the dashboard
22. Heaters mounted on the inside of the wall
23. Real ice boxes
24. Pant leg clips for bicycles without chain guards
25. Soldering irons you heat on a gas burner
If you remembered 0-5 = You're still young
If you remembered 6-10 = You are getting older
If you remembered 11-15 = Don't tell your age,
If you remembered 16-25 = You're older than dirt!
-
RisingEagle
And you thought you had a bad week?
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for the better part of an hour.
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I overslept, and I go late to my office. My boss, outraged, fires me. When I leave the building, to go to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I grab a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."
"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison." -
worldtraveller
What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
Bingo machine.What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
Why did God create alcohol?
So ugly people could have sex, too.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
What's the difference between a Northern fairytale
and a Southern fairytale?
A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time."
A Southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this crap." -
Abandoned
OK, here's an old one:
A guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender yells, "Hey, we don't serve his kind here." The parrot replies, "I know, but he's got all the money."